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Hey Danya

just popping in to say hi, and to send a smile your way =)

Hey punkypink,

I appreciate your stopping by and saying 'hi'. I appreciate the smile, they are always welcome. Hope all is well with you.

Hugs,

Danya

Danya,

How is the job search going? How did the last interview go - did you get the job?

Hi Mac,

I'm still waiting to hear about an interview for the very promising position I wrote about recently. There are complications, some of which I can't go into here. One of them, though, is the holiday. It's not impossible that I would get an interview this week.

I have my resume in for positions at two other companies that are also looking good. I hope to know more tomorrow.

Despite this, I continue searching very diligently for other possibilities. Promising opportunities don't mean much until a job offer is made.

I'm not sure what you should tell your wife if she notices you have shaved your legs. You know you situation and wife better than anyone.

One very nice thing about being on estrogen is that the growth of my body hair is greatly reduced.

Hugs,

Danya

You should consider vaginal construction when you have your surgery. You may or may not want to have penetrative sex afterward, but it is nice to keep the option open. You should try it at least once.

As for the job search...

I know how hard it can be, especially in today' economy. Never give up trying.

Remember: A new job is like sex. It can be a pain in the ass at first, but once you get going you will be glad of it.

micropenis (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 21, 2009 8:46 pm You should consider vaginal construction when you have your surgery. You may or may not want to have penetrative sex afterward, but it is nice to keep the option open. You should try it at least once.

As for the job search...

I know how hard it can be, especially in today' economy. Never give up trying.

Remember: A new job is like sex. It can be a pain in the ass at first, but once you get going you will be glad of it.

I'm definitely considering GRS with the creation of a 'neovagina', as the pros call it! This would provide the 'open' option you describe. I know I'd like to try penetrative sex.

I appreciate your words of encouragement on my job search, micropenis. Although sometimes it takes me awhile to get over the shock of a major life crisis, like losing a job, I always persevere. Perhaps it's related to a strong stubborn streak that has been pointed out to me on many occasions. Although probably less frequently since I transitioned.

I love your analogy between a new job and sex!

Thanks for writing.

Hugs,

Danya

Tomorrow, I will travel to Chicago to spend Christmas with Erica Ann and her family. I am tired today, and worn out from my job search. But I have no doubt that once I arrive at their home, I will start to recover and have a wonderful time. I'm also looking forward to meeting Bryan (Terri).

I haven't enjoyed Christmas at all for the last fifteen years, mostly because I have nearly always been alone. There's so much emphasis at the holidays about family and spending time together (enjoyable time, at that.) So, although I was not consciously lonely, I felt a void in my life.

The situation was looking to be even worse this year because I never received a response from my relatives to my letter (mid-November) setting boundaries for an honest and respectful relationship. It already looked like they could accept me only from a distance. Not getting a response to my letter shows that this is, indeed, the case.

The result, however,is that their lack of response has given me a sense of freedom. I no longer hope that one day they will come to accept me. I left the door open for that down the road, if they can abide by the boundaries (such things as mutual respect, at least being willing to be seen with me in public perhaps at my place first, keeping me in the loop on family events) but I doubt that it will ever happen. After all, it's been nearly two year

Danya (imported) wrote: Tue May 27, 2008 2:47 am s since I first told them I am transgender

and provided them with support and reference information. I feel free now to move on with my life while not wasting energy hoping for something that will never be.

Nonetheless, by late November I expected this Christmas to be one of my most difficult. I am unemployed without a biological family for support of any kind.

Fortunately, friends on EA and elsewhere have been very supportive.

Then Erica Ann called one morning some weeks back to invite me to spend Christmas with her and her family. I was on my way out the door for an appointment when she called, to see my gender therapist. As I drove, I was elated by Erica Ann's invitation. People talk about families of choice and I realized, again, how important my family of choice is for me. That it is even more valid for me than my biological family had ever been.

Erica Ann and her spouse are part of my family of choice. I really do view Erica Ann as being my sister. There are others on the Archive, and off, who are also part of this family.

I thought I'd have something more profound to write about this family, but I am very tired. I also need to finish packing for my trip.

Happy Holidays to everyone.

I arrived at the home of Erica Ann and her family early this evening, getting out of Minnesota just in time to miss a huge snowstorm! As I approached Chicago, I ran into some sleet, rain and snow but this was a minor annoyance compared to what I left behind.

All I want to say for now is it's already clear that this will be the best Christmas of my adult life. I am blessed to have Erica Ann in my life. It seems the more I get to know her, the more I realize what a remarkable woman she is.

[I probably shouldn't write that here - she may see it! ]

I am also blessed with the friendship of several other people on EA. I am very fortunate.

I spent a wonderful day with Erica Ann and her family, along with a good friend of her youngest son.

By the end of the evening, I was feeling overwhelmed by emotions brought on by the contrast between this Christmas and others. By memories of Christmases from my childhood, which were happy on the surface only. Christmases during my 20-year marriage, when I generally felt stressed by the need to pretend to be someone I was not. In more recent years, I have typically spent Christmas alone, feeling the holiday was merely something to be endured.

What was missing from every previous Christmas of my life was the presence of people who cared about me and accepted me for exactly the person I am. When I was not alone, what people saw was a rather two-dimensional person struggling to match their expectations. My inability to do that was extremely stressful.

This two-dimensional limitation to my personality was brought to my attention by a psychologist years ago. I was stunned by his observation. I felt that I was defective and somehow not a complete person.

He was right, though, and I did not become a complete person (very three dimensional) until I started to address my gender identity. It seems obvious now; I had been repressing a crucial piece of my identity to please others.

So, this Christmas Eve I spent time with a loving group of beautiful people who care about me exactly as the three-dimensional woman I am. They see the complete me and not a two-dimensional, incomplete representation of a person.

Late Christmas Eve, Erica Ann's spouse told me she was concerned Christmas with them would not meet my high expectations. I responded that it was already exceeding my expectations. What everything came down to, from the delicious shared food, the Christmas music, opening of gifts, games around the dining room table and finally my feeling so overcome with emotions that I was in tears - what it all came down to was feeling very much at home and cared for, at long last and by people who fully accept my true self. I could not ask for a better gift.

Danya

I am happy to hear that everything went well for you.

Christmas day turned out to be the most relaxing and ejoyable holiday ever. For the first time, I was not depressed when the day was over.

Erica Ann, her spouse and I went to and 11 AM Christmas Mass which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Today has been similarly relaxing and perhaps even better. An added benefit was getting to know both of Erica's sons better. I felt completely at home.

Tonight, we're going out to Hunter's nightclub, my third trip there since February. I'm going to wear my 'little black dress' with a pendant Erica kindly lent me. Once we get there, I'll take off my boots to switch into my black, 4" heels. It's very possible that tonight I will dance at Hunter's.

Tomorrow I will return home.

Got to go so I can fix some chipped nails!

You might not have the cure to Christmas depression or depression in general but it sure sounds like a hell of a good treatment!

Belated Merry Christmas and glad you had a great time!

mrt (imported) wrote: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:05 pm You might not have the cure to Christmas depression or depression in general but it sure sounds like a hell of a good treatment!

Belated Merry Christmas and glad you had a great time!

It was terrific treatment, MrT! Hope you had a good holiday, too.

Hugs,

Danya

I left the Chicago area Sunday morning, after spending the evening of December 23 through very early Sunday with Erica Ann, her spouse, children and a few other folks. During the visit, I learned several things:

1. Several months after transitioning, I knew I had become less introverted. Now I know this goes further than I initially realized. During my visit, I spent several days surrounded by people for many hours at a time. Some I had never met before. I was entirely comfortable, actively participated in conversations and board games, sat comfortably for group photos and felt no need to be alone to recharge.

Now that I'm home, I miss having those people around me. I mean I really miss all of them, and Erica Ann most of all. I wish we didn't live so far apart.

I still tend to be an introvert, but there seems to be an extravert part of me now. I am having a little trouble adjusting to being at home by myself.

When I arrived home last night, it was the first time ever that I was not happy to be back.

2. I already knew Erica Ann's spouse is terrific. This visit made that even more apparent. Erica Ann is very fortunate here.

3. I can have interesting discussions with young adults and when we don't agree, I am not bothered. Several of these talks were very stimulating. During my 20s, I tended to believe I had all the answers and thought anyone who did not agree with me was beyond a doubt mistaken. Now, I state and defend my opinion but I am not at all bothered by disagreements.

4. I saw more evidence that little children feel more at ease with me than before I transitioned. On the drive home, I stopped to get a bite to eat. As I was leaving, a young girl of 2 or 3 tried to open the door for me. I thanked her and proceeded to the next door to the outside. The young girl dashed ahead and tried to open that one, too. Then she followed me out onto the sidewalk. I asked her where her parents were and said she'd better go back inside. Just then, her father came up. As she followed him, she turned to me and waved, shouting 'bye!'

5. Saturday evening, Erica Ann, her spouse and I went to Hunter's nightclub. At one point, Erica Ann told me I had an admirer behind me. When I turned to look, he left. He came back later and sat beside me. We spoke for quite awhile and he bought me a drink. I was thrilled! He seemed like quite a gentleman and I knew that he would probably want to spend the night together. Early in our conversation, I told him that was not going to happen. Nonetheless, we kept talking for a long time.

We kissed and enjoyed a few other expressions of physical intimacy. I was very comfortable with this. I was never comfortable with the few women I dated before I met my future wife many years ago. Even after I was married, I usually had to psych myself up to get physically intimate.

My experience with the man at Hunter's was very different. I was relaxed, confident and totally into his expressions of intimacy. It was all effortless and fun.

Well I always thought you blended well. Clearly you really blended with this guy! Thats great! Now, if only he was rich....

mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Dec 30, 2009 7:42 am Well I always thought you blended well. Clearly you really blended with this guy! Thats great! Now, if only he was rich....

Before we went to Hunter's, I commented to Erica Ann that I would be on the lookout for a rich man! While this guy was fun, he definitely wasn't rich.

Come to think of it, even if he weren't rich but had a nice stable job and, perhaps, a house I'd be willing to enter negotiations. And perhaps 20 grand or so to pay for my for GRS!

Hi my Friend!

If I don´t get time tomorrow I do it already now:

Send you wishes for a better new year than 2009 was.

Greetings

John

John (imported) wrote: Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:46 am Hi my Friend!

If I don´t get time tomorrow I do it already now:

Send you wishes for a better new year than 2009 was.

Greetings

John

Hi John!

You are very sweet! Thanks for the good wishes for a better year in 2010. I hope 2010 is a good year for you, too.

Hugs,

Danya

I'm feeling a bit down tonight and rather than tell myself "I shouldn't feel this way", I'm allowing myself to fully experience what's happening. Usually, I'm my own best cheerleader and I keep going no matter what the circumstances and feel fine. I don't think I'm actively repressing feelings at these times nor is it typical for me to deny my feelings. It's more a matter of practicing cognitive therapy techniques. I analyze why I might be feeling down and then change my thinking so my feelings follow along. Someone here may have fits over this explanation.

The holidays and my birthday have been wonderful. Far better than I ever thought they would be. I've already written about the wonderful Christmas I spent with Erica Ann and her family.

My birthday a few days ago was also terrific. I went out with an old friend. She brought along a woman friend of hers who turned out to be quite a lovely person. I was treated to a very nice lunch and then both my old and new friends insisted on buying me a number of things ranging from beauty aids to clothing.

The clothing part was after I returned home and they didn't have my size. They went to several stores trying to find the right outfit and finally found what they thought would fit and bought it. Turns out it did not, but that's not my point. These two women, one of whom I had just met, spent a lot of time trying to find something I wanted. I had not asked them to look, let alone pay for it.

They also shared personal makeup tips and my new friend gave me some advice for my job search.

Tugon and Plix also had a role in making my birthday memorable. In many ways, then, my life remains good even without having a job.

Ah, the job search, the thing that is causing me to feel down this evening. Today marks the start of my sixth month without employment and I feel stymied. Everything I read and hear, from people who know, tells me this feeling is entirely normal. Tonight, I don't care how normal it is, I hate it.

Not only do I lack sufficient income to pay all the bills (something I can handle) but I don't have the funds to proceed with what I consider to be important parts of my transition. It is the latter I find particularly difficult. Right now, telling myself that all this is temporary is not helping my mood.

That's because I don't have a clue as to the long term effects of my unemployment on fulfilling my dreams. I want to have GRS and complete electrolysis. Until now, I have always believed I could make things happen to bring about the results I wanted. I worked very hard at achieving my goals and got to where I wanted to be.

In this economy, however, I am not certain I can get another job that pays as well as the one I had. As my friend Kristoff told me today, roughly, "Less pay is better than no pay." I agree with him and even if I make less it should still be a decent income.

I know that the most important thing for any transsexual person is who they know themselves to be. At the same time, though, I suspect I am among that group of transsexuals for whom GRS is an important part of the gender dysphoria treatment. I'm basing this conclusion on a lecture given by the current president of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health. His name is Walter Bockting, a PhD psychologist at the University of Minnesota.

I'm also basing my conclusion on needing GRS on the way I feel all of the time. Make no mistake, I remain happier since I transitioned than I ever imagined possible for me. I'm still amazed by this and, as another Archive friend (Jesus) recently agreed, I am still like a teen in my emotions. Many things I experience still seem new and quite wonderful. Even if I've already experienced them since transitioning.

Somehow, perhaps unrealistically for the first time, I feel that I will still manage to achieve what I want. GRS is but one part of what I want and not even the most important. The rest is all related to increasing my social connections and the depths of my friendships. It's also about being out and about interacting with all kinds of people who just happen to accept me as the woman I am. Oh yes, there's also the fairly important matter of finding a good job.

Dear Danya,

Being without employment can be very discouraging under any circumstances. I was hoping that you would have gotten one of the last jobs for which you had interviewed. Good luck with your continued job search.

Do you feel like the termination of your previous job or your lack of being offered a new position have anything to your being a woman?

Hi Mac,

Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Nov 30, 2009 4:05 am [[quote="Danya (imported)" time=

1244337420]
quote="Danya (imported)" time=1
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I appreciate your kind remarks. I
[/quote]
am feeling better now than when I wrote the previous post last night. Occasionally, I feel down about my situation but most of the time I'm doing fine. In fact, better than I would have expected in this situation.

It's still possible I will get an interview for one or both of the latest positiions I applied for. The holidays meant a lot of people were off on vacation and businesses tend to slow down. I'll pursue this more Monday.

My job counselor tells me that, on average, it is taking people 6 - 9 months to find a new position. So there is the possibility it will take me even longer than 9 months. I'd prefer less than 6, though. When I do find a job, the Archive will be one of the first places I report it.

Hugs,

Danya

At last I think I've reached the point where I have given up all (well, nearly all ) worrying about being without a job. It's not that I suddenly take my situation lightly. I do not. Somehow, I just know everything will work out. This may seem obvious to others, but it hasn't been for me. That's because there will be serious financial ramifications if I do not find a job soon.

For the months after I transitioned and still had a job, I thought I finally understood how important friends were in my new life. I was a much more social person than before transitioning and people noticed and definitely liked the 'new' me more than the old. Thing is, though, I was too busy working long hours to spend much time developing and sustaining friendships.

It's taken me several months and many get togethers with friends, new and old, to accept that I am genuinely liked simply because I am a lovable person. I don't have to do anything to earn this affection because being lovable is part of my essence. Having grown up as an emotionally abandoned child, I never before have totally trusted people even when they treated me kindly. Now there are a number of people I trust very much.

Then there is my new sister, Erica Ann, and a local sister. They have shown me that I have a family, after all.

What matters most to me now is that I have friends, and two sisters, whom I can depend on to help me get through this time. Even if they don't always realize they are helping.

So even though I do not have a job, I have friends and family. They are the most important part of my life.

I am still amazed at how my life continues to improve since the date I began living full-time as the woman I am. Many months ago, I wrote that I felt I had reached a plateau and my life could not possibly get any better. But it has continued to improve and the depth of my happiness continues to increase. What a wonderful trip this transition journey continues to be.

Last Thursday evening, a friend came along for my makeover at Ulta. I've had one other makeover, but that one was not nearly as successful as this.

No one ever told me about some of the important steps I was missing in the makeup process. The right face cleanser, toner and a very rich moisturizer make a huge difference. Not to mention the right colors.

I couldn't believe the improvement after the makeover session. My friend had her camera along to take photos.

I don't even mind that, with the new regimen, it takes me significantly longer to complete my makeup. The results are worth it. With time, I'll be able to finish this faster.

My face looks so much smoother now, even those not so pleasant areas where I have facial hair. I'm not at all thrilled about having to shave. At least now, even if I look closely in the mirror, my face is very smooth.

This does not mean I do not want to complete electrolysis!

There's little news on the job front. I've had a few more phone interviews.

Now, though, I feel more freedom to move if I decide that's the best thing. I'm giving this some serious thought.

Ever since I finished a degree program in evolutionary biology (a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away - the East Coast ), my program advisor and I have exchanged Christmas cards. The first Christmas after I transitioned genders, I did not send a card for the first time. I just didn't feel like explaining the changes in my life to yet another person.

This Christmas, just passed, I decided to explain my new life to this professor friend. It didn't matter if I got a response or not.

Today, I recieved a supportive letter from him. Understand, this is the same person who in class described how individuals in certain fish species change their sex (and gender?) in response to environmental factors. The school I attended is well known; it's not as if it did not have a top notch program.

I had plainy stated that I am transgender. My friend the professor equated this with sexuality. He noted that he had a good lesbian friend who sat next to him at university basketball games. There was no indication he got the true meaning of transgender, although he used my new, to him, feminine name.

I have no intention of correcting him. He is in his late 70s now. He was supportive and said 'this in no way affects my view of you as a good person and as an excellent former graduate student.' He complimented my character in several other areas. He also could not understand why my family would reject me. Overall, I was pleased by his letter.

I have been having a terrific time visiting Erica Ann and her spouse. As part of the ongoing birthday celebration, we spent several hours at Hunter's nightclub on Friday night. We were getting ready to leave at around 2 AM when I met this very handsome younger man who wanted to speak with me.

He and I wound up dancing very closely and intimately. I was in heaven! When I first visited Hunter's in February of last year, I had a great time dancing. Back then I wrote how that was the first time in my life I so effortlessly got into dancing, thanks to being my true self.

Last night's dancing was even better. I'd had two martini's several hours earlier but nothing other than ginger ale for the three hours prior to dancing. So I certainly wasn't depending on alcohol to reduce my inhibitions. I simply had very few, although I still felt very much in charge of what was happening.

Over the last several weeks I've spent considerable time researching how to handle the next phase of my job search. Today, I decided I will likely move to the Chicago area. It will take me about a month to make this all happen.

One big advantage of this is that I will be near my sister Erica Ann. Then there's the fact that I have always loved the Chicago area. I also think, overall, there are better and more career options for me in Chicago. I have the potential of going in any of several directions with my career and in that way I am fortunate.

I've also decided to be open to jobs that require up to 50% travel. Having O'Hare airport nearby is a huge advantage for this type of job.

I'll also look for part-time work as a church organist and try to get my photography business going.