Hello Frens

[doingmybest]

Hi, I’m a eunuch and a parent. I’m married to a woman. I am the way I am because I was trafficked as a child online and it contributed to some pretty difficult hurdles in life that I’m only now starting to grasp at 35. I found out about eunuch gender/sex in the standard of care for transgender medicine which added a chapter last summer - I had already started the process as a nonbinary person but the SOC8 definition is so precisely what I am that I switched over to this.

I’m curious if there are any others in a similar situation?

My approach to healing from my experiences growing up is to have compassion for the people that were involved with me when I was a kid. I recognize that there aren’t a lot of supports out there for people… It is pretty triggering for me to read stuff most people have to say on the subject so I usually just avoid it all together. Not all the experiences I had growing up were horrible. There is definitely different levels of harm not just one. Some people were kind/understanding and some were awful, and most were in between.

I am on lupron and have surgery scheduled — I have the first appointment coming up. Before going on lupron last year I was on depo Provera for ~5 years. Lupron has been so much better though. I had no idea. In the near future I’ll be going on a low dose of estrogen just for helping with mood/energy and for bone density. I am going through a transgender surgeon for either nullification or shallow depth vaginoplasty (vulvoplasty), whichever will make it so my wife and I can still be intimate and I can still experience orgasms with her, I really do not want to lose that so it’s a really high priority for me. I didn’t go through a trans clinic, my psychiatrist did the referral for me and has helped me get set up with a surgeon. He and I are in strong agreement that I have a kind of gender dysphoria that needs to be allowed to exist and supported and cared for.

I have a very talented surgeon so I’m not looking for that (just noticed a lot of people seem to be looking for that on Reddit). I am also not really doing this at all for any kind of sexual gratification (honestly some people have messaged me stuff like that and I find it very uncomfortable). It’s not really the penis that bothers me so much as erections - they are extremely dysphoric for me. I do not consider myself transgender and try to keep myself distant from that label as possible. This is not because I dislike trans people but rather because I know some other people like me from other forums and I really don’t want to mingle our understanding of ourselves with transgender people, they are similar but there’s so much stigma I prefer being just 3rd gender / eunuch.

I’m going through a really hard time right now related to this and am hoping I can find a kindred spirit or something just to talk to about this.

[WheelyFixed]

Welcome, you have come to a safe space... Because we all have different backgrounds and desires it may not always be 100% comfortable, but we try hard to respect each other...

I don't have the same sort of history you describe, but I did use Lupron for my chemical castration and agree that it seems like the best of the available drugs in terms of not doing other unpleasant things to you... For a while I didn't think it had worked at all until I got my first test result after a month... I'm also using an estrogen patch for maintaining bone density, and am quite happy with it... I was actually one of the early patients to go through the SOCv8 process as such. I started while it was still in draft, but didn't have my surgery until after it was released...

In terms of what sort of surgery you get, it seems to be a quite variable thing, I'd suggest having very detailed conversations with your surgeon about what sorts of procedure he would recommend... It is also important to remember that orgasms are much more driven by the brain than the bits, so it should be possible for you to still have orgasms, though they will likely be different from what you have now. Glad to hear your surgeon has TG experience, as that will be a big plus. Totally OK that you didn't go through a TG clinic, as it sounds like you psychiatrist basically did the same things a TG clinic would do... I tend to push the TG clinics just because they are easier to find, and are more likely to be accepting, but definitely they aren't a must...

Also no real problem about the terms, you are what you define yourself as, even though you may technically fall under a particular definition... I am also far more comfortable describing myself as a eunuch than as 'trans' because I'm not interested in being female... The ironic flip side is that any M->F trans person that has had transition surgery is technically a eunuch since their testicles were removed as part of the operation (if not before that) but they get upset if you label them as eunuchs...

At any rate, you are very welcome here, I hope to see many folks willing to talk with you...

WheelyFixed

[doingmybest]

For my colorful background, I found tg clinics to be actually horrible. To find my psychiatrist I had to go to a clandestine moot of “people like me” at the center for addiction and mental health in Toronto and meet someone high up at a separate standard of care organization. She was able to put me in touch with the exact right person in my state.

Unfortunately after I started the lupron and realized how trivial my issues were I got a bit cocky (lol) and reported some stuff on Facebook to law enforcement. . . The living hell this has created for me and my family is… hard to describe. It’s so inhuman and horrible.

I was taken from my home, denied the right to parent my child for over 10 days, put in a hotel and currently have at least four authorities “looking into” me. Meanwhile my work put me on paid leave. I told them to bring me back once trump is dethroned (joke).

The joke (?) is on them though because I’m completely uninterested in anything even remotely illegal or harmful. Obviously I’ve been this way for a long time. I was originally diagnosed when I was 19. I’ve always sought help, avoided anything risky, etc. Our government is literally insane right now.

My wife is supportive and surprisingly my church. All the kids are getting together to do something nice for my family this Sunday.


This is bizarro world.

[WheelyFixed]

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with the TG clinics, the only problem I had with the one I went to was that they were in an old building with rather marginal wheelchair access (They've since moved to a much nicer building) but they did their best to make things work for me, and it was just awkward...

It sucks when you get problems for trying to be a good guy, I really hope you are able to get the gov't types to go away and leave you alone... Glad to hear that you are getting support from your family and church, and that your employer is treating you fairly.

WheelyFixed

[globot06]

good luck on your journey

[doingmybest]

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience with the TG clinics, the only problem I had with the one I went to was that they were in an old building with rather marginal wheelchair access (They've since moved to a much nicer building) but they did their best to make things work for me, and it was just awkward...

It sucks when you get problems for trying to be a good guy, I really hope you are able to get the gov't types to go away and leave you alone... Glad to hear that you are getting support from your family and church, and that your employer is treating you fairly.

WheelyFixed

Thanks for pointing out the positives it’s hard to remember the good things sometimes. The supportive people around me are wonderful and I’m incredibly grateful.