EA Forums

Posted: **Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:43 pm**

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:32 am Well, I just made it through what has become the hardest day of the year for me, that being Christmas. This has now become the third Christmas that has pasted without being with my extended family.

Hi Erica,

I was very surprised I received Christmas greetings from my two brothers, but I still do not know if that tentative outreach will lead to anything more. The relationship with my family has been the most difficult issue for me since I transitioned. It still bothers me.

Christmas can be a very difficult time for people with family problems. I can relate and I am so sorry you have this pain in your life.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:32 am I sat alone in the dark for awhile on Christmas Eve while a half of century of Christmases past passed through my mind. And while thoughts of my grandparents, mom, dad and my brother passed by, I cried over their loss in my life. I guess what hurt the most is that I knew that they were gathered together to celebrate the holiday without me. The outcast that nobody wanted to be with.

I, too, thought about Christmases past this year. This is the first year that I was not invited to spend the holidays with my family. I am crying for you now, I know how difficult this is.

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:32 am It's very hard to be transgendered at this time of the year especially with the way my family feels about me. I even tried to telephone my mom twice earlier this week and because of caller ID, she would even answer the call. It's sad.

Though I've never been happier in my life, it's difficult because I can't share this happiness with them. :-\

You once wrote something on my transition thread similar to "it is difficult to be us", meaning transgender women. It is extremely difficult at times.

I am so sorry that you cannot connect with your mom. I know what it feels like to want to share your happiness with your family and be unable to do so.

No matter how happy we are because we are able to be our true selves, there is always unavoidable loss and grief.

I wish I could you a hug at this difficult time. You are a wonderful woman, Erica. You are important to me and I value your friendship.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Sun Dec 28, 2008 2:55 am**

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 27, 2008 9:32 am Well, I just made it through what has become the hardest day of the year for me, that being Christmas. This has now become the third Christmas that has pasted without being with my extended family.

I sat alone in the dark for awhile on Christmas Eve while a half of century of Christmases past passed through my mind. And while thoughts of my grandparents, mom, dad and my brother passed by, I cried over their loss in my life. I guess what hurt the most is that I knew that they were gathered together to celebrate the holiday without me. The outcast that nobody wanted to be with.

It's very hard to be transgendered at this time of the year especially with the way my family feels about me. I even tried to telephone my mom twice earlier this week and because of caller ID, she would even answer the call. It's sad.

Though I've never been happier in my life, it's difficult because I can't share this happiness with them. :-\

Well in my family we had a sort of similar thing. There was a place in the back for those of us who were divorced. That club was me and one cast of relative (the spouse who came to be with her kids) and it sucked.

I think there were times I would have rather been home alone but I do feel for you... This seems so.... dumb to me. Is there not some way to get it into their heads that this is medical? I mean you haven't decided to join the Nazi party or become some religion they don't agree with.

You had a medical problem. Its been corrected. Can we please move forward?

Posted: **Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:01 pm**

i jest to a big step posted my photo dont know i will take this might go all the way and end 50 yr of pain

Posted: **Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:18 am**

Hi Frances,

Thanks for posting. Your pain will end when you take your first big step into being yourself. Both Danya and I can attest to that. But you have to proceed at your own pace and do what you feel comfortable in doing. It all depends on you.

I encourage you to explore yourself maybe by starting with a gender therapist. They can be very helpful in determining your desire to be the person you feel like within yourself.

My thread and my experiences can help.

If you have any questions you would like to ask, please feel free to contact me. I don't profess to have all the answers, but I might be able to help.

Take good care of yourself and be strong! The only limitations on you is you. Don't let the fear of the unknown paralyze you.

Posted: **Fri Feb 06, 2009 10:26 am**

Hi Everyone,

Well, I'm super excited today. I finally got my hair extensions removed today after 5 long months of dealing with them.

It's time to fess up. I did something really stupid last August and had my hair cut really short. What a disaster that turned out to be! I looked so much like a boy again that I cried for 2 days. My only out of that mess was to spend a bunch of money and had a full set of hair extensions installed all over my head...like to the tune of $700.00. The most expensive hair cut I ever got that's for sure!

After 5 long months of enduring the torture of the hair extensions, my hair has finally grown out enough to have them removed. I can't believe how wonderful it feels to be able to run my fingers through my hair again. Something you just can't do when you have extensions.

While my hair is still a little shorter than I would like it, I had it styled in a very cute bob, which I can live with.

It's now time to continue the great growing out process. It should be back to a length that I want it in about 3-4 more months. Until then I can live with it.

Lesson learned. Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it!

Posted: **Fri Feb 06, 2009 11:47 am**

Hi Erica,

I'm glad you've got your own hair back. I use a wig but sometime I will likely grow my own hair long. I dont' have a problem wearing a wig but it would be nice to run my fingers through my hair. I have a slightly receding hair line but no bald spots.

I think I'll still be able to recognize you when we meet, for the first time, next Friday evening.

I can't wait!

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:21 am**

Hi Everyone,

I just updated my avatar with a photo my spouse took of me tonight. New hair cut and new hair color.

The hormones continue to do their work and I'm pleased with the results.

Posted: **Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:40 am**

You are a great looking woman

Keep up the good work

Posted: **Mon Feb 09, 2009 11:45 am**

Looking great. Thanks for posting!!!

Posted: **Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:40 pm**

Hi Erica,

You look gorgeous, as always. I like the new photo.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:17 am**

You never look any way other than great. --FLO--

Posted: **Tue Feb 10, 2009 6:11 am**

That's wonderful. The new hair color really works. Very photogenic!

chilli-

Posted: **Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:46 am**

Hi Everyone,

I've had a wonderful weekend so far. Danya has been so kind as to fly into my home town for a visit with me and my spouse Ellen.

We have had a great time going to Hunters, a local nightclub, as well as doing a little site seeing in the great City of Chicago.

She is a wonderful person with a bubbly and beautiful personality as well as being a very pretty woman and a lot of fun to be with. You should have seen her last night on the dance floor.

I am an extremely fortunate person to know her and to have the opportunity to finally meet her in person. We've had a great time together!

I'm going to be sorry to see her go home today.

Posted: **Mon Feb 16, 2009 9:49 am**

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 16, 2009 1:46 am Hi Everyone,

I've had a wonderful weekend so far. Danya has been so kind as to fly into my home town for a visit with me and my spouse Ellen.

We have had a great time going to Hunters, a local nightclub, as well as doing a little site seeing in the great City of Chicago.

She is a wonderful person with a bubbly and beautiful personality as well as being a very pretty woman and a lot of fun to be with. You should have seen her last night on the dance floor.

I am an extremely fortunate person to know her and to have the opportunity to finally meet her in person. We've had a great time together! I'm going to be sorry to see her go home today.

I know some of you have met Erica at a past Midwest MoM and know, first-hand, what a terrific woman she is. This was my first chance to meet Erica and I had the added bonus of spending time with Ellen, too.

I have spoken to both of them many times on the phone. When we finally met, I felt totally at ease with them. They are a wonderful couple and it was a treat to see them interact. They are both very attractive. Ellen is a real gem in her own right.

Erica is full of energy and lives a full and rich life, as does Ellen. It was so much fun visiting with them, going to Hunters and spending time sightseeing in one of my favorite cities, Chicago. I have no doubt that this visit will end up being one of the high points of 2009. In a day or so, I'll describe some of the fun I had on my transition thread.

I am blessed to be able to call Erica and Ellen my friends. I wish we lived closer.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Wed Feb 18, 2009 3:12 am**

Hi Erica, I'm so happy for you and your new life.

Wow, Danya flew up to meet you and Ellen. That was wonderful! I met her last year, loved her as I love you. Hopefully I can make it to the MoMs this year also. Can't wait to see everyone again. Well, your hair looks great so no more haircuts.

Take Care, see ya soon.

big Hugs, Lilac

Posted: **Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:29 am**

Hi Lilac,

We had an absolute great time with Danya during her visit. We have so much in common being "sisters" in the transgendered world. I just wish her visit would have lasted longer. :-\

I'm am looking forward to seeing you, Danya and everyone else at the upcoming MoM this August. I'm so excited that I can't wait!

And thank you for the compliment on my new hair style. No more hair cuts for a while through I do love the current length. I'm thinking seriously of keeping it this way for a while, but no shorter.

Posted: **Sat Feb 28, 2009 5:39 am**

Well, just another tough day at the office. I am truly becoming convinced that the president of the company I work for is bi-polar. This is the only explanation I can come up with his actions and reactions to things.

This past week he has managed to make everyone in the office angry with him to the point that they either want to wrap their hand around his throat and strangle the life out of him or just walk out and believe me, if the economy was better, that's exactly what I would do. Several of my coworkers have actually hung the phone up on him, mid-conversation.

I have had to take two aspirins every afternoon this week to sooth my splitting headache so much so that I'm starting to become a "aspirin junkie."

The only good thing is that it's Friday and I'll have two days away from him. And then my spouse wonders why I go out for a few cocktails every Friday night. This man is enough to drive anybody to drink.

The only good thing I can say about him is at least he finally has his pronouns down when he refers to me.

What a week. TGIF!

Posted: **Sat Feb 28, 2009 9:23 am**

Hi Erica Ann,

I can relate, at least in part, to what you are experiencing at the office. My direct boss is a great guy who has always been very supportive. It took even him months to consistently get his pronouns right, while a number of coworkers had no problem from the start.

Having a difficult boss can be hell. I've had several.

I feel very frustrated with my own job. I've been putting in very long hours for roughly 2 years. I keep thinking this will change but it never does. Consultants tell us that they know of no other company that is able get by with one of 'me'. One person who does everything I do with systems they are very familiar with.

I'm glad I've got a job at a company that supports my transition, but if the economy were better I would definitely be looking elsewhere.

I hope you manage to have a relaxing weekend.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:41 am**

Hi Everyone,

Well, I have some great news to share. Recently I've noticed that my bras were getting a bit tight so I stopped at Victoria's Secret the other day and had myself measured.

I have now graduated to a size 38 D cup. WOW! I couldn't believe it. When she first brought the bra I had picked out into the fitting room, I thought "no way is that going to fit me. It's huge." I tried it on and much to my surprise, it fit beautifully.

I think I just about floated out of the store on air I was so excited.

WOW a D cup!

When I first started HRT I always told myself that I would be happy to make it to a B cup. Now 39 months later, I've doubled my original expectations!

It's fantastic when I look down at myself and see the size of my "girls." It just blows me away!

Posted: **Fri Apr 03, 2009 9:43 am**

WOW!!! Thats great Erica. Christina always wanted bigger boobs. LOL

I'm sure she would have gotten bigger ones too. I am very happy for you. Hope to see you soon.

Love and hugs, Lilac

Posted: **Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:05 pm**

Thank you lilac. I'm sure that Christina would have gotten them for sure. I do miss her too!

Well, as of last night that old saying now applies to my life..."There is no gravity, the World sucks!"

Posted: **Fri Apr 10, 2009 6:57 am**

Hi Everyone,

My life has gotten much better since my last post. My spouse and I ran across a very rough spot in the road of our relationship, mostly because of something I did, but she has since forgiven me and we have hopefully moved beyond this whole issue. One can only hope.

Posted: **Fri Apr 10, 2009 9:28 am**

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat Dec 13, 2008 11:33 am Hi Erica Ann,

You already know
[/quot
EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:05 pm e]
that I was very concerned about you
after I read "There is no gravity, the World sucks!" I am very happy to hear things are looking up. Both you and Ellen are very special people to me and I wish you the best.

Hugs,

Danya

Posted: **Mon May 11, 2009 1:28 am**

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. You would think I would have learned by now. :-\

I went out yesterday and bought a Mother's Day card for my Mom. I signed it and drove over to her house to drop it off. Her garage door was open and my brother was outside in the front yard speaking to one of their neighbors when I drove up and parked in one of the guest parking spaces.

He saw me pull up and came around the corner of their building, apparently to verify that it was indeed me. As I was getting out of my car I saw him duck around the corner and called out something to my Mother. By the time I got to their front walk, they had both hurried inside the house, closed and locked the front door so I just left her card tucked into the crack between the storm door and the frame. As I came back around the corner, they had also closed the garage door which was open when I first walked by.

It was almost comical if the whole incident hadn't been so sad and childish. It was like, OMG let's run inside and lock the door before the big bad transsexual gets us.

And these two people consider themselves sane and rational adults and think I'm the one that's mentally ill!

Posted: **Mon May 11, 2009 2:33 am**

EricaAnn no one can dissapoint you like family. I am sorry that has happened but I think you have a good grasp of the situation. You are the sane one. Next year you might need a different kind of Mother's Day card.

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