Hello and Thank You

[moth9000 (imported)]

I want to say hello and express my sincerest thanks to the EA community and this website for the information presented here, and from all I have read so far, for the generous and supportive respect participants contribute.

I'd also like to add my account of how I came to be here. Eleven years ago I was diagnosed with lymphoma and treated with chemotherapy and radiation, which had some profound side effects: I was left with little or no sex drive, an inability to achieve full erection and thus and inability to orgasm; I've been on TRT since then. Afterward, even on T, my sexual response was not the same. I didn't desire sex; tactile stimulation didn't work as well as it once had; and i pretty much had to watch porn for along time to build up any momentum at all. However, even on T, that much has diminished.

Mostly, I've come to terms with all of this. I feel blessed to be alive. I now work as a counselor with homeless people living with mental illness and/or addiction. And i wouldn't have gone back to school to get the training to do this kind of work if i didn't feel that I wanted/needed to give back something for all that I've been given.

Then again, I won't deny that I have times when I get sad, angry, depressed or anxious about my sexual dysfunction. I also feel disconnected from a sexually charged world, an outsider looking in not really feeling that I have a place in the world around me. Mostly, I try to ignore it and just do my work, which is so amazingly rewarding--both emotionally and spiritually. But I also feel empty and isolated.

That is until I found this website. Castration to me had always seemed a fearful but fascinating kind of primordial fantasy, not one I had put a lot of energy into. As I explored the site, I justified my interest as an effort to gather knowledge to broaden my understanding and empathy to make me a better counselor should I ever meet someone on this path.

The more I read, however, the more I realized the descriptions of chemical castration are not that different from what I have been living for the past ten years. No, it wasn't done through the use of Depo Provera, Androcur or any of the other drugs suggested here to achieve this end, but the result seems to me to have been pretty much the same.

Last Sunday I was able to say to myself for the first time that I am a chemically castrated man; that's not easy to say or think. At the same time, I feel lightened, liberated. I can say i know who I am. It's like coming out for the second time. Now I can begin to worry less about not fitting in with a population--gay or straight--I can't identify with.

At the same time, I hope with all sincerity, that I can find acceptance here, because I certainly feel kinship with the thoughts and feelings of the individuals who contribute to this forum.

So again, thank you all for being here, and I hope you will feel comfortable enough with me to say hello and perhaps offer friendship because I'm tired of feeling alone. How's that for honesty?

[bobbie (imported)]

You are most welcome to our group. You are not alone in being in the same condition as you are in as a result of a medical or physical injury. You will find some of the most friendly and caring people in here. This is a great support group. You will talk to people that are experiencing the same things that your are going through. Many are by choice but some are not by choice.

Fell free to ask questions. You are most welcome in our very strange but helpful family.

[moth9000 (imported)]

Ii Bobbie: thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm looking forward to getting to know people. I gotta say that since I decided to "come out" and post here I've been a happier person. I find myself smiling more. People will begin to notice, haha.

I do have some questions. What is MoM? I've also read about social events. How would i find out more about both? Or reach out to people in N CA where I'm located?

Thanks again, Moth9000

[tugon (imported)]

Ii Bobbie: thank you, that means a lot to me. I'm looking forward to getting to know people. I gotta say that since I decided to "come out" and post here I've been a happier person. I find myself smiling more. People will begin to notice, haha.

I do have some questions. What is MoM? I've also read about social events. How would i find out more about both? Or reach out to people in N CA where I'm located?

Thanks again, Moth9000

Welcome Moth9000 to the EA family. If you are smiling now after attending a MoM you may not be able to stop smiling. A MoM is a Meeting of Members of the EA. I have attended two and both have been wonderful. Can you imagine being with a good group of people who do not judge and understand. They are held in different parts of the country. Recently there was one in So Cal. All the information as new ones are planned will be posted on the EA message boards. Hope to meet you at one.

[ramses (imported)]

Welcome, Moth9000. This is a really unique and carfing group. We have some interesting and sometimes heated discussions here sometimes due to the fact we have many passionate personalities from a broad spectrum of backgrounds. In the end though, we are all friends and all benfit from the freeflow of information as long as you have an open mind.

Again, welcome to the EA!!!

[JesusA]

I do have some questions. What is MoM? I've also read about social events. How would i find out more about both? Or reach out to people in N CA where I'm located?

We haven't had a MoM yet in Northern California and we're long overdue for one. We've had one in Portland, Oregon, one in San Diego, and a couple in the Inland Empire area. It's time to start planning something in the Bay Area for the spring. Maybe Jemagirl, Sag111, Randy, Chilliwilli, and I and some of the others in the region need to start working on one.

[sduyck_2000 (imported)]

i have been on hrt for a long time 15 years

about 10 years back ..the came out with androgel..my srotum patches were discontinued at that time

i noticed a difference almost immediatly

the lack of sexual desire that the patches gave me

the bad thing about the patches ..they didn't stay stuck on hot sweaty days

androgel was nice as i just rub it into my shoulders

as my wife approached 50 she became more demanding of sex..for 2 weeks of every month...she wanted it everyday

I looked online and found a much cheaper alternative to the androgel

andromen forte ...it is available in australia..not the usa except by mail order..it is a cream applied to the scrotum..what a differance..after much reading ..dht is created thru the scrotum skin..dht must be the key to desire

[moth9000 (imported)]

Thank you Jesus for the info, and hello neighbor. Do you think the others you mentioned would mind if i sent a personal hello? I'd much enjoy the opportunity to meet and greet people at a local MoM.

[moth9000 (imported)]

Welcome Moth9000 to the EA family. If you are smiling now after attending a MoM you may not be able to stop smiling. A MoM is a Meeting of Members of the EA. I have attended two and both have been wonderful. Can you imagine being with a good group of people who do not judge and understand. They are held in different parts of the country. Recently there was one in So Cal. All the information as new ones are planned will be posted on the EA message boards. Hope to meet you at one.

Thanks Tugon. I'll try hard to make the next MoM where ever it happens to be.

[moth9000 (imported)]

i have been on hrt for a long time 15 years

about 10 years back ..the came out with androgel..my srotum patches were discontinued at that time

i noticed a difference almost immediatly

the lack of sexual desire that the patches gave me

the bad thing about the patches ..they didn't stay stuck on hot sweaty days

androgel was nice as i just rub it into my shoulders

as my wife approached 50 she became more demanding of sex..for 2 weeks of every month...she wanted it everyday

I looked online and found a much cheaper alternative to the androgel

andromen forte ...it is available in australia..not the usa except by mail order..it is a cream applied to the scrotum..what a differance..after much reading ..dht is created thru the scrotum skin..dht must be the key to desire

In the first year after recovering from the treatment for C, my MD tried me on shots, but I had pains in my liver and they were stopped. Since then i've been prescribed Androderm patches, which didn't do anything, and Androgel, which didn't do a lot. I'm to the point where I don't know that i care anymore and may just go without, which i've done before. But I'll consider and check out the product you mentioned above and think about it--Thanks.

[moth9000 (imported)]

Welcome, Moth9000. This is a really unique and carfing group. We have some interesting and sometimes heated discussions here sometimes due to the fact we have many passionate personalities from a broad spectrum of backgrounds. In the end though, we are all friends and all benfit from the freeflow of information as long as you have an open mind.

Again, welcome to the EA!!!

Thanks for your kind words and your efforts to make me feel welcome. I appreciate it very much.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi moth9000,

Welcome to one of the most friendly, supportive and accepting place on the Internet. You won't come across and better group of people anywhere!

[mrt (imported)]

In the first year after recovering from the treatment for C, my MD tried me on shots, but I had pains in my liver and they were stopped. Since then i've been prescribed Androderm patches, which didn't do anything, and Androgel, which didn't do a lot. I'm to the point where I don't know that i care anymore and may just go without, which i've done before. But I'll consider and check out the product you mentioned above and think about it--Thanks.

I found that some doctors don't bother to "adjust" the dose and this can cause any form of HRT to be pretty poor to worthless. Are they doing labs of more then just your Testosterone? Are they asking you how its working? Have they every tried to up the dose to see if it helps? With Androgel I went through a number of dose changes before it was right.

I also had to "mow" down all the hair on my Belly and arms to get it to work right and RUB it in. Slathering it on like doing a cake just doesn't work worth a damn. Rub like your doing a massage.

[moth9000 (imported)]

I'd always been pretty reluctant to talk about this, even with my long term MD, which is not to say that I didn't bring it up. T levels were taken and he prescribed dosage. Perhaps I should have been more proactive in my needs, but this is a subject which was hard for me. Now my old MD, whom I had great rapport with has moved on and my new MD, through my HMO, seems arrogant and presuming and I'm not sure how comfortable I feel disclosing anything to him. I've got some decisions to make involving medical care, talking about my sex drive or lack there of with this new guy increases my anxiety levels. I will come to terms with this and am working on it.

[Losethem (imported)]

I'd always been pretty reluctant to talk about this, even with my long term MD, which is not to say that I didn't bring it up. T levels were taken and he prescribed dosage. Perhaps I should have been more proactive in my needs, but this is a subject which was hard for me. Now my old MD, whom I had great rapport with has moved on and my new MD, through my HMO, seems arrogant and presuming and I'm not sure how comfortable I feel disclosing anything to him. I've got some decisions to make involving medical care, talking about my sex drive or lack there of with this new guy increases my anxiety levels. I will come to terms with this and am working on it.

If you're uncomfortable with this new guy, go find a new doctor.

However, if the doctor is competent and you're simply nervous about talking to him, then you need to stop that and talk to them. Doctors have heard it all.

I've "fired" two doctors in my life. One because he was borderline refusing to treat me for an easily treatable condition for no other reason than I'm gay, and the other because he was trying to solve a plumbing issue when my actual issue was body chemistry.

If your doctor is incompetent, then you need to find a new one. Otherwise, start talking. They can't help you if they do not know your issues.

As for a MoM attendance by me... I'd be reluctant if I felt that people would be invited that were there to do nothing more than gawk and try to find a way to sneak a peek at what isn't between my legs.

[kristoff]

As for a MoM attendance by me... I'd be reluctant if I felt that people would be invited that were there to do nothing more than gawk and try to find a way to sneak a peek at what isn't between my legs.

Each of the several MoM's I have attended have had only board members and an occasional supportive spouse, they were totally non-judgmental, loads of fun, and there were no inspections that I was ever aware of.

[moth9000 (imported)]

If you're uncomfortable with this new guy, go find a new doctor.

However, if the doctor is competent and you're simply nervous about talking to him, then you need to stop that and talk to them. Doctors have heard it all.

I've "fired" two doctors in my life. One because he was borderline refusing to treat me for an easily treatable condition for no other reason than I'm gay, and the other because he was trying to solve a plumbing issue when my actual issue was body chemistry.

If your doctor is incompetent, then you need to find a new one. Otherwise, start talking. They can't help you if they do not know your issues.

As for a MoM attendance by me... I'd be reluctant if I felt that people would be invited that were there to do nothing more than gawk and try to find a way to sneak a peek at what isn't between my legs.

I am thinking about looking for another MD, but you're right in suggesting I need to speak up for myself.

I was, however, uncomfortable about the MoM attendance comment if it was directed at me. I hope to be able to get to know others who have dealt with similar issues and know somewhat where I'm coming from. Even If I wasn't personally cut, I certainly am dealing with some of the same emotional and physical side effects I've read that others in this community have been dealing with.

But I don't want to play show and tell with anyone, nor am I interested in having sex with anyone; I don't have sex with anyone.

I sincerely hope to be able to make personal, emotioal connections--friends--with others here. I care about what helps to empower people; I try to offer emotional support where I can. I try to be a loyal and empathic person. I try very hard not to say things or do things that cause others pain. The few things i've said to people, were said with these intents. If I think I have said or done something that might hurt someone, it tears me apart, and I apologize. If I've offended you or anyone else, I apologize. Please talk to me if you or anyone has concerns about me.

If anything, I want/hope to be supportive and hope that others will want to be supportive of me. That is why I'm reaching out to people here.

[mrt (imported)]

I'd always been pretty reluctant to talk about this, even with my long term MD, which is not to say that I didn't bring it up. T levels were taken and he prescribed dosage. Perhaps I should have been more proactive in my needs, but this is a subject which was hard for me. Now my old MD, whom I had great rapport with has moved on and my new MD, through my HMO, seems arrogant and presuming and I'm not sure how comfortable I feel disclosing anything to him. I've got some decisions to make involving medical care, talking about my sex drive or lack there of with this new guy increases my anxiety levels. I will come to terms with this and am working on it.

I think you will find that any good doctor will take everything you say in stride. Trust me they have seen and heard it all and part of the credo of being a doctor is to be "cool" and help the patient - period. If you have no testicles he/she may well ask what happened but its in the context of knowing if you have a history of say testicular cancer and being aware that it might have the potential to cause future issues. NOT just because they want to know so they can go AH HA!

And "if" you do find some sort of idiot that is all wigged out its an easy matter to get up, leave and find a REAL doctor.

As to how to work with one. Always remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease and when it comes to hormone replacement you need to be proactive and not just sit there feeling miserable. Labs are only a "tool" they are not exact and the Doctor should not rely on them 100% to do his dosage. If you feel "right" at a low dose? Fine. But some men need to be in the upper range to have the right kind of "male" feelings.