The mystery of eunuchism

[Hash (imported)]

What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

[kennath7 (imported)]

I whish I knew as well

[Batman (imported)]

Speaking for myself (it's fantasy for me, not desire)..

All my life I've been fascinated with being turned into a female..not that I'm a real gender dysphoric, I don't feel like a woman trapped in a male body. I just fantasize about becoming female or feminized (breasts and the like). What if I woke up tomorrow with breasts and a vagina and could become pregnant?

I think eunuch is an off-shoot of that. What if I woke up without the little guys tomorrow..what would THAT feel like. After a month..a year..etc What would it be like to see and feel(?) my penis shrink over time. I don't have the penectomy fantasy that some do or desire..at least it's not losing willy and keeping the boys...I wonder about the nullo feeling..

WHY? The best reason I can tell for the female stuff, is because I think on some level it bothers me that I won't ever know what it truly feels like to be a fertile woman. By the same token, I won't ever get myself castrated (unless a health crisis dictates obviously)...so it is something I don't know and will never know what it feels like.

Batman

[nullorchis (imported)]

I think for each person there is a different story.

I think I know the ultimate underlying reason I have always desired to be physically castrated, although I went through various stages of "logical" justification.

First, after entering puberty I got kicked in the balls, as happens so often.

It wasn't an accident. Some mean bully did it "for fun" to pick on me.

Reason #1: Get rid of the damn balls and you will never suffer that kind of pain again.

Then, I developed horrible acne. Somewhere alone the way I "learned" that this was caused by masterbation. I beat off all the time when in puberty, 2,3,4 times a day. I never believed the "you will go blind" line of crap. Although my eyesight was, and is, so bad, I can't see anything clearly without my glasses.

Reason #2: Get rid of the damn balls and when you masterbate you won't get acne. (And maybe get better eye sight). Little did I know that castration would also eliminate masterbation.

Then, not far into puberty, probably because I was an ugly kid with thick glasses, buck teeth, and acne, I was shunned by all the girls and I began having sex with other boys. I was not the one to initiate this. A neighbor boy started it, but it was good, and one thing led to another. Thus, I "became" gay. Whether or not I was born gay, or just developed that way, I have no idea. Over time the thought of having straight sex was repulsive. But, being gay was a social no no. I loved gay sex, but I hated being gay.

Reason #3 for wanting to be castrated: Chop them off and I won't be gay anymore. There was no information available in those days about male sexuality, testicles, testosterone, hormones, etc. so I had no idea what the consequences would be from physical castration.

Time marches on. I'm still gay, and I have abused and tortured my testicles throughout my life. I love having them but I have a fixation about getting rid of them. I still want to be physically castrated I guess to be rid of them for once and for all; to kill my libido, to do what I wanted to do so very long ago and throughout my entire life.

I of course realize that this castration complex is out of the ordinary so I never talked about it with anyone, no way, no how. Which is why this place is such a wonderful outlet: to learn and to share, anonymously which is as much of a mental relief as ejaculation is a physical relief.

I do not want to get rid of my castration desires. I want to fulfill them.

I don't fear what biological changes will occur, I look forward to that.

My big fear is that when I finally do accomplish my lifelong goal will I feel fulfilled, relieved, accomplished and at ease. Like when you finally reached the end of the book, read the last page, there was nothing else to do but close the book and file it away, a job well done. But will I then feel like I need to move on to another book? Will something else develop that I must have. Castration is my only body modification desire. But once that has been accomplished will any deep seated and underlying psychological problems still be unfulfilled that might cause me to develop some new desire. I hope not.

I won't be able to face that fear until I finally reach the last chapter.

I do know I don't want to die until I finally do what I have always wanted to do; get castrated. Hard to say which will happen first.

But at least I am a castrate, so to speak. My T count is clinically low and my nuts are small, hard, and numb (because of years of abuse). So I feel as though I have half way accomplished my goal.

At least I don't hurt anyone else, by telling them, or by doing anything to them. I live a straight looking straight acting life. Once people learn I am gay they can't believe it. Little do they know I am also a eunuch wannabee. I want to keep my friends, so nobody who knows me will ever know of that desire.

That's my story, the whole story. Visiting this web site has actually helped me to think these things through and come to admit stuff I never actively thought of or would admit to myself (or to the message board). Earlier on when using the message board I wasn't completely honest; not to deceive, but I didn't want to be honest even to strangers. I suppose there may be more stuff hiding from me, and me from it, but I came out as much as I can this time.

What's your story?

[Hash (imported)]

Wow nullorchis, that's quite a story. I was battered by bullies in grade school and high school started out the same way, though I had a "Ralphie" like episode (The Christmas Story) that kept the bullies away and gave me more confidence. I think I started to have more castration fantasies after I was married, but my wife was not demeaning. She has never treated me like Oswald's wife (Kennedy assassin - read his life story). That's another reason why my castration desire is a mystery, though I think it might have something to do with a stress outlet. Still looking for answers. Hash

[nullorchis (imported)]

..............

I think I started to have more castration fantasies after I was married, .................



. Still looking for answers. Hash

There you go. You found your answer. You got married. That will surely do it. If you don't really crave and enjoy hetro-sex, gettin rid of the family jewels will solve that issue.



Elsewhere I have posted that perhaps our tiny tots are trying to escape and they are sending glandular messages to us in an attempt to help them get out.

Or it could be that they are suicidal but don't have the balls to kill themselves so they are trying to get us to help them do it.

[moi621 (imported)]

I wonder about the heterosexual man,

seeking surgery and wishing to remain

heterosexual.

Is it all about giving up ladies ? Or somewhat ?

[homptydumpty (imported)]

What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

Hash, this question was fresh on my mind tonight, low and behold you have a topic on it.

As i was showering after masturbating tonight i caught thought of what my body has become. Then i began to contemplate why i had done what i have done. Why did i have my testis removed?

The reasons are many. I wanted not to become more than i already was. The thought of being a gay man scared me. I am not that and never felt that i was. In a way i hope to stay forever young. At a young age i began attracting much older men, who would pursue me for sex. I liked the attention, yet as time passed i started to ponder why men had sought me for sex alone. one of the reasons i came up with was my genitals. so i thought to have them removed.

[Paolo]

Is anyone feeding this poor child yet?!?!

[OneBallBoi (imported)]

The majority of the reason that I sought castration was religious. Here I was Gay and I was a real Christian. Those two things are like opposites. So many Christians feel that homosexuality is a learned trait and can be changed. How wrong. Either you are Gay or you aren't. So somehow, I new I had to make my peace with God. And my way of making my peace with God was to become a Eunuch. I no longer have a sex drive. I am no wanting sex with anyone. The act of sexuality is like a foreign thing to me now. I am content and happy to love everyone. Psychologically, I am so much more at peace with others now. God is still #1 in my life. My life is so much more relaxed now.

[bobbie (imported)]

What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

You will never find a simple answer to this question. It has been asked many times before.

First the reason one person wants or needs castration is theirs and theirs alone. Many may have similar reasons but the exact reason each person is for them alone.

The most common of all reasons is that he does not feel that are in the right body, transsexuals.

For some it is just that they feel that their body is not right with testicles.

What makes one take the final step? Could be over coming fear of having it done. Know the reality of no turning back. Have thought it through and feel that it is right for them at that time in their life.

Making the choice is very hard for most. Many make the wrong choice for they are done for the wrong reasons. If you get sexual excited by the thoughts of being castrated you are more likely having a fantasy or fetish about castration. If you want to be castrated in a scene of any kind you are in a fantasy world. Keep it as a fantasy and never get done. Castration is a common turn on for a great many guys.

A good number of guys end up taking some type of hormone replacement therapy. They find that the side effects were more then expected. Some did not look at all the side effects of castration. Testosterone effects far more then just male sex drive.

[randy (imported)]

would anybody argue that it is a genetic thing? if you believe a male to female transgender person was controlled by a gene, why not a male to eunuch being controlled by a gene also?

http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthr ... ender+gene

[Paolo]

Randy, I do believe there is a genetic component.

I was raised in the Christian faith, in a little independent small town church.

Our minister was big on the line that, "God does NOT make junk. You are as you are for a reason."

Back then, I did not know what being gay was. But as I grew older and realized it, and saw the attitude of those around me, I learned to keep quiet about it. I don't ever recall homosexuality being addressed in the church, though. I left it when I was 18, though, and could see how things in life really worked and all the hyposcrisy there.

So if you believe that God formed Adam from the dust, would He not have arranged the 4 molecules (A-T-C-G, don't ask me to spell them!) in a certain order, then, to form DNA and thus Adam? And if the DNA drifted over time, was the DNA from the Hand of God defective? I think not. If He didn't like that, He would have fixed it.

I for one didn't wake up one day with a pubic hair going sideways and think, "Gee, I think I'll be gay today." Uhhh, no...

So if sexualities are genetically determined, then, aren't said sexualities the result of the DNA formed of the dust by God?

[FianceeUvBigGuy (imported)]

Yoli here,

For me, at least, there IS a certain mystic quality to castration and eunuchs, mostly related to:

The reason why one was castrated.

Whether or not it was done by choice.

The GENERAL attitude and behavior of the castrated male AFTER castration, especially if it is markedly different from pre-castration patterns.

The sexual attitude, behavior, and capacity of the castrated male compared to pre-castration patterns.

"Choice" may, as one might reasonably assume, mean that a male actually desires castration but it must be noted that sometimes one chooses castration in order to avoid some darker fate. For example(s); Friend and lover Barry, who opted for castration in order to lessen the likelihood of "crossing the line" with underage sexual partners; One of the Houston eunuchs of my acquaintance, whom I am almost certain was offered the "either...or..." by someone who might have killed him or reported some dire offense to the authorities.

In Barry's case, it was his mother who planted the seed and actually harangued him until he submitted to the surgery. That, I'll wager, is not a common occurrence. She began her campaign when he was still a teen and never let up until she actually watched as a doctor in Juarez Mexico performed the deed. IMHO, someone ought to shoot that hag.

The Thai ladyboy who has entered my sexual realm was castrated, by choice, at a very tender age in order to "commit" to being, if not a true female, at least of a third gender and definitely NOT a male. "She" has no desire to lose "her" penis, as she realizes that, despite the tales to the contrary, the number of persons who've undergone total SRS and who have truly satisfying sex (orgasms a requirement here) are few in number.

The other Houston eunuch was castrated by choice, or so he states. He claims it was "Something I wanted to do and I'm content with it.".

If Marlene's BF ever gives up his testicles it's a fair guess that it will be as an act of submission and commitment to Marlene. The problem with that is that they are very active sexually (I ought to know. I've seen them in action often enough.) and I wonder if, once his balls are taken off, they'll resort to HRT in order to carry on as before. Were I to wager, I'd bet in favor of his balls staying right where they are unless she marries him. If and when they are married, my money will be on some sort of ritual castration. I and some of the Koven will, no doubt, be guests thereat.

So, we have, just within that small group, dissimilar reasons for castrations actually performed and one that may or may not take place.

If desired, I'll address the remaining stuff at a later time. Right now, however, I need to crash cuz I'm just back from College Station where I cheered lustily as my beloved Sooners inflicted the worst beatdown that Texiz Aand/orM has ever suffered on their home field...66-28. Heehee! (Had the 66 points at the end of the 3rd Qtr!)

In '03, at OUR field, OU put the worst loss on Aand/orM they've ever endured...77-0 (Again, all points scored by the end of the 3rd Qtr!).

Is there alcohol in your little Yoli's system...Why, yes! And...I was captured by the TV cams.

Love to all, and to all a GOOD GRIEF! It's almost 3AM!

Yo...ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Kangan (imported)]

What makes a man seek castration? Why do some men follow through with it? What's inside the eunuch wannabee's mind that pushes him to get castrated? I've been self-analyzing myself to try to figure out why I had to become a eunuch. It is a mystery, can you help me solve it? Hash

For me it was pretty simple. I got into big trouble with my sexual conduct, and I didn't like what my hormones had done to me. I only wish that surgical castration had been a viable option back in the 1970's. I wanted it done right then, as atonement and as a preventative measure against future offenses, and had to settle for psychotherapy and a vasectomy.

The happiest moment of my life was when I saw both of my amputated testicles in Dr. Kimmel's gloved hand. I still feel that way. My only regret is that it took 34-years to achieve my goal.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

To me castration is transcendent; a move forward to another state of being. Having widely explored the state of being male I am ready to explore the new territory of being not male in most respects. I am one of those who takes hormone replacement (in small doses) not because I didn't understand the consequences, but because I did understand the consequences and I need to counter some of my existing defects. There may be a genetic element to this. I know that when exposed to castration many years ago as a reality rather than as an vague concept I went to it as an iron filing goes to a magnet. --FLO--

[nullorchis (imported)]

The majority of the reason that I sought castration was religious. Here I was Gay and I was a real Christian. Those two things are like opposites. So many Christians feel that homosexuality is a learned trait and can be changed. How wrong. Either you are Gay or you aren't. So somehow, I new I had to make my peace with God. And my way of making my peace with God was to become a Eunuch. I no longer have a sex drive. I am no wanting sex with anyone. The act of sexuality is like a foreign thing to me now. I am content and happy to love everyone. Psychologically, I am so much more at peace with others now. God is still #1 in my life. My life is so much more relaxed now.

OH MY GOSH ! Since I was not able to change my sexual orientation, I changed what I could.........I got rid of religion* and am a happy secular humanist. No guilt, no rules, no hang ups. Maybe if you had given a test drive to being non-religious you might have come to another conclusion. Couldn't hurt. At least if you break with religion, you can always go back (unlike with castration). Had you decided being free of religion was going to work you might still have your balls and have sired a number of offspring by now.

But even as I write this, it is apparent that religion per-se is not the reason one wants to be castrated. Even though I enjoy FREEDOM FROM RELIGION I still crave the cutting. So maybe it is better that you kept your religion. Whatever works, to each their own. NO RULES !!!

Nice thing about dumping religion, compared to castration, is that you can go back to religion if you want to. And believe me, after having seen the other side of the pasture, the grass is definitely greener (for me) now that I am religion-free. Much better than fat-free !

*PS: I was sent to church and Sunday school, but never really got into religion per se. I just sort of always thought of myself as Protestant (not Catholic) and with no particular branch of Protestant. However recent goings on by religious groups made me ponder my religious future. I did much research on religions, even Eastern Religions (not Islam or Muslum or that bunch). I came to the conclusion that The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, Santa Clause were suppose to be real, but they weren't, and then when they started talking about an invisible God and Jesus Christ and mystical powers.............well it was just too much smoke and mirrors for me, right up there with astrology and crystal balls.

Thus, Secular Humanism was the right fit for me. You can now think of me as being a Happy Religious Eunuch. !!!! I found my nitch. Works for me, and I get the biggest kick from people who are appaled and just don't understand. OF COURSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND. It's not their thing. Just as castration isn't their thing. One man's lunch is another man's trash.

[Milkman (imported)]

As I mentioned to "Z" once before, A Eunuch achieves "self mediated" gender. If He takes T he can remain male, switch to Estrogen and he can achieve female appearance and traits, or with no , or very low hormones, become asexual. In some ways I have always considered this liberating and a form of "post-reproductive sexuality"

[mrt (imported)]

Speaking for myself (it's fantasy for me, not desire)..

All my life I've been fascinated with being turned into a female..not that I'm a real gender dysphoric, I don't feel like a woman trapped in a male body. I just fantasize about becoming female or feminized (breasts and the like). What if I woke up tomorrow with breasts and a vagina and could become pregnant?

I think eunuch is an off-shoot of that. What if I woke up without the little guys tomorrow..what would THAT feel like. After a month..a year..etc What would it be like to see and feel(?) my penis shrink over time. I don't have the penectomy fantasy that some do or desire..at least it's not losing willy and keeping the boys...I wonder about the nullo feeling..

WHY? The best reason I can tell for the female stuff, is because I think on some level it bothers me that I won't ever know what it truly feels like to be a fertile woman. By the same token, I won't ever get myself castrated (unless a health crisis dictates obviously)...so it is something I don't know and will never know what it feels like.

Batman

I'll clue you in. Its not that big a deal. If I forgo HRT I'm sure it would very different but just being "snipped" was a short amount of temporary post op surgical pain and for me a lot less chronic testicular pain. Day to day walking, talking? I don't notice a thing. Sex etc? Seems to be exactly the same with the possible exception that my refactory period seems to be gone or at least different. Its hard to get "Blue Balls" when they are in a medical incinerator. My Pseudo Balls are a hell of a lot larger so thats a change (for the better!!!) and they don't hurt (A HUGE change for the better!!!!) but they also don't feel unnatural or alien as I was led to suspect.

I really feel little to no changes and seriously suggest to anyone who dreams that this will be an amazing transformation to take up a new fantasy. Maybe playing Twister covered in oil with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?

And P.S. being neutered does not = penile shrinkage.

[Geraden (imported)]

Those two things are like opposites.

I'm sorry that you feel that. The 19th century's effects on religion really betrayed you.

God is still #1 in my life. My life is so much more relaxed now.

Well, that's good, at least.

words

Or, dropping the excluded middle fallacy, you could have found Christians who didn't think that homosexuality was the opposite of Christianity.

[mylilsecret (imported)]

Yoli here,

For me, at least, there IS a certain mystic quality to castration and eunuchs, mostly related to:

If Marlene's BF ever gives up his testicles it's a fair guess that it will be as an act of submission and commitment to Marlene.

This sums up my interest in castration. As a submissive male it would be the ultimate to offer my testicles to the Woman i loved and cherished. It is something i've fantasized about since i was a teenager and it strikes at the heart of being submissive. What a thrill it is to imagine being ball-less and having a Goddess control my testosterone levels by deciding when i am allowed to receive testostorne hormone replacement. It also goes along with my interest in being in a cuckold relationship.

While i've researched all the side effects and safety concerns for years, what keeps me from carrying it out is a partner who is willing to take it from fantasy to reality. i've also come to understand that the thrill of being castrated is fueled by my sex drive and testosterone hormone treatment might not bring the "excitement of being a eunuch" to the same level.

i know this is just my own personal account and not typical of others and no one's story is the same or is one better or worse than anyone elses.

[mrt (imported)]

Yoli here,

The Thai ladyboy who has entered my sexual realm was castrated, by choice, at a very tender age in order to "commit" to being, if not a true female, at least of a third gender and definitely NOT a male. "She" has no desire to lose "her" penis, as she realizes that, despite the tales to the contrary, the number of persons who've undergone total SRS and who have truly satisfying sex (orgasms a requirement here) are few in number.

The other Houston eunuch was castrated by choice, or so he states. He claims it was "Something I wanted to do and I'm content with it.".

If Marlene's BF ever gives up his testicles it's a fair guess that it will be as an act of submission and commitment to Marlene. The problem with that is that they are very active sexually (I ought to know. I've seen them in action often enough.) and I wonder if, once his balls are taken off, they'll resort to HRT in order to carry on as before. Were I to wager, I'd bet in favor of his balls staying right where they are unless she marries him. If and when they are married, my money will be on some sort of ritual castration. I and some of the Koven will, no doubt, be guests thereat.

On both comments I wanted to inject my 2 cents.

Some TS m2F people do report problems reaching orgasm. Many natal women have problems reaching the big "O" and almost all would agree its trying to expect vaginal intercourse to cause it when that rarely if ever does the trick without lots of attention to the clitoris. On both the TS people and your sexually active (intact) friend who may some day join our club hormones and in particular Testosterone is the fuel that makes men crave sex. For M2F transexuals most are focused on getting rid of their testicles (for obvious reasons) and do whatever they can to shut off as much Testosterone as they can. What they don't understand (in my opinion) is that there is a normal level of Testosterone in natal women thats needed for things like sex drive and they should be taking a mix of hormones and NOT just estrogen post GRS to have a more accurate female mix. For men who have had an orchiectomy they need to get to the right levels of Testosterone and keep an eye on other hormones to have a nice normal "male" like life. Its NOT just one dose fits all.

Trust me...

Once you do however your friend and his girlfriend / wife should be happily humping on a daily basis and the best part is NO BLUE BALLS! and (I think) little to no refactory period so "he" will have one of the perks women have had an exclusive on. Anyway ask Berry if thats his experience and YES his mother should be slowly roasted over a fire.

[Lesley (imported)]

The reasons are many. I wanted not to become more than i already was. The thought of being a gay man scared me. I am not that and never felt that i was. In a way i hope to stay forever young. At a young age i began attracting much older men, who would pursue me for sex. I liked the attention, yet as time passed i started to ponder why men had sought me for sex alone. one of the reasons i came up with was my genitals. so i thought to have them removed.

Homptydumpty,

Does this mean that you were looking to get rid of a problem, rather than modifing your body to suit your soul?

[aLie2Live (imported)]

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post. I became one officially less than a week ago. I'm a pre-op transsexual and was advised by my doctors to have it done to reduce the risks of the high dose hormone and anti-androgen drugs I was taking. I'm still sore and browsing this forum and wondering what its going to be like in a month or a year. Anyway, thats why I became this way.

[curious1 (imported)]

I think like there are many variables involved in why a man would seek castration. I know for me, I feel I would be complete after castration. I seek the calm, asexual life of a eunuch. However that is just me, the reasons are as vast as there are members to this site.