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mrt (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 14, 2008 1:20 am Erica Ann is saying exactly what is going on in my head as I read your post. Don't feel you need to be the poster woman for TS people.

As to the single status. I think it "shallow" that this guy trys to define you by if you are in a relationship or not. Isin't "single" good enough? I thought that was a common issue for 1950s women who had to be married to be anyone. Sheesh!

Hey MrT,

I always appreciate your humor and advice. I don't need to be the poster woman. The fact is, I have already had a large impact on my corporation by being very open about who I am. I worked closely with upper management to make certain things related to my transition were handled well. I handed them most of the information they used to plan out the announcement and associated activities. They were very receptive to what I had to say but they lacked experience with TG people and did not have a clear picture of how to ease my transition while reducing disruptions at the office. By allowing my active involvement in the process, even to the extent of requiring my approval on the wording of announcements and similar things, everything went off perfectly. There are still positive ripple effects occuring from all this. It benefited not only me but others in the company as well. So in a very real way, I have already done a lot to forward awareness of TG people. That is enough.

A wise woman at the office told me several weeks ago that I had done more than enough and that perhaps it was time for me to simply be for a time. I agreed with her but needed the reminder you and Erica Ann so thoughtfully provided.

There were a number of aspects to the seminar, MrT, that I found shallow

-Danya

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:13 am It amazed me yesterday that one of my best male friends from work, who is generally a very sensitive and caring guy, still doesn't seem to have much of a clue about what's involved in being a transgendered/transsexual person. This is despite the mandatory TG lives training he attended at the office right before my transition. He referred to 'women who are men', meaning people like me. I calmly gave him a short explanation of what my situation really is. That is, I am a woman, no matter what my outward physical characteristics may be.

-Danya

Hi Danya,

This is a part of the stigma I mentioned to you. Its cause is just plain old ignorance on the behalf of some people that cannot open their little hearts and minds to our situation.

To comprehend the entire GID matter would cause people like this to have to think outside of their little boxes and force them to grow and expand their minds and thinking. They do not want to take the time to do so. It makes them feel uncomfortable with their established valves and concepts on life.

I have found this to be true more among men than women. Some men just feel that being a man is the best thing in the world and they look at us and just cannot believe that we would ever give up being a man. What they don't understand is that we were never men to begin with. Women on the other hand see as as coming over and joining the "girl's club."

Hang in there my sister and be yourself, for we will always encounter this type of prejudice on our journeys.

I used to get really angry at people who were that way and about SO many things. I think Erica Ann has is so right when she says this is due to people just not knowing what they are talking about. Wisdom is probably just staying silent about things you don't know and doing a bit more listening and reading.

Thats not to say there are not evil people in the world who DO understand and hate and do evil. But I think they are the minority. Far more are followers who would rather follow the lead of the loud mouth idiots.

I think we as a society are going in the right direction and that people with medical problems are getting less and less stigma about it. For example - I'm glad I'm not dealing with Orchialgia and ED 20 years ago!

Nine days ago, I started the Vivelle-dot patch at a low dose. It provides 0.05mg of estradiol a day. By days 6 and 7, it seemed I was extremely calm in a way that I had not experienced before. Perhaps this was just my imagination because the following two days that feeling disappeared. OTOH, these days have also been hectic and stressful. It will be interesting to see whether or not my mood really does change in the weeks ahead. Maybe that won't happen until the estrogen (estradiol) dose is bumped up in early August. My doctor says we can eventually increase the initial dose of 0.05 mg to .20 mg.

On the physical side of things, I am sure I have had some further breast development. My testicular volume is also less than when I started an anti-androgen in early November, 2007.

Just wanted to wish you all the best as you progress through your transition!

curious1 (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 16, 2008 10:28 am Just wanted to wish you all the best as you progress through your transition!

Thanks, curious1, for the good wishes! Things are going really well for me in spite of some major life stressors. I remain truly happy and I wish the same for others.

Tomorrow marks two weeks since I started on a low dose of estradiol. There are still no clear signs of anything happening but some potential indications that something may be going on:

1. Last Thursday and Friday I felt very calm in a way I have never experienced before.

2. Tuesday I felt positively bitchy at work!

I am finally dealing with getting my finances in order and that has been stressful. I have some big time debt and I have implemented what might be viewed as draconian measures were this the corporate world:

1. I have eliminated nearly all travel by car to save gas and cut down on maintenance expenses. This should also extend the lifetime of my car. Nearly every day now, I take the bus to work.

2. I have totally eliminated dining out, unless I find a coupon for free food someplace. This has had an added benefit in that I've lost 6 pounds over the last several weeks.

3. By sleeping downstairs, instead of in my second story bedroom, I have eliminated the need for air conditioning so far this year. Hot air rises, so the ground floor is much cooler in the summer.

4. I've got a sensible plan to get all my debt paid off within the next 3 - 4 years, tops.

5. I am smarter when it comes to grocery shopping. Now I get more food for less money. Soon, the stores will be paying me to eat!

6. Some time ago, I eliminated all Starbucks type coffee purchases.

7. I do not go out to movies unless it's something I've absolutely got to see. So far this summer, nothing advertised has met that requirement.

8. I am considering eliminating my phone service altogether and relying on my cell phone. My company pays 3/4 of the monthly bill for that.

9. I have no cable TV now but that's no great loss. The last 6 months or so I've averaged no more than 60 minutes a month total TV viewing time. I can always watch a DVD if I want. The reception here is not good enough to get all the network stations.

10. Whenever possible, I buy new clothing items at thrift shops. The 'needed' item must still meet strict criteria before I will even consider the thrift shop purchase.

11. I am actively pursuing additional income 'streams'. In the last few weeks I have finally gotten back to spending serious time developing my photography side business. This will gradually increase my income.

12. I am applying for organist/choir director positions at churches that openly welcome GLBT folk.

13. I am considering yet other steps to take to save money.

Finally, I feel like I am back in charge of my money rather than it ruling my life. The big spending days were in that prior life as a male when I wasn't really happy. I don't feel the same need to spend now.

Both photography and music are not work for me at all but passions. They are fun!

Work is extremely stressful although I don't feel stressed when I leave for the day. There have been some layoffs within the last few weeks. My job is secure, or at least as secure as anyone can hope for. My skills are in demand at the office and there is no one who can do everything I can. I have had to work many evenings, though, but still consider myself fortunate that I have a job.

In short, life continues to be very good to me and I feel incredibly fortunate to have made it to this point where I know who I am. Or at least more of who I am than most people ever experience. I can deal with the stress because I am genuinely happy.

My life has never been better. Unlike some at my age of 56, I feel the options for the years ahead are expanding, not contracting.

If you want a phone at home with a number and an answering machine check out MAGICJACK

If I understand it the cost is $20 for the pod that plugs into your USB port on the computer and $20 a Year! For service. Now, if your internet goes down the phone won't ring but.... For that kind of money? Sheesh! I heard that if you sign up for three years service the cost is $10 a year? How can you beat that?

Ahh... other then no phone at all.

Clip coupons! Some Rainbow foods have double coupon Wed! Enjoy poverty its makes you more creative, healthier and so on...

I can relate to the debt issues. At only 23 I already have accumulated a five-digit number in debt. And that is not counting student loans, the total of which is higher than my regular debt.

I'm not sure what it is that causes spending to be so tempting these days. Americans have record, previously unfathomable levels of debt, and we only seem to be accumulating more. But I do know that spending is fun , and I know that it is going to be tremendously difficult to get out of the old spending habits and start getting rid of debt rather than only taking on more.

In your case, it seems you have tied your spending and debt to a specific issue in your life, which you are in the process of overcoming, and that tells me you are going to have good luck changing your ways

Glad to hear you are doing well Keep up with the updates.

My air conditioner was only slightly cooling my home when I first tried it this season. By early June, it was not cooling at all but that was fine. I don't want to run it unless it's absolutely necessary. Today reached the mid 80's but when I got home at close to 7 PM it was only 76 downstairs.

I have been concerned about the possibility of warmer days ahead, though. Monday, someone was here to look at the AC. I would have to sign the check with my still male, legal name so I felt I needed to dress in male mode for a few hours to get through that. I hated the experience of 'being' male again. I was acting out a part for the benefit of someone I may never see again simply so I could sign one of my own checks and not be questioned about it. I have not minded pushing the limits out in public. I went to a UPS customer site recently to pick up a package addressed to Danya. They wanted identification so I showed them my driver's license which, of course, still has my old male photo and name. I had no problem simply stating I am transgender and haven't changed my name. The woman at the counter peered at me closely for a few seconds and then was OK with it.

In my own home, though, I feel vulnerable. I wonder if this stranger seeing me as a woman, who will then learn I am transgender/transsexual from my check, will be a danger to me in my private space at a later time. I suspect this feeling goes back to the very real transgression of my private space, in that case my body, I felt when I was assaulted many years ago.

The reason I have yet to change my legal name is the expense involved. With my new policy of being fiscally prudent , I want to have a sufficient cushion in my checking account before changing my name. I will go ahead with the change in three months, at the latest. The fact is, I just don't want to risk getting into more debt to get this done. I really do need to make the change sooner rather than later for my mental well-being.

The total cost of the name change is higher than the initial court cost. After the OK is given, there's an added expense for notarized copies of the court order. I need these as official notifications to creditors and perhaps others. If a nice, generous, handsome man were to marry me , I could accomplish all this name change stuff much more economically.

I can sympathise with having debt/financial issues, it's a pain especially when you are also trying to make important personal changes. As if changing gender isn't enough to keep you occupied...

Good luck with the estrogen. I hope your breasts sprout as quickly as mine have. If I wear a t-shirt it's rather noticeable now.

joanne-f (imported) wrote: Sun Jun 22, 2008 10:55 pm I can sympathise with having debt/financial issues, it's a pain especially when you are also trying to make important personal changes. As if changing gender isn't enough to keep you occupied...

Good luck with the estrogen. I hope your breasts sprout as quickly as mine have. If I wear a t-shirt it's rather noticeable now.

Hi joanne-f,

I appreciate your understanding with debt and financial problems. It is indeed a pain and you are absolutely correct in that changing gender is a lot to deal with without complications in other areas of one's life.

Even before I started estrogen, I was having some minor breast development from the spironolactone. I think I have some increased development now. It is definitely noticeable if I wear nothing more than a t-shirt. Noticeable to me, anyway! I always use a bra when I go out now, even if I do pad it.

-danya

mrt (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:34 am If you want a phone at home with a number and an answering machine check out MAGICJACK

If I understand it the cost is $20 for the pod that plugs into your USB port on the computer and $20 a Year! For service. Now, if your internet goes down the phone won't ring but.... For that kind of money? Sheesh! I heard that if you sign up for three years service the cost is $10 a year? How can you beat that?

Ahh... other then no phone at all.

Clip coupons! Some Rainbow foods have double coupon Wed! Enjoy poverty its makes you more creative, healthier and so on...

Hi MrT,

I will definitely check out MAGICJACK. Sounds like a great deal.

Until now, I have never used coupons for groceries. From what I read online, if you shop carefully and use coupons, sometimes for off-brand items, you can save big bucks. I've always thought it a waste of time to spend an hour searching through the Sunday paper to find coupons that will save you a few pennies. Seems like you can save a lot more.

-danya

plix (imported) wrote: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:49 am I can relate to the debt issues. At only 23 I already have accumulated a five-digit number in debt. And that is not counting student loans, the total of which is higher than my regular debt.

I'm not sure what it is that causes spending to be so tempting these days. Americans have record, previously unfathomable levels of debt, and we only seem to be accumulating more. But I do know that spending is fun , and I know that it is going to be tremendously difficult to get out of the old spending habits and start getting rid of debt rather than only taking on more.

In your case, it seems you have tied your spending and debt to a specific issue in your life, which you are in the process of overcoming, and that tells me you are going to have good luck changing your ways

Glad to hear you are doing well Keep up with the updates.

Hi plix,

It is strange how various federal officials have, for some years now, tried to justify the growing national deficit as a good thing after all! All I can say, from my personal experience, is debt is sometimes a necessary evil but one should try to avoid it at all costs. Certainly student loans have helped many get educations that otherwise would have been unattainable. I was a beneficiary of those some years ago and I am glad I was able to borrow the money.

Spending is fun but I am now learning that not spending can yield its own rewards. Things like peace of mind are important, too. I am still adapting to spending less, though, because not spending is unnatural for me! Or at least it's a new way of life and it takes awhile to adjust.

I took the bus to work for the first time Friday and discovered when I got to work my choice of bus route meant I would have to stay at the office 10 1/2 hours! I chose this bus because the stop is 'only' 1.7 miles from home and has parking. This location has very limited service, though.

Starting tomorrow, I will drive 3.5 miles to a park-and-ride location that has more frequent service. I can sleep a little later in the morning and leave the office after putting in my 8 hours.

-Danya

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 23, 2008 1:22 am Hi MrT,

I will definitely check out MAGICJACK. Sounds like a great deal.

Until now, I have never used coupons for groceries. From what I read online, if you shop carefully and use coupons, sometimes for off-brand items, you can save big bucks. I've always thought it a waste of time to spend an hour searching through the Sunday paper to find coupons that will save you a few pennies. Seems like you can save a lot more.

-danya

Ahh I can speak to this. One of the best days I've had was 100 dollars in groceries and I saved nearly $50! Coupons on everything but store specials. Another thing is to buy ONLY what you want and avoid impulse shopping. Rainbow is one of the few stores that has a store band that is tasty AND inexpensive. I won't buy anything "Flavorite" It should be called "Stale&wrong"

Today you could have bought a dozen eggs for 79 cents (Two cartons max) and milk and butter for a dollar something. Keeping your eyes open when you in the store for special. Like I think it was today 5 pepsi 12 packs for $10? Is a good deal.

Uh I could go on and on....

mrt (imported) wrote: Mon Jun 23, 2008 12:15 pm Ahh I can speak to this. One of the best days I've had was 100 dollars in groceries and I saved nearly $50! Coupons on everything but store specials. Another thing is to buy ONLY what you want and avoid impulse shopping. Rainbow is one of the few stores that has a store band that is tasty AND inexpensive. I won't buy anything "Flavorite" It should be called "Stale&wrong"

Today you could have bought a dozen eggs for 79 cents (Two cartons max) and milk and butter for a dollar something. Keeping your eyes open when you in the store for special. Like I think it was today 5 pepsi 12 packs for $10? Is a good deal.

Uh I could go on and on....

I went to a grocery store this evening and bought a number of items that were marked as two for the price of one. I could tell by comparing with similar items that these were really good deals. I had always thought eggs at the regular price were a bargain source for protein. I did get a dozen large for something like $1.89. Not nearly as low as what you paid. I love olives and to save on the per ounce cost, a lot, I got the largest size jar of the store brand. I was actively looking for specials.

I also picked up the Sunday paper to look for coupons. I'm not sure if I'm overlooking something but there didn't seem to be that many coupons there. I found a total of 3 for things I use. Together, they'll save me about $2. There were other coupons but mostly for prepared food items that I would not normally buy. I must be doing something wrong. It certainly sounds like I could be saving more.

Nonetheless, I still got most of the food to carry me through July 15 for about $60.

I have to conclude it certainly does not mean, at least for me, the absence of what many would consider to be male traits. Tonight, I put a fair amount of effort into several threads on the Archive. Some of those, to my own biased eye, seem decidedly male in tone. By that I mean logical, very technical arguments made with the goal of solving problems or at least providing information and possible answers.

Men, from what I read anyway, tend to want to solve problems they hear from women. A woman will say she is unhappy about something and her male partner will provide a way to fix it.

Women, on the other hand (or so I read), first and foremost want nothing more than someone to listen and empathize with them when they are bothered by something. They first want a sympathetic response to the problem and to know they have been listened to.

From my own experience of having been a male and married to a woman for 20 years, I think these generalizations tend to be true for many interactions between men and women. Of course, there are many variations on the basic interactions but where does this leave me, someone who now identifies as female?

The truth is, I will never be entirely female but I doubt there are very many 'pure' females out there who show no evidence of masculine gender characteristics. The nature of my job and educational background have followed my inclination to be an analytical thinker. I don't see that ever changing. I do feel more male, though, when I'm in heavy-duty analytical thinking mode and I am more stressed besides. Some stress can be good. Too much is certainly not.

On the other hand, I have been told by a number of therapists that I am very left-brain, right-brain balanced. What I like to think of as my ability to, at least in my better moments , develop logical arguments is only part of who I am.

I am still by and large female in gender identity, and I am not basing that just on the simplistic views I present here. Nonetheless, I have always been very empathetic and verbal. I feel more relaxed in this mode, even if I am listening very sympathetically to someone's major life crisis. I can easily get distraught right along with someone who is suffering.

Someday I hope I will find an intimate partner who will listen to me as the woman I am. I will not, though, repress the male characteristics that I value to allow that to happen. If ever someone loves me, it will be for the whole package of 'me'.

Danya, hello, long time.

Here's my two cents. Women, after 1000's of generations, beening treated as second class, like they can't think, like they have no reasoning ability, and are only an emotional being, they have adapated. If the "man" won't trust you to do something, you just make him think he figured it out and do it for you.

Just think about it. If your a woman, and you want to do something, and you know your "man" well give your a ration of Sh-- about it, why not just say oh, I need this and I can't do it, boo whoo.

If you train a woman like you train a man (from birth) they'll act like men. (baring social pressures).

In summary, treat someone like a dummy, they'll act like a dummy.

Just because you can think, reason and act, doesn't mean your not a woman. It just means your smart.

Love Pauline.

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Jun 24, 2008 12:47 pm I have to conclude it certainly does not mean, at least for me, the absence of what many would consider to be male traits. Tonight, I put a fair amount of effort into several threads on the Archive. Some of those, to my own biased eye, seem decidedly male in tone. By that I mean logical, very technical arguments made with the goal of solving problems or at least providing information and possible answers.

Men, from what I read anyway, tend to want to solve problems they hear from women. A woman will say she is unhappy about something and her male partner will provide a way to fix it.

Women, on the other hand (or so I read), first and foremost want nothing more than someone to listen and empathize with them when they are bothered by something. They first want a sympathetic response to the problem and to know they have been listened to.

From my own experience of having been a male and married to a woman for 20 years, I think these generalizations tend to be true for many interactions between men and women. Of course, there are many variations on the basic interactions but where does this leave me, someone who now identifies as female?

The truth is, I will never be entirely female but I doubt there are very many 'pure' females out there who show no evidence of masculine gender characteristics. The nature of my job and educational background have followed my inclination to be an analytical thinker. I don't see that ever changing. I do feel more male, though, when I'm in heavy-duty analytical thinking mode and I am more stressed besides. Some stress can be good. Too much is certainly not.

On the other hand, I have been told by a number of therapists that I am very left-brain, right-brain balanced. What I like to think of as my ability to, at least in my better moments , develop logical arguments is only part of who I am.

I am still by and large female in gender identity, and I am not basing that just on the simplistic views I present here. Nonetheless, I have always been very empathetic and verbal. I feel more relaxed in this mode, even if I am listening very sympathetically to someone's major life crisis. I can easily get distraught right along with someone who is suffering.

Someday I hope I will find an intimate partner who will listen to me as the woman I am. I will not, though, repress the male characteristics that I value to allow that to happen. If ever someone loves me, it will be for the whole package of 'me'.

gpb3aol (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:11 am Danya, hello, long time.

Here's my two cents. In summary, treat someone like a dummy, they'll act like a dummy.

Just because you can think, reason and act, doesn't mean your not a woman. It just means your smart.

Love Pauline.

Dear Pauline,

It is good to hear from you and your note here made my day. It was a good day but long - I just got home from work and it's 10 PM. Despite the fact that I had to be very analytical much of the day, I still feel very feminine tonight

I very much appreciate your comments and agree. Thanks for writing. I hope you are well.

Hugs,

Danya

I kind of hate to keep repeating this. I am truly

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri Jun 13, 2008 2:42 pm happy for the first time in my life.

Although today was a stressful one at the office, I still felt really good about where I am in my life.

Throughout the day, I sent occasional emails to someone on the Archive about my observations on one of the threads here. This really didn't take much time but I am very interested in some of the topics here and felt a need to 'chat'.

One of our female consultants, who has been working with us since January, is finishing her work with us this week. She will be back in November but that's a long way off. She was one of the first people I told that I am transgender.

This evening, she invited me to her hotel room where we shared some room service appetizers (charged to her expense account), shared some wine from my special stash and generally had a good time with lots of 'girl' talk. We hugged at the end of our visit.

Ah, I forgot. We also went out to lunch together. I am watching my budget closely but occasionally I need to kick up my heels.

Then I went back to the office to work some more! That was really OK, though, and it is not often that I need to work late.

Tomorrow evening, my consultant friend and I will go to a local arboretum run by the state university. I'll take along a camera to get some good flower shots and, I hope, one or more really good sunset pictures. This arboretum is a truly beautiful place that not only has gardens but a natural prairie area, long paved trails through old stands of forest, a wild flower garden and a swampy area that has wild orchids. Those may be finished blooming for the season.

I feel so at home with my new friend and will be sorry to see her go. Turns out she will be back in this area periodically before she returns to us in November. She will work for another client in the same city periodically through the summer. This is amazing because she lives on the other side of the country and typically works all over the US and in Europe.

This evening, I received some good news. I will be the substitute organist at my own church for several Sundays this summer. This will bring in some extra cash but even better, I absolutely love playing music for others to hear and I do it well. I mean, I really get off on this - well, not quite literally but it is a powerful experience. It goes without saying that I will practice very hard to almost guarantee some really good feedback. I pour my emotions into the music I play and people typically take notice and mention it. I just lap up that kind of attention!

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 25, 2008 1:32 pm This evening, I received some good news. I will be the substitute organist at my own church for several Sundays this summer. This will bring in some extra cash but even better, I absolutely love playing music for others to hear and I do it well. I mean, I really get off on this - well, not quite literally but it is a powerful experience. It goes without saying that I will practice very hard to almost guarantee some really good feedback. I pour my emotions into the music I play and people typically take notice and mention it. I just lap up that kind of attention!

Hello!

Interesting!

May I ask what kind of reactions you have received from the parish about your step?

We have a woman in your situation in my protestant parish I used to belong to before my conversion.

She is I would like to say accepted to 95%.

Greetings

John

Danya,

Now that you have been a full-time woman for about 5 weeks, how are you accepted at work, at your church, among your former friends, and under other situations? Are you accepted as a real woman? Are you allowed to participate in various female activities and allowed access to all "female only" facilities? In general, how you accepted and treated by your friends, business associates, other acquaintances, and other people in general?

Hello!

John (imported) wrote: Wed Jun 25, 2008 3:23 pm Interesting!

May I ask what kind of reactions you have received from the parish about your step?

We have a woman in your situation in my protestant parish I used to belong to before my conversion.

She is I would like to say accepted to 95%.

Greetings

John

Hi John,

I go to a very progressive Lutheran church that has a reputation within the national church body of pushing the limits. For a period, we were censured and prohibited from voting at national meetings. That ended a few years ago and now we fully participate again.

Roughly 33% of the members are GLBT and they are the most active ones, besides. Even here I cannot say I am accepted 100% with certainty, but I'm sure it is close.

Major GLBT issues that have come before the congregation have always been received very favorably, usually with unanimous support for approval. Even when passage meant going against the national body policy.

Take care,

Danya

Danya,

Mac (imported) wrote: Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:32 am Now that you have been a full-time woman for about 5 weeks, how are you accepted at work, at your church, among your former friends, and under other situations? Are you accepted as a real woman? Are you allowed to participate in various female activities and allowed access to all "female only" facilities? In general, how you accepted and treated by your friends, business associates, other acquaintances, and other people in general?

Hi Mac,

Nice to hear from you. You do have a lot of questions and I like to write. So this will be a fairly long response.

As far as I can tell at work, my acceptance level has not dropped since I transitioned and may have gone up. Until that point, I was gay identified at the office. There are a few people who may be reacting to me a little more cooly now (surprisingly several women) but not among those I work with directly.

I have been very surprised by reactions from a number of male coworkers. There are those who were cool to me before who are now down right friendly and clearly supportive. I have not had any negative reactions from the men at all.

I suspect there are four reasons for this.

I work at a company that is very supportive of its GLBT workers. There still may be some homophobia among some men there and it could be that they are not even aware of that. Now that identify as female, there is no reason to be homophobic.

Having a transsexual woman in the office is a new experience and by and large most people I work with are very open to diversity. When people in my division were required to attend mandatory training on transgender lives, some responded with 'Why, we are XYZ company and we are known to be accepting. We do not need this.' I expect there is some natural male curiosity about what is going on with my life.

The fact the I am well-liked throughout the company and that my work is appreciated plays a part. It has to.

Finally, I am so comfortable in my own skin now I feel confident and happy. As a result, I am able to more easily interact with all kinds of people. If I feel confident and happy, others pick up on this and they then feel comfortable with who I am.

Now that I write this out, I have to conclude that my situation at work has improved since I transitioned! I did not anticipate this, although I was not expecting a bad reaction either.

Many of the men are work are tending to treat me more as a woman. They smile at me more and I like that!

Nearly all of the women treat me well and also accept me as female. Some are switching roles from mere coworker to friend.

I do use the women's rest rooms outside the office with no problem whatsoever. At work, I suggested (for my female coworkers comfort but also for my own) that I use a single use rest room for the first several months. I told the transition team that after that initial period, I expected to be using the women's rest rooms there. This is for my own psychologically well-being. They had no problem with this. In fact

Danya (imported) wrote: Fri May 02, 2008 6:12 am , the female director of my division

said any woman having a problem with this should be told 'Get real and get used to it. What's the big deal? All the women's toilets are in stalls with doors anyway". So in two months or so I expect to be using the women's rest rooms at the office.

I have been invited to several 'girls only' activities related to work and have been happy to participate. No problem there at all. Several women remarked how they knew practically nothing about me before but now feel comfortable and happy getting to know me as a woman.

As far as friends go, I would say I have lost two. Those were already drifting away before I transitioned. They were not at all hostile but clearly not comfortable. This does not bother me. I am making lots of new friends. Long standing friends treat me very well without exception.

I have had no negative reactions from strangers so far. I attribute this to three things.

I am confident so people tend to accept me on that basis. A sure way to make others uncomfortable is to appear anxious about who you are. I never feel that way.

The area I live in is, for the most part, very progressive and accepting of diversity. Even some suburban areas are known as very welcoming of GLBT folks. My community is not one of those, although we do have active school programs promoting acceptance of diversity, including specific mention of GLBT people. I have had no problem at all in my suburban town.

I have been told I 'pass' well so people tend to see a woman when they look at me. Besides, there are things a trans woman can do to make herself more feminine. Things like makeup and jewelry help. I have always tended toward feminine gestures and body movements.

A side note on passing. On my trip to the arboretum last night with my woman consultant friend, I made the mistake of using the timer on my camera so I could take our picture, arm in arm. The lighting was bad, my wig was a little crooked (my friend had assured me my hair looked fine) and I wasn't standing straight. I thought I looked kind of like a chicken with a stretched neck in this photo Usually, I would not let such an unflattering photo out of my possession Today was her last day though, so I sent it to her.

She had already asked permission to frame one of the landscape photos I took yesterday, though, so that compensates for things. This was of a waterfall and I admit it came out fairly well. Unlike the photo of the two of us (me, specifically), it shows no resemblance to something it is not, like an iceberg, for instance! It is not one I would choose to frame (there are a few flaws) but if it makes her happy, I am glad for that. I will correct the flaws to the extent possible and send her an 8 x 10 copy. She wanted to print it herself from the image I emailed her.

Another side note on passing. I am very happy with the way I look and I enjoy preening in front of a mirror. It must be the teen girl in me coming out! As I told my therapist (who says no one would give me a second glance), natural born women come in all shapes and sizes. Few have what are considered the ideal female facial features. I don't either but that's fine. Some time on estrogen will help a bit with that but it is not a big deal anyway.

Generally, then, strangers see me and treat me as a woman. I am regularly called ma'am and everyone has been polite. Women I don't know tend to treat me the way I see them treat other women. Sort of like a member of a secret club.

Take care,

Danya

I feel very calm at the end of my third week on estrogen. I felt this way for the last several days and intermittently before that. It typically takes strenuous exercise to make me feel like this so I am surprised. I haven't exercised in at least 10 days (that has to change!). Actually, it seems like this is a better calm somehow than what I get from exercise. It's still probably too early to be certain if this is from the estrogen or not. It may be a placebo effect or simply contentment that I have transitioned.

This feeling has not interfered with my ability to work effectively on the job. I would be really concerned if it did.

Earlier in the evening, I started to do some research on the emotional effects of estrogen on MtF transsexuals. Without much digging, I found reports that some do experience a calm and happy feeling with HRT. Others experience some depression. I am not at all depressed.

I was going to post the references I found. Right now, I am feeling too calm to bother. Perhaps another time.