I had a consultation for a nullification surgery RIGHT before the world fell apart. Had to cancel...obviously. Rescheduled, when things calmed down a little, but ultimately had to cancel when we had that spike after Thanksgiving. Getting ||<That close TWICE to a consultation (now three times, re-re-scheduled for April 15) had a weird effect on my brain. Combine that with the isolation of the lockdown/social distacing, plus I'm re-evaluating my sexuality, it set off some serious dysphoria I never knew I had. That, in turn, caused some serious depression. I'm working through both. So, not fun.
Anyway, after talking to @LoseThem regarding my appointment, I'm a little less scared, but still terrified. But, I finally had to tell someone. Freakin' pandemic was good for something. I got help for something I didn't know I need help for AND started my journey to become who I always wanted to be.
I'll let you all know how it goes. ---
[Quick story time: In case you are wondering "why 6 years old?"...get settled in, it's story time. I was playing in the tub, using used shampoo bottles as ships or subs (Dad was in the Navy at the time, hence the ships and subs) and I leaned over to get a "sub" when my genitals went underwater, I leaned down and looked, and it looked like they weren't there. Something "clicked". This seemed "right" in my 6 year old mind (still does today). I thought "this is the way this is supposed to look." A few months later, a story appeared on the local news about the first "sex change operation to be performed" in the city where I lived. It was 1987, consider the time period for the terminology. Having a 1975 World Book Encyclopedia, I did something searching, there it was. I put 2 and 2 together. But I never felt like a "girl".
When I was 14, I discovered words like "castration" and "penectomy", but without the internet, I only had a description to go by. But, for the first time, I had something that sounded like something like what I truly wanted. But, again, without a picture, I could only imagine, so I filed these words away. I still thought that "sex change" I had heard about years before was the only to achieve what I truly wanted. Then in 2001(?), I discovered EA (and the internet)...and my world changed. I was able to search those terms I had filed away, I discovered a nullo named "Gelding" and I knew what I wanted to be. I was able to search what a "nullo" was. I now knew that Gender Affirming Surgery was NOT what I wanted.
Fast forward 20 years later and I'm nearly 40, I'm older (ugh!) and I'm wiser (kinda, ok, maybe not), nullification surgery is a thing (it wasn't in 2001), the LGBTQIA+ community is recognized (by most), and I've figured out who I am...mostly (still working out that sexuality thing).
What an insanely wild ride that ain't over yet. /end story time]
Insurance is a pain in the butt! But that's a rant for a different post. I have a list, so I'll be making calls tomorrow. 
Totally worth it though.
