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EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Thu May 07, 2009 6:56 am Hi Danya,

You can always call me, no matter what time of the day or night. Everyone needs someone they can talk to and I'm always and will always be there for you my "sister."

We have traveled a path that most transgendered people can only dream of and in many ways we have completed this journey or have come close to it.

I'll call you tonight if I don't hear from you first. I'm concerned, but don't worry, we'll both get through this together.

Hi Erica Ann,

Your friendship is very important to me and I, too, feel that we share many things on this path. I miss both you and Ellen. While I may be able to find someone like 'Erica Ann' here, there will never be anyone who can replace your part in my life and heart.

I will call you this evening. Rest assured, though, that I am doing very well again. I'll post more ab

mrt (imported) wrote: Thu May 07, 2009 8:53 am out what's been going on by the weekend.

Hugs,

Danya

"Mrs T" the dog cat fish and kids and I are sending the love so don't get down.

If you need some cheering up

just buzz me on the phone. Morse code is optional...

Hey MrT,

I know you are always there to listen, mei amicus. I value your friendship and both you and MrsT have been very kind to me and supportive. I am fortunate to have met you. You've been helpful since I started down this path.

Hugs,

Danya

Danya,

I am always glad to hear success stories like yours.

Danya,

Mac (imported) wrote: Sun May 10, 2009 11:30 am I am always glad to hear success stories like yours.

Hi Mac,

Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Jul 09, 2008 1:50 am It's always good to hear from you.

If I look at things objectively, I know you are right. Sometimes my intensified emotions get in the way of logical thinking.

Jesus correctly pointed out that I live with myself constantly (I don't know who else would have me ). Because of that, it's more difficult for me to notice how profound the changes in me have been. Others notice, though.

Erica Ann was a big help to me here, too. Things have gone well for me and I am fortunate.

Tugon also had some very kind words for me earlier this evening. In just a few sentences, he said something very important.

I hope you are well, Mac.

Hugs,

Danya

The weekend was difficult for me. Today, I'm totally back to my regular (you may prefer to think of this as 'irregular' ), happy self.

I had a migraine the entire weekend. I finally had to resort to my prescription narcotic. I've had few migraines since I transitioned but this one was severe. The percodan did not make a dent in the pain on the first dose.

Later in the day I took more and that finally knocked out the pain - until Sunday morning.

Anyway, I hate taking percodan. It always leaves me feeling down the day I take it and the next. This influenced my thoughts and feelings, negatively of course.

I don't have time to go into details. The promised help for my work project has mostly evaporated, so I'm working from home this evening.

One piece of very cool news today. I mentioned the money needed for GRS to someone I know. He's the executive producer of a show. He volunteered to do a fund raiser for my surgery! He can probably bring in about $3,000. While that's far short of what I need, it's still a major contribution. More important was that I felt honored and cared for by this friend.

There is some other promising news on the horizon. Unfortunately, I cannot discuss it tonight. I've got to get back to work.

Good luck on what your are working on

And it is good news that your feeling better or are back to your self

Fantastic news on the show stuff. Anything I can do to help please ask. Sorry to hear about the Percodan. I can't remember what I used after surgery perceaset? Spelzed? Anyway it was a race to being knocked out or throwing up. Or was it Vicodine? Who knows... All I can say is opiates was an option for dealing with Orchialgia and I said no thank you!!!!

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 12, 2009 11:05 am The weekend was difficult for me. Today, I'm totally back to my regular (you may prefer to think of this as 'irregular' ), happy self.

I had a migraine the entire weekend. I finally had to resort to my prescription narcotic. I've had few migraines since I transitioned but this one was severe. The percodan did not make a dent in the pain on the first dose.

Later in the day I took more and that finally knocked out the pain - until Sunday morning.

Anyway, I hate taking percodan. It always leaves me feeling down the day I take it and the next. This influenced my thought and feelings, negatively of course.

I don't have time to go into details. The promised help for my work project has mostly evaporated, so I'm working from home this evening.

One piece of very cool news today. I mentioned the money needed for GRS to someone I know. He's the executive producer of a show. He volunteered to do a fund raiser for my surgery! He can probably bring in about $3,000. While that's far short of what I need, it's still a major contribution. More important was that I felt honored and cared for by this friend.

There is some other promising news on the horizon. Unfortunately, I cannot discuss it tonight. I've got to get back to work.

kennath7 (imported) wrote: Tue May 12, 2009 11:13 am Good luck on what your are working on

And it is good news that your feeling better or are back to your self

Hi Kennath7,

You are always so thoughtful and caring. I always appreciate your posts.

mrt (imported) wrote: Tue May 12, 2009 11:45 am Thanks once again for your kind words.

Hugs,

Danya

Fantastic news on the show stuff. Anything I can do to help please ask. Sorry to hear about the Percodan. I can't remember what I used after surgery perceaset? Spelzed? Anyway it was a race to being knocked out or throwing up. Or was it Vicodine? Who knows... All I can say is opiates was an option

for dealing with Orchialgia and I said no thank you!!!!

Hi MrT,

This friend does not always come through on what he says he will do. I know his intentions are good and I am hopeful that he will come do the fund-raiser. He is very busy, so I do not expect anything to happen immediately.

I use narcotics only as a last resort for migraine pain. Like you, I prefer to avoid them entirely.

Hugs,

Danya

Today was a mix of up and down times for me, emotionally.

I worked out my own solution to reduce my excessive workload. It was logical and doable. My boss agreed and the result is at least half what had been on my plate to complete by the end of May has been removed. Until today, I had planned to work this weekend and all of Memorial Day weekend, and some evenings. I won't have to do that now.

I sent my proposal to my boss in an email with the subject "I'm burned out, here's the cure." He is my new manager and he genuinely solicits feedback on how to make things easier and less stressful. He also accepts criticism of the way he handles thing with an open mind. He wants people to give him their honest opinions. All managers should be like this.

Then there was an incident which showed that a coworker in my own group is transphobic. This is the same woman who, at an out-of-town conference last August greeted me with 'Hi Freak' in front of other people, including one of her former coworkers. She was not smiling when she said this. Anyway, I thought that incident was a fluke and in fact everything seemed fine the next day. I was wrong and the fact is I should have reported her comment to Human Resources immediately. At least one person on the Archive recommended exactly that. I hate to make trouble for people, though, and I generally assume everyone intends to treat me well even when there is evidence to the contrary.

HR told me when I transitioned at the office that I should report such incidents. They were quite insistent on this.

I cannot go into the details of what happened today here. I will say that I felt deeply hurt and confused. For a time late this afternoon and early evening, I felt that I was not strong enough to continue down this path. I have a few bad times now and then. But until today I never felt for more than a few seconds any doubt that I had the strength to continue. This is because I felt I was being marginalized for who I am. The result of what this woman did left me feeling like I needed to move to the back of the bus.

For a time early this evening, I was hoping someone, anyone, would call because I felt lost, helpless and alone. Something like a little girl, the girl I am at times. At the same time, though, I did not want to seem needy and call anyone. I do not want to burden anyone else. I want to be a grown-up woman.

I have recovered, completely. As I've noted before, I'm genuinely surprised how rapidly I recover these days.

Now my attitude is 'to Hell with her.' I am not handing her the power to control how I feel.

My gender therapist agreed that, while there was nothing overtly transphobic about what this woman did, she is in fact transphobic.

I treat people well and I rather naively expect they will do the same to me. My company's management remains very supportive and that support was reiterated today.

Well like the obscure Beatles song you know my name now look up the number!

Its unfortunate but there are mean and evil people around that take pleasure in making others miserable. Your exactly right you don't have to give them ANY power to do that. Personally I think revenge is always a good plan. Humm... lets see... Maybe put her on a few mailing lists. Get her some sample subscriptions to some (what kind?) magazines to let her know what its like to be different and see how open minded her little group of Nazi friends are.

Or just get her name and number and tell insurance people that she really wants some!

Of course fighting fire with fire just brings you down to her level. Maybe HR can suggest a course in "understanding" followed by a warning and then a trip to the unemployment line.

- MrT

Danya (imported) wrote: Sat May 16, 2009 2:04 pm Today was a mix of up and down times for me, emotionally.

Then there was an incident which showed that a coworker in my own group is transphobic. This is the same woman who, at an out-of-town conference last August greeted me with 'Hi Freak' in front of other people, including one of her former coworkers. She was not smiling when she said this. Anyway, I thought that incident was a fluke and in fact everything seemed fine the next day. I was wrong and the fact is I should have reported her comment to Human Resources immediately. At least one person on the Archive recommended exactly that. I hate to make trouble for people, though, and I generally assume everyone intends to treat me well even when there is evidence to the contrary.

HR told me when I transitioned at the office that I should report such incidents. They were quite insistent on this.

I cannot go into the details of what happened today here. I will say that I felt deeply hurt and confused. For a time late this afternoon and early evening, I felt that I was not strong enough to continue down this path. I have a few bad times now and then. But until today I never felt for more than a few seconds any doubt that I had the strength to continue. This is because I felt I was being marginalized for who I am. The result of what this woman did left me feeling like I needed to move to the back of the bus.

For a time early this evening, I was hoping someone, anyone, would call because I felt lost, helpless and alone. Something like a little girl, the girl I am at times. At the same time, though, I did not want to seem needy and call anyone. I do not want to burden anyone else. I want to be a grown-up woman.

I have recovered, completely. As I've noted before, I'm genuinely surprised how rapidly I recover these days.

Now my attitude is 'to Hell with her.' I am not handing her the power to control how I feel.

My gender therapist agreed that, while there was nothing overtly transphobic about what this woman did, she is in fact transphobic.

I treat people well and I rather naively expect they will do the same to me. My company's management remains very supportive and that support was reiterated today.

Hi Dayna,

There is one thing that this plant will never run short of and that is ignorance!

As we have discussed before, you cannot allow this person's problem to become yours and to allow her to affect your life or well being.

Some people prefer to live their lives in ignorance and refuse to accept those things that they cannot understand.

You are and have demonstrated that you are a strong woman. Please do not allow yourself or ever feel like a second class person. In many ways you are a stronger person than myself. In that situation, I would have felt an over welling desire to walk up to her and call her out to her face as the ignorant bitch that she is, but that's just me. It must be the Chicago Italian in me.

Please, never feel that you are a burden to me. Call me my sister when you are down. I will always and forever be here for you.

mrt (imported) wrote: Sun May 17, 2009 1:38 am Well like the obscure Beatles song you know my name now look up the number!

Its unfortunate but there are mean and evil people around that take pleasure in making others miserable. Your exactly right you don't have to give them ANY power to do that. Personally I think revenge is always a good plan. Humm... lets see... Maybe put her on a few mailing lists. Get her some sample subscriptions to some (what kind?) magazines to let her know what its like to be different and see how open minded her little group of Nazi friends are.

Or just get her name and number and tell insurance people that she really wants some!

Of course fighting fire with fire just brings you down to her level. Maybe HR can suggest a course in "understanding" followed by a warning and then a trip to the unemployment line.

- MrT

Mrt T,

You are quite right. Although I really do not view this woman as evil. I cannot because I do not believe she is.

She is ignorant, close-minded, manipulative and mean-spirited.

I like your revenge ideas.

As I had an unusual childhood, I'm not even familiar with most of the well-known Beatles songs, let alone the obscure ones. My work schedule is starting to ease up and by next weekend I fully expect to not have to work at all. I would like to speak with you soon, my friend. You have been very supportive and I treasure that

EricaAnn (imported) wrote: Mon May 18, 2009 2:11 am . I also miss seeing you and MrsT.

Hugs,

Danya

Hi Dayna,

There is one thing that this plant will never run short of and that is ignorance!

As we have discussed before, you cannot allow this person's problem to become yours and to allow her to affect your life or well being.

Some people prefer to live their lives in ignorance and refuse to accept those things that they cannot understand.

You are and have demonstrated that you are a strong woman. Please do not allow yourself or ever feel like a second class person. In many ways you are a stronger person than myself. In that situation, I would have felt an over welling desire to walk up to her and call her out to her face as the ignorant bitch that she is, but that's just me. It must be the Chicago Italian in me.

Please, never feel that you are a burden to me. Call me my sister when you are

down. I will always and forever be here for you.

Hi Erica Ann,

I so wanted to call you Friday evening but I did not because I thought you would be out enjoying the evening.

Part of what happened with my coworker is that she requested to move to a different spot because I talked about sex with her. I haven't had sex in the entire time she's been employed at my company. There's nothing to discuss, nor do I make jokes in the office about sex. She, on the other hand, has informed me how her husband brags about how quickly he can get her pregnant. I was the first person she told she was pregnant again this year, weeks before she told anyone else. She has shared intimate details of her pregnancy, its problems, her moods, details of childbirth, etc. with me.

I have mentioned GRS to her and the expense. She also knows I'm taking estrogen. These things were discussed in the mandatory training for employees from my division. I'm not certain that she even listened in on that. She was out on maternity leave when that meeting was held.

I think she has ambivalent feelings and cannot reconcile these. She's told me before that I am one of the few people in the office she genuinely likes.

MrT wrote me that Einstein said the one thing in the universe that is truly infinite is stupidity.

Part of the reason this affected me so strongly was tie-ins to emotional issues I had worked through as that other person I used to be. Like being assaulted and nearly killed when my ex-wife and I were trying to help people. And then feeling helpless against my attackers.

I'm particularly attracted to the Chicago Italian in you. I've told you how I am not that way, but I thoroughly enjoy seeing this in you. You are a terrific woman and friend, Erica. I am so fortunate to have connected with you and, at last in February, had time to spend time with you.

Please also know, my sister, that you can call me if ever you have a need. I am always here for you, too.

Hugs,

Danya

Hi Danya!

Already the Romans knew that about people who behave strange:

Stultorum Infinitus Est Numerus

they said, meaning the mainiacs are without numbers!

Greetings

John

John (imported) wrote: Mon May 18, 2009 5:49 am Hi Danya!

Already the Romans knew that about people who behave strange:

Stultorum Infinitus Est Numerus

they said, meaning the mainiacs are without numbers!

Greetings

John

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Sep 29, 2008 8:56 am Hi John,

It's good to hear from you

again. As you know, I was worried about you, not having heard from you in awhile.

I'm tempted to post that Latin phrase on my cubicle wall.

Hugs,

Danya

I don't have much time to write this evening. I'm busy preparing from my one-year anniversary party Tuesday evening. This is the first anniversary of me, Danya, the day I became a new person at the office.

I'm starting to feel very angry about what happened at work. This is a good thing, but also potentially dangerous. I'm considering writing a formal letter, diplomatically phrased, to Human Resources explaining my side of things.

I have no wish to get anyone in trouble. On the other hand, I am concerned about not having my side of the story fully heard and in the record. These are my points and concerns, someone of which I've already mentioned:

1. I never talk about sex at work. There's nothing to discuss, it's not part of my experience.

2. My moving coworker, though, has discussed part of her sex life and pregnancies, in intimate detail.

3. At least parts of management are confusing sex and gender identity-related discussions. When I have spoken about the latter, it's specifically about who I am at my core.

4. I understand how sex and gender identity are conflated in some people's minds. Nor is GRS specifically about sex, it's about one's feeling comfortable in his or her own body. This shows a lack of proper training among members of a company that is actively pushing for greater diversity and understanding.

5. I have no problem if some coworkers are uncomfortable with the subject of gender identity. I do not need to discuss this with them and I have no desire to make anyone uncomfortable. I regret that this has happened.

6. Nonetheless, I feel there is the danger of my feeling more isolated at the office because a few people decide they cannot sit near me simply because I am transgender/transsexual. I cannot imagine a person's color being used as the basis of a move request, at least not one that would be given credence.

Finally feeling angry, instead of using my reason to say everyone has acted so calmly about this I should, too, has enabled me to feel a lot better.

I just played sections of Chopin's Ballade #4 in F-minor on my piano. Perhaps I interpreted these passages a little more passionately than usual. When I play like this, it's a sure sign I am in a good mood.

I'm still a bit tense about going to the office tomorrow.

Despite my coworker greeting me, in August last year, as 'Hi Freak', I managed to put that aside. I did not let it get in the way of our working relationship nor did I allow it to get in the way of what I foolishy thought was a growing friendship.

I am also considering pointing out, as a member of the Diversity team, that transgender people are among the most discriminated against persons in American society.

I am considering including this in a letter to HR. I will have a confidential discussion with a friend in HR before I put anything in writing.

John (imported) wrote: Mon May 18, 2009 5:49 am Hi Danya!

Already the Romans knew that about people who behave strange:

Stultorum Infinitus Est Numerus

they said, meaning the mainiacs are without numbers!

John

The subject of the sentence is numerus which is modified by the genitive plural stultorum The number (or count) of fools est is Infinitus a nominative singular subject complement (or if you will, predicate adjective) infinite; Infinite is the number of fools or The number of fools is infinite.

Also, as the philosopher James Douglas Morrison noted, "People are Strange"; they behave strangely.

gareth19 (imported) wrote: Mon May 18, 2009 10:46 am The subject of the sentence is numerus which is modified by the genitive plural stultorum The number (or count) of fools est is Infinitus a nominative singular subject complement (or if you will, predicate adjective) infinite; Infinite is the number of fools or The number of fools is infinite.

Also, as the philosopher James Douglas Morrison noted, "People are Strange"; they behave strangely.

Hi Gareth!

That´s one of the backsides writing in another language than your own!

Greetings

John

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon May 18, 2009 8:34 am I don't have much time to write this evening. I'm busy preparing from my one-year anniversary party Tuesday evening. This is the first anniversary of me, Danya, the day I became a new person at the office.

I'm starting to feel very angry about what happened at work. This is a good thing, but also potentially dangerous. I'm considering writing a formal letter, diplomatically phrased, to Human Resources explaining my side of things.

I have no wish to get anyone in trouble. On the other hand, I am concerned about not having my side of the story fully heard and in the record. ......

I was able to resolve the work 'problem' without resorting to bloodshed! I found out that things were not what they seemed and the entire episode was based on misinformation. Once I learned what was really going on, I wrote to the leader of my division to point this out and he agreed with me.

My coworker and I had a terrific talk this morning over coffee. We were very honest with each other. I had considered her a friend before (despite the 'Hi Freak' comment, which I discussed with her today) and now I feel that bond is stronger. She was being unfairly treated, too. We worked together to solve our joint problem.

I haven't had the chance to implement the final step of my 'set things right' plan, cookie diplomacy. By the end of the week, I'll bake cookies and take them to work.

That's really great news I am happy for you

I just knew you had the inner strength to move fore ward

And over come this small problem

Great work

The same as I told you this AM in our phone conversation, Congratulations on achieving one year of transition to the real you! (Mom's doing OK, just needed company.... Sorry I couldn't make the party!). See you soon!

One year ago today, I stepped into my office building as Danya. That was an incredible day and I didn't think my life could possibly get better.

Amazingly, it has continued to improve and I don't see an end to that.

I had a terrific day and fun evening with a number of coworkers coming over for food and good conversation.

All but one person knew me 'before', as the person I used to be. They made a number of interesting observations. Some who know me here will undoubtedly agree with some of these. They may even feel some sympathy for my coworkers.

1. I'm much more talkative now. I am certain some think they cannot get me to stop.

2. One woman mentioned she couldn't believe how feminine I looked on my first day at the office as me and she had been slightly jealous. I found this a little difficult to believe. I'm simply reporting here. She also noted that I have a seemingly instinctive sense of style.

3. This same woman brought her black, French boyfriend whom I had never met. We had a fascinating conversation and he posed a question no one else (other than here) has asked me: Having experienced life as both male and female, what was different? Everyone was interested in this and I (seemingly forever talking these days) had no problem answering. He was very perceptive and related my experience to some of his own. He was speaking about the way many people make judgements about others without ever trying to learn about them. To speak with them and be willing to let go of preconceptions; to be willing to learn.

4. Another young woman could not remember what I looked like as my old self. I was delighted to hear this.

5. Every person who has known me commented on how clear it is that I am happy and confident. They also noted that it is far easier for them to know me now than 'before.'

6. Another person mentioned how courageous I am. For the most part, I've felt that transitioning was more something I had to do and not particularly courageous. I responded that this was more letting go of fear than courage. No matter how I tried to rephrase courage into something else, several guests would somehow perversely find a way to reinterpret this as courage. Again, I'm only reporting. I still don't feel particularly courageous.

7. A different coworker thanked me for my leadership. I'm not exactly sure what she meant, although I have a few clues.

There were many other things we discussed that had nothing to do with me. I found this refreshing! The entire evening was filled with good conversation and friendship.

During the day, there were some very good things at the office. Including the leader who had called me into his office last Friday serving me lunch.

Finally, I had some wonderful phone conversations with good friends from the Archive. I feel reasonably confident one of these people could not believe how short our conversation was.

kristoff wrote: Wed May 20, 2009 11:34 am The same as I told you this AM in our phone conversation, Congratulations on achieving one year of transition to the real you! (Mom's doing OK, just needed company.... Sorry I couldn't make the party!). See you soon!

Kristoff, my friend,

I was delighted when you called. It was so good to catch up on what's going on in your life. I'm glad to hear your Mom is doing fine.

I look forward to seeing you before much longer.

Hugs,

Danya

kennath7 (imported) wrote: Wed May 20, 2009 11:14 am That's really great news I am happy for you

I just knew you had the inner strength to move fore ward

And over come this small problem

Great work

Hi Kennath7,

I'm very glad you wrote today. As I wrote above, I had a one-year anniversary party tonight for coworkers. Now I feel you're a special part of the day, too.

Thanks for your very kind note.

Hugs,

Danya

Congratulations! It hardly seems that a year could have passed. --FLO--