Last Chapter

[kristoff]

I have been a member of and fully involved in the Archive for at least 24 years, a lot of it as a moderator, and in more recent times, leading it along with others.

There have been many changes over the years, many to the Archive itself, and many great strides in getting medical recognition and assistance. The scientific strides have been hard fought and made in a massive way. We have much to be proud of and grateful for.

My sense is that I have accomplished all I can. I don't know that there is much else I can do, except help the Archive to survive and live on to help those newly discovering themselves, and those continuing to struggle. We are attempting to find a permanent home for the Archive, to preserve it for those yet to come.

Not only have I done what I have wanted and was needed, I also come to the last of my time. It will be a while, but it is coming. I have been diagnosed with stage 4 of 4 terminal liver disease. Life expectancy is not really known, but estimates range from 4 months to 2 years. Some days are rough, but most are OK. It helps that I am occasionally helping patients with end-of-life issues, which can be frightening; it helps me to grasp my own, though at times it is a struggle.

I'll stick around for now, at least until I can't anymore.

Kristoff

[Valery_V (imported)]

Dear Kristoff!

We are always with you and love you very much!

[Hisgoodson (imported)]

Thank you for your candid and heartfelt post. As a newcomer here I haven't come to know you yet, unfortunately, and as a novice in "the life" who is only now evolving to the point of feeling belonging to an unexpected community, and in that belonging now discovering also a growing sense of duty, I look to your contributions.

Without being glib, you have my condolences - not just for your diagnosis, but for the complexities, emotions, and labyrinth of your new journey. I have helped multiple family members through their stage 4 cancer scenarios so I say that with genuine empathy.

May you have people around you to lean on, and deep wells of strength to draw from. Thank you for your work here, and for all of us.

- Micah

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Thank you so much for all you have done.

For what it is worth, when I was diagnosed with Parkinson's I was bummed out. On top of sciattica which the local medical group proved six times they are incapable of handling a simple referral for surgery, it all seemed a bit much. Then my accupuncturist gave me a Dutch uncle talk. When she had been diagnosed with a similarly serious disease, her eastern medicine teacher gave that talk to her. The message was simple, you define you and do not let some disease define you. It often hurts and sometimes can be embarrassing, but you know the last 10 years have arguably been the most rewarding professionaly, financially and personally of my life.

I have learned things about people and life that I never would have learned sequestered nor as a young whippersnapper. Among those, assholes make the news but the world is full of really nice people.

Finally, I bet you just know a lot of stuff accumulated over years that benefits other people or groups. It makes me feel good when I can offer that little but of advice that makes a difference.

Good luck.

[wanasoso2]

As a member for only about two years I had that feeling that you gave a lot to the EA.

For the months or years to come for you I wish you the best moment with your loved ones and away from any suffering, living fullness.

L.

[WheelyFixed]

This is very sad news Kristoff. You have been a major player in this world and your contributions to making things better for us are much appreciated

May your health and general situation progress as best they are able to help you be free from pain and find peace.

WheelyFixed

[Neutrum260725]

I am shocked and very sad. I am not a particularly religious person, but I am praying for you and your family. Hopefully modern medicine can bring you some relief. We all have so much to thank you for.

Ich bin geschockt und sehr traurig. Ich bin zwar nicht gerade ein besonders religiöser Mensch, aber ich bete für Dich und Deine Angehörigen. Hoffentlich kann Dir die moderne Medizin ein wenig Erleichterung bringen. Wir alle haben Dir unendlich viel zu verdanken.

[Castor]

Very sad news. All the best for you, Kristoff!

[kristoff]

My kids in Norway are living with their great aunt. We are arranging different living conditions for them. I told the 11 YO today about my health and life expectancy, a difficult conversation that was also joined by Marit (the great aunt). He cried a lot, but we are OK for now. We have to do the same with the 6 YO; that is going to be difficult, but Marit will explain a lot to him. It is extra difficult for him because he carries my exact name and feels he has to live up to my example. His great uncle has been informed, and he will talk with him, and he carries a lot of weight. I still have to deal alot with my American family. Not easy.

[JoeGreenParadox (imported)]

Thank You, Kristoff

I have appreciated, even envied, your steady maturity and emminent good sense. I believe that EA would not have survived without your active participation.

My current handle only shows part of my participation. I have used others in the past years, but only sequentially. Mainly caused by regular use, then dropping out for a year or two, then starting again with a new name because I have forgotton the earlier ones.

I shall miss your wisdom and restraint.

[kristoff]

With the end of the archive approaching, I am moved to sadness and regret, yet also gratitude. It has been a welcome chore to moderate here, but also an opportunity to contribute to the well-being of any number of members here. For the past several years it has been my pleasure to provide psychiatric evaluations and lend support to those seeking castration and gender transition, and in need of medical backing and recommendations. Not only are these posts coming to an end, so am I. My license to practice medicine has now expired, and my time is coming to an end. It is time to say good-bye, to this archive, and to this life. This is my last post and a signal of my appreciation and gratitude. This place helped me come to terms with my body and achieve the state I have. I am at peace and wish all of you well. Thank you!

[The Maintaner (imported)]

:)Kristoff it is with sorrow that here that your laving us. In joy your retierment Ernie of Maine

[Slammr (imported)]

Dear Kristoff,

Reading your post brought a wave of gratitude and reflection. Your dedication over these many years has been nothing short of extraordinary, and it's clear that the Archive wouldn't be what it is today without your guidance and care. The legacy you leave behind is immense—a testament to the impact one person, supported by a community, can have.

The Archive has been a significant part of my life since 2003, and I've seen firsthand the changes and strides you mentioned. The work done here has touched so many lives, mine included, and it's something I'll always carry with me, even as this chapter comes to a close.

As I think about this ending, I'm reminded of the natural cycles of life. Everything has its time—beginnings and endings, connections and goodbyes. I've come to accept this in my own life as well. With my heart disease, I know my time is finite—whether it's years or tomorrow, I don't know. But I find peace in the idea that being gone is simply a return to the state I was in before I was born. As Mark Twain put it, "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."

For now, I'll cherish the time left and the memories this space has given me. Thank you for everything you've done to create and nurture this community. It has been a beacon for so many, and I hope its essence lives on in those yet to come.

With deep appreciation,

Slammr

[Arab Nights (imported)]

Kristoff

Thanks for all. I think it would be an idea if someone could do a video interview for a record of how this all come to be. Would that be possible?

Will there be final expenses closing the EA that we all could contribute to?

Thanks again