Interesting day

transward (imported) · Sat Jul 23, 2011 5:22 pm

Interesting day yesterday. I run a small nonprofit doing food for several housing for homeless facilities, one of them for the local Catholic Community Services' drug and alcohol program. Been a tough month, fighting with IRS over back business taxes, emergency expenses, etc, etc (insert classic BMW [Bitch, Moan, Whine] here,) Ended up having to take out a personal payday loan to fund business til the 1st of the month. Upshot was I was so depressed I could look up to a ladybug 's elbow and was bitterly berating myself for utter incompetence as a businesswoman, to the point of considering a 12 gauge diet.

Pulling into the payday place's parking lot I saw a back pack with sleeping bag on top leaning against a light pole, and a homeless guy back in the bushes peeing. Parking I saw him walking up to my company van. Rough looking character, lots of facial hair several layers of clothes. Figured he was going to panhandle me so dug through my purse for my last 50 cents. As he walked up I opened the door. He said, "They still haven't got you a new van yet. " Recognized him immediately. He had been a resident at the drug and alcohol program for a couple of years, where he had spent a lot of time in line in the dining room talking to me about his life. Short hot tempered Italian. Eventually got thrown out of the program for getting into fist fights over a very beautiful Somali girl whose favorite pastime was getting drunk and provoking men into fighting over her.

He told me how much he missed my cooking and how much talking to me had meant. Said he thought I might hav been the only sane person in the building. And he refused my 50 cents, picked up his pack and walked off.

After 15 years feeding the homeless I may well end starving under a bridge one of these days (the old guy upstairs has a nasty sense of humor), but some days it is worth it.

Then as I arrived at work they were hauling one of my favorite residents off in a body bag. Heart attact after a lifetime love affair with Jack and Jim (Daniels and Beam) These guys are hard on themselves.

Transward

transward (imported) · Sat Jul 23, 2011 5:32 pm

transward (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 23, 2011 5:22 pm Interesting day yesterday. I run a small nonprofit doing food for several housing for homeless facilities, one of them for the local Catholic Community Services' drug and alcohol program. Been a tough month, fighting with IRS over back business taxes, emergency expenses, etc, etc (insert classic BMW [Bitch, Moan, Whine] here,) Ended up having to take out a personal payday loan to fund business til the 1st of the month. Upshot was I was so depressed I could look up to a ladybug 's elbow and was bitterly berating myself for utter incompetence as a businesswoman, to the point of considering a 12 gauge diet.

Pulling into the payday place's parking lot I saw a back pack with sleeping bag on top leaning against a light pole, and a homeless guy back in the bushes peeing. Parking I saw him walking up to my company van. Rough looking character, lots of facial hair several layers of clothes. Figured he was going to panhandle me so dug through my purse for my last 50 cents. As he walked up I opened the door. He said, "They still haven't got you a new van yet. " Recognized him immediately. He had been a resident at the drug and alcohol program for a couple of years, where he had spent a lot of time in line in the dining room talking to me about his life. Short hot tempered Italian. Eventually got thrown out of the program for getting into fist fights over a very beautiful Somali girl whose favorite pastime was getting drunk and provoking men into fighting over her.

He told me how much he missed my cooking and how much talking to me had meant. Said he thought I might hav been the only sane person in the building. And he refused my 50 cents, picked up his pack and walked off.

After 15 years feeding the homeless I may well end starving under a bridge one of these days (the old guy upstairs has a nasty sense of humor), but some days it is worth it.

Then as I arrived at work they were hauling one of my favorite residents off in a body bag. Heart attact after a lifetime love affair with Jack and Jim (Daniels and Beam) These guys are hard on themselves.

Transward

Caith721 (imported) · Post by **Caith721 (imported)** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:31 pm

transward (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 23, 2011 5:22 pm After 15 years feeding the homeless I may well end starving under a bridge one of these days (the old guy upstairs has a nasty sense of humor), but some days it is worth it.

Yeah, the big guy/gal upstairs has a wicked sense of humor. But he/she also greatly recognizes acts of kindness. One act of kindness far outweighs many, many bad things. I think you'll never have to worry about going to the bad place. You're doing a LOT of kindness, and that's a rare thing these days.

janekane (imported) · Post by **janekane (imported)** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 9:44 pm

For myself (I do not write or speak for other people), a sequence of events that might lead me to glance at the "12 gauge diet" menu is a sequence which invites me to re-evaluate my most basic beliefs.

Once on a time, I did an experiment. I tried attributing situational factors (factors outside my actual locus of control) to my disposition, by assigning some situational factors within my locus of control. My life went "THUD," and went flatter than a monolayer of luminiferous aether.

My tentative conclusion? Assigning situational factors to my disposition may be a blunder I wisely learn to avoid.

How can I learn that? By doing it as many stupidly-ridiculous times as it takes.

butterflyjack (imported) · Sat Jul 23, 2011 10:22 pm

Well, Transward, if there's a heaven, you're going sweety...Although I think you deserve a little more heaven here on earth...You're beautiful smooches Jackie

Paolo · Post by **Paolo** » Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:24 pm

Strange.

Merged threads.

transward (imported) · Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:35 am

Sorry for the duplicate threads. When I posted it around 1:30 AM my internet connection was buggy, losing connection for from 30 seconds to a minute or two. When I hit the submit button, the software churned for a while and then popped up a "404 Not Found" screen. When the lights on the cable modem came back up, I hit the back button and the submit again. It zipped through in a second. Then went to bed. This morning I found I had posted it twice. Again sorry.

Transward

Danya (imported) · Post by **Danya (imported)** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 3:06 am

You have my utmost respect and admiration for the good work you do and for the woman you are. There are so many people in need and, it seems these days, far too few resources available for them.

janekane (imported) · Post by **janekane (imported)** » Sun Jul 24, 2011 4:50 am

Sometimes, I wonder whether the choice is between: caring, being damaged for caring, and knowing it; and not caring, being damaged for not caring, and not knowing it.

.....

I once wrote a few words, which were something like:

Covering up your feelings is like putting a bandage on a bad sliver.

Though you can no longer see it, it is still there.

It will continue to hurt.

Covering up your feelings may feel better right now,

Yet your whole life will be more painful.

.....

And, once on a time, I heard a young boy ask his mother:

"Why does dad hate me so much?"

His mother answered:

"He doesn't hate you. What he does is the only way he knows to tell you how much he really loves you."

.....

I have known people who do not wait for the fire next time.

They walk into the fire now.

For that, I am profoundly grateful. How else could I be here?

transward (imported) · Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:42 am

I haven't decided whether to believe in the Old Guy Upstairs or not, but I think I believe in miracles.

Tonight I was getting off after an 11 hour day on my feet, had locked the kitchen and was on my way out . I was leaning on the front desk chatting with the desk clerks, friends of mine, when the Drunk Van drove up. ( It usually makes several deliveries a day to our place) Seattle is throwing the Capitol Hill Block Party about 5 blocks up the street from us this weekend. They block off a bunch of streets, bring in a bunch of bands and party all weekend. About 50,000 people usually show up and its pretty rowdy, so we were getting more than usual number of deliveries from the Drunk Van. I watched them unload one of our finest residents, and two of them were helping him into the building where we had a wheelchair waiting. The guy protests he doesn't need any help, pulls away from his helpers and dives head first through a 5x9 plate glass window. I see his head protrude through the window, then as he folded up his head jerked back outside, and there is the sound of large quantities of glass shattering and glass explodes all over the place. The guy staggers up comes through the door and plows headfirst into a table next to the door, falling into a pile of plate glass shards. I saw it happen as if in slow motion. I saw his head through the glass window. I have no idea how he didn't at least slit his throat if not cut off his head. It looked like that kind of accident. They called an ambulance, which came examined him and hauled him off. He had a few minor cuts on his forehead, probably less than a dozen stitches worth. I have no idea how he is still alive.

Transward

curious_guy (imported) · Mon Jul 25, 2011 3:29 pm

Was it plate glass which shatters into large sharp pieces or tempered glass which shatters into little (not so sharp) chunks?

Milkman (imported) · Post by **Milkman (imported)** » Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:18 pm

As someone in recovery , I really appreciate this thread. Fortunately these problems arrived after I had established an academic career and was able to go back to my old job once I cleaned up, but for 4 years I lived a drunken nightmare.... DWI's, financial mess, and the loss of respect of family and friends.... I never was in a shelter, but ended my financial independence from my addictions... I am a believer and feel delivered from my self created foolishness....

janekane (imported) · Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:50 pm

How does one solve, mathematically or otherwise, an infinite regression? I have done many things which might be regarded as of self-created foolishness.

However, how is self-created foolishness itself created -- or, what is the source of self and what is the source of self-created foolishness?

What if self-created foolishness is anything but itself foolish?

After my wife and I were married, and learned that our marriage might last a while, we pondered the question of children. We had heard that there were children who needed a home, and developed a relationship with an adoption agency who was searching for a home for a particular child. We became foster parents and then adoptive parents.

It was said that our son's biological parents were "alcoholic." Our son's conduct was characteristic of a child born into an alcoholic parent household. Our son was hard on himself, sometimes brutally, cruelly hard on himself. And he worked away at teaching my wife and me to be hard on ourselves, the better for our son to accept his being hard on himself. My wife and I respectfully declined his offer.

There were times we talked with police. Times our son objected to being in an orange jump suit because of psychiatric hospitalization suicide and elopement precautions. DUI and we did an illegal repo of his car.

One day, our son remarked to my wife and me, "You were the only real parents I ever had." He had, by every test I could devise, learned to stop being hard on himself. A few weeks later, he was driving his wife to work. He was driving well below the speed limit. It was winter. The highway had not been treated to prevent black ice, and there was black ice, a big truck, and our son's wife's car was defectively welded at the factory where it had been made. A comparatively low speed collision resulted in the defective welds resulting in our son's wife's car exploding. In the explosion and its immediate aftermath, our son and his wife were killed. Life can be hard on people.

Might it be an error of attribution to assign responsibility for hard aspects of life to the persons whose life journey includes encounters with hard aspects of life?

What on earth is "foolishness"? Would it not be really foolish to not be foolish? Who could ever know, understand, or learn enough to be else than a fool? For myself, I doubt that anything better than being foolish is achievable.

transward (imported) · Tue Jul 26, 2011 2:05 am

curious_guy (imported) wrote: Mon Jul 25, 2011 3:29 pm Was it plate glass which shatters into large sharp pieces or tempered glass which shatters into little (not so sharp) chunks?

Definitly plate glass. Shards were like razors. Got several small cuts trying to clean up.

Transward

transward (imported) · Sat Jul 30, 2011 1:49 pm

I understand the reasons why alcoholics are not high on the transplant list when livers become available. That being said, it is hard to watch someone you have come to like, sitting motionless in a wheelchair, staring out the window with that "beyond the horizon look" , when you can almost see him thinking. About his declining health, his hopes for a new liver and the knowledge that his place on the list will probably ensure that he doesn't get one.

Transward

transward (imported) · Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:46 am

Given I cook for the alcohol and drug program, it is nonetheless amusing to listen to a very vehement rant on the evils of eating pork from a good Muslim, who was highly intoxicated on alcohol, also forbidden him by the Koran. Logs and splinters in people's eyes I guess.

Transward

JesusA · Post by **JesusA** » Mon Aug 01, 2011 10:26 am

transward (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 01, 2011 7:46 am Given I cook for the alcohol and drug program, it is nonetheless amusing to listen to a very vehement rant on the evils of eating pork from a good Muslim, who was highly intoxicated on alcohol, also forbidden him by the Koran.

Before I retired from teaching, my wife and I lived very near the campus. Every year we invited a flock of strays for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. One memorable year, one of the guests was a devout Moslem, who immediately declared on arrival that, since Thanksgiving was the quintessential American holiday, he planned to behave like an American. He spent the entire evening concentrating on the ham and the wine.

Another of the guests was a devout vegetarian, who promptly declared that turkeys are dumb enough to be considered a vegetable. He behaved as if they are....

transward (imported) · Mon Oct 03, 2011 4:31 pm

Tonights dinner might have been the most bizarre meal in the 14 years I have been cooking for the alcohol & drug program. Several times a year a local rich private high school volunteers to provide dinner to my charges. It's part of a rich kids meet the homeless program, and it saves me from having to cook, and the kids are cute as kittens. I should explain that while all my customers are "in treatment," this is not a dry house and the residents can and do indulge. Also, most of them get some sort of government checks at the beginning of the month. The end of the month, everyone is too broke to buy drugs or alcohol, but come the first of the month, a good portion of my clients go on a liquid, or smoked or injected diet, so thing tend to get a bit hairy come the first week of the month. I was a bit worried about the kids showing up in the middle of all that. My worries were totally justified.

Kids were all set up ready to serve some burritos; We rolled up the curtain. I was on the customer side of the line putting out the condiments for the burritos. I reached for the sour cream, said "Excuse me, Fred." Fred said, "I'll be alright." I glanced at him; he was shaking like an aspen. He suddenly went rigid, and started convulsing, going into an alcoholic seizure. I caught him, (amazing since he outweighs me by a hundred pounds) and with another's help we got him down onto the floor, though he tossed me about five feet in a convulsion. He was chomping away and spitting out much blood. On the floor it was obvious he was drowning and we had to get him onto his side to drain the blood from biting his tongue. He stopped breathing for a minute. Fortunately the Medics arrived before we could start to breathe him. They laid him out and began to work on him. All the while six feet away, all the residents are going through the food line, flirting shamelessly with the high school girls. Some of the people were cheer leading. "Come on Fred, Wake Up." The medic told them quietly that he couldn't hear them. A half hour later another Medic crew shows up with cardiac equipment, hook him up and run a field EKG on him. They are putting in multiple IV lines, injecting drugs, all the while everyone is eating and laughing. They eventually got him stabilized and on a stretcher, but just as they got him out of the building he arrested again. The last I saw he was being loaded into the Medic One Van while they were administering CPR. They sat there for a while, when a full size fire truck pulled up and they had two Medic Vans and a fire truck all working on one man. And Fred is one of my favorite people in the whole building.

Around here the surreal is the everyday reality.

transward

transward (imported) · Tue Oct 04, 2011 10:42 am

At noon today they turned off the life support. RIP Fred. Whatever demons tormented you, you were a great bear of a man with a heart more precious than gold. It was an honor to have known you.

Transward

transward (imported) · Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:24 am

Damn, damn, death is working overtime. Yesterday we lost a volunteer at one of our facilities. He was severely disabled with cerebral palsy but volunteered every day with the homeless. He would collect day old pastries from local Starbucks and deliver them. Did bookkeeping for the charity wood toy workshop associated with us. Greatly loved by staff and residents. He was run down and hit in his motorized wheelchair by a drunk hit and run driver. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/l ... un05m.html

When he received an award in 1995 for helping men at a Seattle shelter, Douglas Lefever said he tried not to let his cerebral palsy and wheelchair hold him back.

"I have two choices," he told The Times shortly after receiving the Hunthausen Award from Catholic Community Services. "I could stay home and be bitter and think 'poor handicapped me, wah wah,' or go out and help people and think positively."

Lefever was in his motorized wheelchair early Sunday when Seattle police say he was struck by a hit-and-run driver near the Magnolia Bridge. Lefever, 57, later died of his injuries at Harborview Medical Center.

A man with a history of drunken driving is expected to be charged Wednesday in King County Superior Court in connection with the crash, according to Dan Donohoe, spokesman for the King County Prosecutor's

. . . Arnbrecht, in a letter with details about her brother, said he was born with cerebral palsy. Lefever graduated from the University of Colorado with a major in business, and later obtained a master's degree in psychology.

Lefever lived in Seattle for the past 26 years, Arnbrecht wrote.

During that time he was active in city transportation issues, especially when it came to making sure city streets were wheelchair-accessible. Lefever volunteered at a number of charities and in 1995 received the Hunthausen Award for helping homeless or formerly homeless men at St. Martin's on Westlake shelter.

Lefever also donated accounting services to The Giving Tree, a shop within St. Martin's where residents build wooden toys and furniture.

"I love to help people grow," Lefever told The Times in 1995.

Transward

transward (imported) · Sat Oct 29, 2011 5:10 pm

The IRS is trying to shut down my small feeding program.. This despite an payment agreement I though I was fulfilling. There is no way to get anyone at the main IRS number. It's leave a number and we will get back to you in forty-eight hours. (they haven't) I am a perfect example of Peter's Principle, having risen to my level of incompetence. Went from a superb cook, to a competent chef to an incompetent businesswoman.

Were I Japanese and a bit less of a coward, it would be appropriate to schedule a seppuku (also known as hari kari)(Plus its hard to find anyone to second you.) I have even picked out a final poem.

"When I go from hence, let this be my parting word, that what I have seen is unsurpassable.

I have tasted of the hidden honey of this lotus that expands on the ocean of light, and thus I am blessed—let this be my parting word. Rabindranath Tagore

Oh well, no good deed goes unpunished, and someone has to pay the price.

Transward

Caith721 (imported) · Post by **Caith721 (imported)** » Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:54 am

Contact your local U.S. Representative. Mine helped me with the IRS several years ago. I had fulfilled all the requirements of an agreement, but the IRS were dragging their feet, being several months behind in updating my information. A few well-placed words from my congressperson later, they were off my back. Of course, it helped that I had copies of the completed paperwork and cancelled checks to back up my arguments.

transward (imported) · Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:51 pm

My busiest day of the year. Short handed (my trans cook had a trach shave Wed [great timing]) so I cooked 125 pounds turkey, 60 # ham, 70# mashed potatoes, stuffing, gallons of gravy, pumpkin-walnut pies all by myself. 11 hours on my feet. I did have help the last couple of hours and for service. So now I am off for my traditional Thanksgiving Dinner, a hamburger and a beer at a local dive bar. Today was fun but I am awfully glad it's over.

Transward

transward (imported) · Sun Jan 01, 2012 12:53 pm

Although I am one, I know not to trust do-gooders. If you don't exactly fit into their particular vision of the future, they will stab you in the back and leave you for dead. That said, I am always surprised to find a new knife in my back. I am going to miss the people I have fed for the last dozen years.

A few months ago we got into trouble w/ IRS, who threatened to shut us down. I moved heaven and earth, threw thousands of dollars out of my own pocket (which I didn't really have) to pay IRS and meet payroll. Talked to Catholic Community Services (who we work for). Told them what I was doing and asked them about their plans. They said that, while they were going to keep options open, they were happy with our services. They waited through holiday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas parties for three facilities and anniversary dinners for two. On last day of year they delivered a one paragraph letter terminating contract in sixty days and thanking us for our years of work and service.

Ah life is interesting.

Transward

kristoff · Post by **kristoff** » Sun Jan 01, 2012 4:01 pm

transward (imported) wrote: Sun Jan 01, 2012 12:53 pm Although I am one, I know not to trust do-gooders. If you dont exactly fit into their particular vision of the future, they will stab you in the back and leave you for dead. That said, I am always suprised to find a new knife in my back. I am going to miss th people I hav fed for the last dozen years.

A few months ago we got into trouble w/ IRS, who threatened to shut us down. I moved heaven and earth, threw thousands of dollars out of my own pocket (which I didn't really have) to pay IRS and meet payroll. Talked to Catholic Community Services (who we work for). Told them what I was doing and asked them about their plans. They said that, while they were going to keep options open, they were happy with our services. They waited through holliday season, Thanksgiving, Christmas parties for three facilities and aniversary dinners for two. On last day of year they delivered a one paragraph letter terminating contract in sixty days and thanking us for our years of work and service.

Ah life is interesting.

Transward

Rather typical of the Catholic Church. Get me going, and I will be on a tirade of offenses to the good sense of mankind... Basically, fuck them.... I have recovered from catholocism, I hope.

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