EA Forums

Congrats on the name change, and I am glad to hear the paperwork arrived today

Keep in mind that I am no expert, so the rest of what I say should be ignored, but what most doctors do not realize is that TS women need E levels far above the "normal" ranges given by labs. If your levels are below 200, you may as well not be taking it at all. Girls in puberty have very high levels, with levels over 500 not being uncommon or inappropriate for a TS women who has no contraindications to such levels. Age over 40 can be one of these contraindications.

Also keep in mind that I am speaking of TS women on average, and the right E level for the individual will be determined by her genetic response to E. Some will have significant feminization on just lack of T, while others will hardly respond to those very high E levels I mentioned above.

Patches are not very effective for transition because they do not get the E levels high enough. You would need to wear a very inconvenient number of the highest dose patch to reach optimal levels.

Injections are best to reach those levels, but pills (preferably human E pills - not Premarin) can do it too if you are willing to take enough.

Keep in mind that most pharmaceutical E is designed for postmenopausal women. These women only need a much lower E level to relieve menopausal symptoms. The exception is injections, which were meant primarily for delayed puberty.

The reports that claim E is harmful for TS women, or any women, use Premarin as the E of choice. This is horse E and is not natural to the human body. To date there has not been a single study that has conclusively proven taking human estradiol causes health problems (though I hear they are in the midst of a study to determine if human estradiol carries the same risks as Premarin).

You and your doctor will together need to determine an E level for you that is effective and safe.

Some people just don't absorb Hormones through the skin well. Many in fact. If your levels are not up to a healthy level I say full speed ahead on injections. I was never keen on having shots but I have to say that after the first couple of times its not bad at all. I "think" its easier because I'm doing them. Why? I have NO idea... If you told me that one day I would be giving myself weekly injections and happy to do so? Well? I would be very surprised.

I will dig up my female homone books and try to read up in injectables. I think its "similar" to depo Testosterone but.... Who knows...

YEAH on the paper showing up! Bravo! and Congrats! Your "official" When you figure out how to do the SS card TELL ME!

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:09 pm I think practice makes perfect and Dr Bowers has a lot of practice! Plus she has to have more empathy for a person who has had the same procedure? Well maybe doctors don't think that way.

I am very impressed with what Erica Ann has told me about Marci Bowers. I already knew she was one of the top GRS surgeons in the US. She certainly sounds likes she has lots of empathy. There's the added factor that she does a one-step GRS procedure, which means you don't have to return to get the job finished.

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu Sep 25, 2008 11:09 pm And compounded drugs are fairly inexpensive. Like $35 a month which is probably your current copay? What I really like is that they are bio identical. *Not that some HRT isn't in fact I think the one your using IS bioidentical. Synthetic is not proven to be bad but if there is a choice between human hormones and synthetic creations that mimic them?

Unfortunately, I have numerous prescriptions. By late July, I had already exceeded my insurance maximum yearly out-of-pocket expense for prescriptions. So for roughly the final half of the year, I have no copay for prescriptions. This happens every year. So in a sense, it doesn't matter how much individual prescriptions cost. I will always

plix (imported) wrote: Fri Sep 26, 2008 12:32 pm wind up paying the maximum out-of-pocket expense.

Congrats on the name change, an

d I am glad to hear the paperwork arrived today

Thanks, Plix. Friday I applied for a new social security card and filed paperwork with the county so my real estate taxes are properly handled. So starts the long process of document changes.

Starting late yesterday afternoon, I was in a bad mood that lifted this morning about about 10 AM. That's when I figured out what was going on in my head. Once I knew what was happening, I could deal with it.

I decided I am going to go roller-blading in a little bit. This will further improve my mood. I need to be cautious. After all

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:08 pm , [quote="Danya (imported)" time=12

20129820]
I was diagnosed with osteoporosis in
[/quote]
late December of 2007. My bone fracture risk at that time was listed as 'extreme'. After nine months on a drug that promotes remineralization of bones, though, I am hopeful my fracture risk is now lower. I'll have another bone density scan in January to check things out.

Even my doctor says that skating would be useful (as long as I don't fall! ) since it is a weight-bearing exercise. I love to skate and I am good at it. I rarely fall and when I do it is almost always because someone else runs into me. So I'll go to a place that is uncrowded. I love to skate really fast, too, but will keep my speed down. Of course, since this will be my first time out this year I will skate no more than 3 miles. Last year, I typically did 25.

Later in the day, or tomorrow, I will make some comments on the estrogen issue. Several people have taken the time to post comments on this, which I appreciate very much. I have done significant research into this myself, over several months, but it is always good to get different perspectives.

I really need to get to bed because Sunday will be a long, although fun, day for me. I want to be rested for it!

I mentioned earlier that I am planning my own web site. Having my own space will enable me to do some things I cannot do on the Archive. For instance, it will partly be devoted to selling my photos. It may enable me to form even more friendships locally.

As I am preparing for the new site, I have been going back and reading many of my posts. I am also saving everything I have written to my own computer and ultimately DVDs so I have a permanent record.

Tonight, I was reading and copying my blog posts. Going over material I wrote months ago brings back many happy memories. The responses I have gotten to both blog and thread posts have helped keep me going on my journey. What I have written also serves as a history of my life over the last year. Much of what I read tonight are things that are important but I had forgotten. It really does help to have all this written down.

It also reminded me of how very far I have come in a relatively short period of time. Then there are the many relationships that have developed with friends on the Archive.

I was also reminded of what a supportive site the Archive is. For that reason alone, I expect I will always continue to post here.

Hi Danya!

You mentioned you go rollerskating, please be cautious, we don´t want a girlfriend of ours hospitalised because of broken bones!

Greetings

John

John (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 4:08 am Hi Danya!

You mentioned you go rollerskating, please be cautious, we don´t want a girlfriend of ours hospitalised because of broken bones!

Greetings

John

Hi John,

It's good to hear from you. Turns out I didn't go skating. I checked the weather report and the humidity was very high. That's not good for my asthma.

One dry day soon, though, I will go skating. I appreciate your concern and I will certainly be cautious. Even if I skate no more than I few hundred feet and walk the rest of the way, I'll be happy. At least I will have skated this year.

Hugs,

Danya

Sometimes small things can bring me a lot of happiness and I'm sure this is the case for many people. I had a party at my place yesterday to celebrate my name change. I live in a relatively small townhouse and there is limited parking. I had wanted to invite more people but there wasn't space.

At the party, I had the sense of having family around me and I found this extremely comforting. The people there, and others from the Archive, my church and work have in a very real way been my family for many months now. Everyone of these folks has been accepting of me for who I am and supportive besides.

It's been a month since I let my two brothers and sister-in-law know about my legal name change. In that time I have heard nothing back, despite my sister-in-law's promise to write a 'sensitive email' in mid-April. I have not heard one word from my younger brother since I first told them that I am transgender, back in mid-February.

Of course, I am still dealing with some grief over my family situation, but that is lessening with time and it has never been overwhelming. In fact, I hardly ever think of my family these days. Anyway, the important thing is, I am moving on with my life very well without their support. Part of the reason I am able to do that is because of the kind words from Archive members.

In a way, I hope I never hear from my family. I have a strong suspicion that the most I could ever get from them would be a grudging tolerance for who I am. For me, that isn't enough. I don't want to be tolerated. To me, this is too much like 'We love you but...'. I don't want to hear words from my middle brother like 'I disapprove of what you are doing in transitioning but I love you anyway'. How very condescending. We could then spend the rest of our lives dancing around the issue of who I really am. I do not want a relationship like that.

What I have been feeling lately is an emptiness from the lack of any real family connectedness. It's not that I want that from my biological family because, realistically, I doubt they will ever be able to provide it. The party was very good for me, then, in that I felt connected to people who care about me.

I am very glad I have a family here and elsewhere, made up of caring people who love and accept me just the way I am.

I am working through the many changes to documents that I must complete now that I have a new legal name. I have called several places (e.g., home insurance agent, auto insurance, American Automobile Association, etc.) and I have got to say I get a kick out of these calls.

Of course, I have to give them my former name when I start the conversation. Inevitably, they then address my as Sir or Mr. 'former name'. Then I tell them that I am changing my name, that I am transsexual and the my new name is 'new name'. Everyone has been very polite and by the end of the conversation they have segued effortlessly, and with no sign of strain, from Sir or Mr. to Ms.

Interestingly, the woman at the American Automobile Association said she had a uncle who transitioned, had SRS and is now her aunt. Very nice!

I was excited this morning to get my bank account changed to my new name. I have a few checks the bank printed, with my new name, to hold me over until the boxed checks arrive in about ten days.

Now, I am going to change from the slacks and cute top I wore to work into a nice dress, nylons and heels. Then it's off to get a new driver's license. I am hoping they will simply change my gender on the license to 'F' without question. Perhaps if I smile in a slightly suggestive way at the clerk, who I hope will be a man! This will cost me $43.

Otherwise, I will need to go a second time and pay another $43. Turns out my HRT doctor is on vacation for two weeks. She will write a letter to the state verifying I am on estrogen. I will then be able to change my gender on the license. The problem is, there is no way she can do this, since she is away for a while, in time for me to meet the deadline for getting a new license within 30 days of the court ordered name change.

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 3:50 am Sometimes small things can bring me a lot of happiness and I'm sure this is the case for many people. I had a party at my place yesterday to celebrate my name change. I live in a relatively small townhouse and there is limited parking. I had wanted to invite more people but there wasn't space.

At the party, I had the sense of having family around me and I found this extremely comforting. The people there, and others from the Archive, my church and work have in a very real way been my family for many months now. Everyone of these folks has been accepting of me for who I am and supportive besides.

I'm so glad that I could join your party in a small way via the telepho

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Sun May 18, 2008 10:43 pm ne. I know from my own experience that

this is a great cause for celebration in your lif

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 3:50 am e. Thank you for inviting me. It was indeed an honor.

It's been a month since I let my two brothers and sister-in-law know about my legal name change. In that time I have heard nothing back, despite my sister-in-law's promise to write a 'sensitive email' in mid-April. I have not heard one word from my younger brother since I first told them that I am transgender, back in mid-February.

Of course, I am still dealing with some grief over my family situation, but that is lessening with time and it has never been overwhelming. In fact, I hardly ever think of my family these days. Anyway, the important thing is, I am moving on with my life very well without their support. Part of the reason I am able to do that is because of the kind words from Archive members.

In a way, I hope I never hear from my family. I have a strong suspicion that the most I could ever get from them would be a grudging tolerance for who I am. For me, that isn't enough. I don't want to be tolerated. To me, this is too much like 'We love you but...'. I don't want to hear words from my middle brother like 'I disapprove of what you are doing in transitioning but I love you anyway'. How very condescending. We could then spend the rest of our lives dancing around the issue of who I really am. I do not want a relationship like that.

What I have been feeling lately is an emptiness from the lack of any real family connectedness. It's not that I want that from my biological family because, realistically, I doubt they will ever be able to provide it. The party was very good for me, then, i

n that I felt connected to people who care about me.

I know it's very hard to live without the people that were supposed to love us all of our lives, people that called themselves family. At a time of such great joy for us who are transsexual, it's hard not to be able to share this joy of finally finding yourself and the real person that has always been within us with them. It's only natural because you love them. As we have discussed before, the sad truth of the whole matter is that we love them more than they love us. All they are capable of offering to us is conditional love...something we don't need and can live without.

It's hard to be us Danya. If I could, I'd give you a big hug right now.

All you can do is live your life without them and for yourself. As I'

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:46 am ve said before, it's their

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 3:50 am loss, not yours,

for they will not allow themselves to know the real and beautiful people we really are.

I am

very glad I have a family here and elsewhere, made up of caring people who love and accept me just the way I am.

You will always have people here that will love you and accept you for who you are. We are the fortunate ones, the ones who you have shared yourself with, we are the ones that know the real Danya.

It really is their loss! Your party was great fun and I had the same feeling about it being a family gathering. The Muted TV with the football game made me think of Thanksgiving where its traditional in our house. It was an honor to be invited. Hopefully we didn't scare any of the other relatives but come to think of it thats also traditional in our family.

Janet's dip was much better then the weird jello dishes we have btw!

Keep plugging away on those name changes. Each one is another step! I can't remember exactly what Erica told me about changing the M to a F at the DMV but the way she told her story was very funny!!!

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:09 am Now, I am going to change from the slacks and cute top I wore to work into a nice dress, nylons and heels. Then it's off to get a news driver's license. I am hoping they will simply change my gender on the license to 'F' without question. Perhaps if I smile in a slightly suggestive way at the clerk, who I hope will be a man! This will cost me $43.

Otherwise, I will need to go a second time and pay another $43. Turns out my HRT doctor is on vacation for two weeks. She will write a letter to the state verifying I am on estrogen. I will then be able to change my gender on the license. The problem is, there is no way she can do this, since she is away for a while, in time for me to meet the deadline for getting a new license within 30 days of the court ordered name change.

Turns out a woman helped me change my license. So, absolutely no luck getting the gender changed to female right now. The good news is the cost was only $24, not $43. Perhaps the higher price is for a new license. At any rate, once my HRT doc gets back from vacation, I'll get working on the gender change for the license.

The woman who helped me has two acquaintances who have transitioned. It's amazing how I keep running into people who know people (not 'know of' people) who have transitioned. This makes me suspect Lynn Conway's reanalysis of data on the number of TG individuals, showing a much higher incidence than typically reported, is correct. I may yet get back to addressing that issue in my 'Transsexual Identity Development' thread. If I ever have the time!

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am I'm so glad that I could join your party in a small way via the telepho

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am 114580]
ne. I know from my own experience that
[/q

uote]
this is a great cause for celebration in your life. Thank you for inviting me. It was indeed an honor.

Hi Erica Ann,

Starting to get to know you through our recent phone calls has made me very happy! I was thrilled when you called and spoke, over

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am the speaker phone, at the party. Thanks you, very much!

I know it's very hard to live without the people that were supposed to love us all of our lives, people that called themselves family. At a time of such great joy for us who are transsexual, it's hard not to be able to share this joy of finally finding yourself and the real person that has always been within us with them. It's only natural because you love them. As we have discussed before, the sad truth of the whole matter is that we love them more than they love us. All they are capable of offering to us is conditional

love...something we don't need and can live without.

I agree with you 100%, Erica Ann. What my family also does not get is that the person I am now was always there. The true me was simply not totally apparent to them. I really think if some families would be more open about transitioning relatives, they would eventually see this truth. As you say, there is no way I will have a relationship with them based on conditional love. Life is too

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am short to expend the energy on that kind of relationship.

It's hard to be us Danya. If I could, I'd give you a big hug right now.

All you can d

o is live your life without them and for yo

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am urself. As I'

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Apr 22, 2008 9:46 am ve said before, it's their los

s, not yours,

for they will not allow themselves to know the real and beautiful people we really are.

Only people like you, Erica Ann, and others who have gone through transition or are in the process of doing so can fully understand how hard this experience can be at times. Others here on the Archive and elsewhere certainly have a great deal of understanding and are great sources of support.

Somewhere on the web, I ran across an essay by a transitioning woman entitled "Transitioning Isn't for Sissies". This is very true but I sti

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:18 am ll appreciate how fortunate I have been so far. To have found this immense happiness in my life is a great gift.

You will always have people here that will love you and accept you for

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 7:55 am who you are. We

are the fortunate ones, the ones who you have shared yourself with, we are the ones that know the real Danya.

OK, now I am crying. My tears are from happines, though, not sadness. I know that people here accept and love me and I am so very fortunate to experience the joy of that knowledge. When I started my journey, I had no idea

what a terrific source of caring and support the Archive would turn out to be.

It really is their loss! Your party was great fun and I had the same feeling about it being a family gathering. The Muted TV with the football game made me think of Thanksgiving where its traditional in our house. It was an honor to be invited. Hopefully we didn't scare any of the other relatives but come to think of it thats also traditional in our family.

Hi MrT,

I was very glad you could come and I wish I had more space so I could have invited other Archive members and other friends, too. As it was, I don't think I could have comfortably fit in one more person!

The muted TV football game was not my idea , but I was glad to be accomadating. I thought of Thanksgiving, too, during the party and that gave me a very warm, family feeling. For most of the last 15 years,

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 7:55 am I have been alone at the holidays. That doesn't mean I sit around feelin

g sorry for myself then, so not to worry! Nor am I unhappy or lonely during the holidays. The fact that yesterday felt like a holiday celebration, though, brought back very pleasant memories.

So far, I have heard no reports of other relatives (people from my chosen family) being scared. I agree with you, in any case. Famil

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 7:55 am y members come with all types of temperments.

Janet's dip was much better then the weird jello dishes we have btw!

The taco dip thing was delicious and she was quite pleased with herself over the compl

iments. In my opinion, this was much better than any jello dish. I don't like plain jello and I don't like jello with anything added, either. I would never object to anyone else enjoying jello and I would even watch as they eat it.

Keep plugging away on those name changes. Each one is another step! I can't remember exactly what Erica told me about changing the M to a F at the DMV but the way she told her story was very funny!!!

The way we handle a gender change on the license here is a little different, with less stringent requirements, than in Erica Ann's home state. I am very glad for this!

Hugs to everyone,

Danya

Danya,

It was a pleasure to share your company and that of your friends / co-workers. Some interesting folks! The taco salad stuff was awesome, BTW - Kudos to your friend! Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Congratulations!

Danya,

kristoff wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 10:10 am It was a pleasure to share your company and that of your friends / co-workers. Some interesting folks! The taco salad stuff was awesome, BTW - Kudos to your friend! Thoroughly enjoyed myself. Congratulations!

Thanks, Kristoff my friend. It meant a lot to me that you were at my place yesterday. If I had the room, I would have gladly invited other local Archive folk. The August MoM was terrific and I would love to see those folks again.

Hugs,

Danya

I was working remotely from home, again, this evening when I opened a project plan from a VP at one of our consulting firms. I noticed that she had left my former male name associated with tasks assigned to me. There are a lot of these references, going back months and continuing into the future.

I immediately sent an email to the VP, noting that not only was my name now legally changed but also that I had not gone by that male name for 4 1/2 months. She is well aware of this. I diplomatically asked her to correct my name in all places in the project plan. I explained why this was important. Of course, I thanked her in advance for her help fixing this!

When I transitioned in May, upper management communicated their total support of me not only to employees but to all of our vendors, including this consulting firm. Now, I do not believe it was this woman's intention to slight me in any way. Indeed, despite the late hour of my email, she repsonded right away with an apology and a promise to correct things by the morning. I wrote back right away thanking her for taking care of this oversight.

I am sure this VP is aware that she needs to handle my 'situation' in an appropriate manner as defined by upper management. The somewhat panicked tone of her response tonight made that clear. Nonetheless, I think she really does want to do the right thing by me simply because it's, well, the 'right thing' to do.

Human Resources and management made it clear to me from the beginning that I should notify them of any problems with vendors or coworkers. I hope I never have to do that and I did not suspect I would need to with this particular woman. I am glad I was correct.

Some people don't check their work, some people are too lazy to do their jobs properly and some people just don't care!

Not knowing this person, it's hard to say which of the above applies to her, but from her reaction to your e-mail it sounds like it might be the first of the three.

I agree, Erica Ann, the problem is this woman did not check her work. I have met her and I think she is trying to do too many things in her job. She probably doesn't have time to adequately check everything.

I hadn't intended to post anything today because I am in a really bad mood. For some reason, I always find that sooner or later I want to post what I am feeling here.

It started this morning. This happens only rarely since I transitioned. When it does, I always manage to work my way back to my normal state in a day or two so this time will probably be the same.

There are several things that are contributing to my feeling so down. I'll just leave it at that, now that I think about it. I started to write what these contributing factors are, but that was making me feel worse. I will state that something I wrote here in the last few days is part of it. That brought up painful memories.

What I am feeling today is tied, in part, to being transsexual. Put another way, it is a result of my living the genuine life of

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 15, 2008 10:33 am who I was always meant to be. W

hen Erica Ann stated above 'It's hard to be us Danya', she was absolutely correct. Knowing that someone else who has traveled this path understands is very comforting.

I am not implying that my journey is not worth it. Transitioning is the best thing I have ever done. All I'll say is there can be some difficult moments. The same can be said for any worthwhile venture.

I am feeling much better today. When my mood sours for more than a few hours I can start to panic. This is because most of my life I was clinically depressed and it terrifies me to think I will slip back into that state. I have been fortunate in that I have not been down for more than 2 -3 days at a time since I started the EMSAM patch antidepressant about 19 months ago. It was then, when I was freed of depression

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Jul 07, 2008 11:03 am for the first time in my life,

that I started to live.

These days, I really don't know how I struggled through life for so many years with major depression. Not only did I struggle, but I somehow accomplished a lot along the way.

Eventually I will learn that a day or two of feeling down is nothing to fear. I can and do work my way back to feeling life is good.

There were several contributing factors to my down emotional state. The major factor was over work. My boss has stated a number of times that he has been worried about my continuing to hold up under the strain. Yesterday, I felt I had reached my limit. No matter what was going on at the office, I had to take today off and do no work through the weekend.

Today, then, I have been relaxing and it feels really good. I want to skate before the weekend is over but today the humidity was high, at least this morning. That isn't good for my lungs. Tomorrow looks like it will be terrific weather for skating.

There was something else that contributed to my low emotional state. There is no truly emotionally intimate person in my life. I am talking about someone who knows me well from nearly day-to-day contact and sharing of two selves. What this means is I frequently must rely entirely on my own emotional and mental resources to keep me going through rough times. I almost always do this well except if my stamina is depleted. Just as it has been by having way too much to do at work.

Stating that I must often count entirely on myself to get through rough times does not diminish the importance of the great support of folks on the Archive. That has been a gift to me and has frequently helped me along my way. It is simply that if I am having a rough time at work, for instance, there is no one who knows me intimately that I can call for immediate feedback and support. This is not quite accurate, because there are some folks (some from the Archive) that I can call if I need that. These people have been there for me at a number of difficult times.

I truly know this evening that I am back to my normal state of emotional equilibrium. My good friend 'J' and I had dinner out together, in part to celebrate her 59th birthday. She gave me a lot of good feedback on family issues. It was also good just to get together and talk. We had planned to go out to a local gay bar after dinner but we were both starting to feel tired.

When I got home, I played the piano for a while and now I am feeling energized. I may yet go back downtown to the bar tonight! A week or two ago, I saw a trans woman there but had no chance to speak with her as I was with a coworker. We did nothing more than smile at each other. It would be nice to say hello. Who knows, she might become another friend.

Today's weather was perfect for skating with sunny skies and a high temperature in the low 60s. So I headed out to one of the area lakes that has a paved biking/skating trail. The path is, for the most part, shaded by beautiful trees. Their were autumn wild flowers blooming, too.

This is the first time I have gone inline skating since my osteoporosis diagnosis last December. I have been on medication since then to help rebuild bone mass. My doctor gave his okay to skate, although he warned it would be best to avoid falling.

For the first 1/2 mile, I gave serious thought to stepping out of my skates and walking back to the car. It's really been about a year since I last skated, last October. My aging muscles were not used to what I was forcing them to do today.

After I got warmed up though, things went well and I skated a total of 6 miles. For a few stretches, I was even able to build up to the fast speed I really enjoy. I took one 5-minute break to drink something I think was called 'Powerade'. Not bad at all for someone who is 56 years old. If it were not at that point getting near sunset, I might have gone another 3 miles.

I will admit that I fell once, early on. I wasn't paying attention to something that I always need to watch carefully when inline skating. That is, my center of gravity. I was looking at wild flowers instead. At any rate, two charming young men immediately came over and asked if I was OK. One insisted on helping me up despite my telling him I could get up on my own. He really was very sweet! And cute, too. Of course, I gave him a nice smile.

At any rate, no damage was done by my fall. Once I was up, I continued skating. I suspect I will have sore muscles tomorrow but that is entirely OK by me. I really needed to get outside and exercise. Skating brought back pleasant memories of summers past when I would skate nearly every day after work, usually making a distance of 20 - 25 miles.

My mood was deteriorating again this morning and early afternoon. One thing really bugging me that I have not mentioned earlier is the economy. I am very concerned that I will get 'stuck' mid-transition if the economy does not start to improve. I'll discuss my concerns with my gender therapist on Thursday and I feel certain I will get my head straight about this.

I have been giving some thought to selling my townhouse. This probably isn't a good time for that at all. If I down-sized to a fairly small apartment, I could save more money for transition-related expenses. As I proceed with transitioning and feel more feminine, I am feeling it is more important that I complete additional electrolysis and go for GRS.

Even with the economy a mess, though, the truth is I would stop worrying about it if I could take action (which I KNOW is the answer for me). Then I would feel better. Action here means brining in more money. I can do that but have been frustrated in my attempts by long hours at the office. Lately, there has been little time for anything but my regular job, eating and sleeping. And some posting on the Archive, of course!

I have complained lately about being stressed by my job and my hours are typically quite excessive. The reality is, though, this situation of being over worked has been going on for months. It has simply gotten worse in the last month or two. Of course, I realize I am fortunate to have a good job.

Skating got me back in fine spirits. This Saturday evening I feel completely calm and right with the world. I'm going to soak in the Jacuzzi and may watch a movie before going to bed.

Today has been very good, despite my being very busy with home chores and getting office work done remotely. I spoke with three good friends. My spirits were already high before those calls and now, although I did not think it possible, I am feeling even better. These people and o

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 9:34 am thers here on the Archive and elsewhere

really fill the role of 'chosen' family for me. That I have such great friends who accept me just as I am is a real blessing.

Tomorrow morning, I will have blood work to determine estrogen and testosterone levels, among other things. I won't see the doctor about the results until the following Monday. At that time, I fully expect my estrogen dose will be doubled. I am using the Vivelle-dot patch, which adheres remarkably well. I will also discuss with the doctor the possibility of using injections in place of the patch.

I have had quite noticeable breast development in the four months I have been on the estrogen patch. My nipples are still quite sensitive, too, so I know I am getting results on the patch.

I have noticed a greater urge to cry at inappropriate times. Like when I am sitting at my desk at work. I'm not at all upset when I feel the tears start to form. Mostly, it's just that I am happy. Fortunately, I have managed to suppress the crying urge at the office. This has worked so far, anyway!

Yesterday, I received the

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Sep 30, 2008 6:09 am American Automobile Association

member card with my new legal name. This was nice, because I have received few snail mail items in my new name. Of course, that will change as I get more things changed over to my new, legal identity. The process of getting all that accomplished is looking more complex the more I get into it. Fortunately, I don't have to get it all done at once.

Earlier in the day, I was all set to get started on my new web site. I chose the company to host the site and had nearly completed the sign up process. Then they wanted a credit card to apply the charges. Of course, none of my credit cards have my new name yet. Besides, I really don't want to use credit if I can avoid it. I should get my new bank debit card in a few days then I'll be all set.

Sometime this week, I will have my annual performance review with my boss. This isn't one of my favorite activities although I generally come out very well. I am sure I will get a merit increase. I'll find out how much in my next paycheck.

Danya,

Glad to hear of your successes. You are beautigul.