My life

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks, Jackie!

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___________________________________
[/quote]


A close friend just asked me if I would have skipped GRS if I knew I might be dealing with difficult to treat, chronic pain for the rest of my life. There is a reasonable possibility that I will have to cope with this from here on. For example, I just joined a local support group. The leader has been living with the same pain I'm experiencing for over 20 years.

My friend's question did not bother me. I have spent just about zero time wondering about this, for a number of reasons:

I had no way of knowing that this would happen. All I knew what that it could happen and the risk was small.

Although my gynecologist agrees the nerve damage is surgery-related, it does not help me in any way to waste time pondering the outcomes of other paths that are in the past and, therefore, unchangeable.

Anyway, I am still glad I had gender reassignment surgery. Maybe that makes me even stranger than I suspected! (Please note: this does not mean I am at all happy about the pain. I can learn, and am already on this path, how to cope with it and still lead a happy life. Even if it is more difficult, and perhaps much more restricted, than I had imagned for myself.)

[Mac (imported)]

Thanks, Jackie!

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___________________________________
[/quote]


A close friend just asked me if I would have not undergone GRS if I knew I'd be dealing with what may be difficult to treat, chronic pain for the rest of my life. There is a reasonable possibility that I will have to cope with this from here on. For example, I just joined a local support group. The leader has been living with the same pain for over 20 years.

My friend's question did not bother me. I have spent just about zero time wondering about this, for a number of reasons:

I had no way of knowing what that this would happen. All I knew what that it could happen and the risk was small.

Although my gynecologist agrees the nerve damage is surgery-related, it does not help me in any way to waste time pondering the outcomes of other paths that are in the past and, therefore, unchangeable.

Anyway, I am still glad I had gender reassignment surgery. Maybe that makes me even stranger than I suspected! (Please note: this does not mean I am at all happy about the pain. I can learn, and am already on this path, how to cope with it and still lead a happy life. Even if it is one more difficult, and perhaps much more restricted, than I had imagned for myself.)

Good luck with the healing process.

[Danya (imported)]

Good luck with the healing process.

Thanks, Mac!

I am experiencing some very gradual reduction in my pain level. Although I'm not sure if this is because I have eliminated all sitting unless I have an appropriate cusshion, or if this is a result of the anti-seizure medicine, or even late-acting steroid injection or a combination of these - I am just happy to know I am improving. I stand all day as I work on the computer and found this is quite comfortable.

Now I stay away from most of the pudendal neuralgia support sites. Members with reasonably successful outcomes tend to leave these groups so you only hear the ongoing stories of pain. While I accept that my pain could last for years, I prefer to focus on a more positive outcome. One blogger wrote that reading the support sites one would conclude that pudendal neuralgia is practically a death sentence (i.e., to career and family life). She further writes that this is not the case.

I see my gynecologist again Monday. I will be certain I discuss pain management with her.

This morning, I had a phone interview with a hiring manager for a permanent position. I continue to actively pursue other permanent jobs.

[Danya (imported)]

This is the first day, since I moved back to the Twin Cities, that I have made it past 5 PM without an increase in pain. That increase is typical for pudendal neuralgia. And my pain has been barely noticeable all day. I am thrilled , although I realize I likely have a long way to go before I can sit again without the right cushion and for much time.

I spent 30 minutes driving today, while I sat on my pool noodle cushion. Then I took a leisurely walk at the Mall of Death, er...the Mall of America. There were camellias blooming in the amusment park area, which reminded me of living in the deep South. Walking is good for this type of neuralgia and today it helped.

[gareth19 (imported)]

Good to hear things are going well for a change. I hope it continues.

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks, Gareth19!

Friday wasn't quite as good a day. I'm experimenting with different self-help approaches to see which work the best. Today (Saturday) seems to be developing into a very good day.

[woofpuppy (imported)]

I am sorry to hear about the medical complications, I hope you will find relief soon. I will pray for your recovery. Keep looking for the job you deserve. Hope all goes well.

[Danya (imported)]

I am sorry to hear about the medical complications, I hope you will find relief soon. I will pray for your recovery. Keep looking for the job you deserve. Hope all goes well.

Hi woofpuppy,

Thanks for your kind words and warm wishes.

When I saw my gynecologist Monday, she commented that 'things' looked much better than when she saw me a month ago. That was good news. She also commented that she expects that, within a few months, I will be able to sit normally again.

I am hopeful that will happen; I'm a little doubtful because she had expected the corticosteroid injection to work. It did not. Partly because of that result, she now thinks the nerve is merely 'irritated.' [It's definitely irritating me!] That is good news, too, although it doesn't change my pain level! The nerve could be entrapped, instead, which would more difficult to manage

She approved of all the self-care stuff I'm doing to help things heal. I'll see her again in a month. She also recommended a physical therapist whom I'll see in late February. Nerve pain can cause muscle spasms, which I've got. The spasms, in turn, can contribute to more nerve pain. We need to break that cycle.

[Danya (imported)]

Although I have been applying for many permanent jobs during the time I've been back in Minnesota, I have been relieved not to have been given an offer of employment. I would have taken it, although I really did need to rest. Now, I have the doctor's blessing to interview (which I'd already been doing) and work. I want to find a job ASAP, preferably 'permanent' but at this point I will take contract work. Nothing has changed since I moved to Chicagoland in early 2010. It typically takes longer to find certain types of jobs. And although the Twin Cities continues to have the lowest unemployment rate for major metro areas (now tied with Washington, DC), a recruiter confirmed something I suspected. We are now in a down part of the hiring cycle for business analysts and project managers.

I expect working through a day with pain 'in my ass' ('X' joked that I moved from Chicago to get away from one pain in the ass - him ) while standing nearly all the time will be an adjustment. I also expect that I will manage.

[Danya (imported)]

I continue to slowy improve from my pudendal neuralgia/vulvodynia/pelvic floor dysfunction. Over this week, I had three days in a row that were nearly pain free all day. This was a new record! I need to get out to the nearby MOA to walk late in the day, when much of the mob of shoppers has headed for home.

Only about 2 more weeks until my first physical therapy session. Although I've been through PT before, I am actually looking forward to this. It promises to significantly reduce my pain. Promises, promises! I want to get to the point where I can go out on a date without having to stand the whole time.

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quote]


I am merely making an observ

atio
y
m
n
ye
I
id
i

icles [quote="Danya
tate that

this apparent amensia about the

ong
jor unemployment problem is a recent ph

enomen

on. I wa

s thinking this back in 2009. I suspect p

art [quote="Danya (imported)" time=

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of this

is an understandable

desire of those who have [quote="Danya

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held on

to jobs t

o thank their lucky stars (what, ex[quote="

Danya (imported)" time=1295488680]
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s a lucky star?? ) that they are 'safe
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n their

positions, I would likely feel the same

way.

The gove

rnment, though, seems to be sweeping unem

plo

yment iss

ues out of sight. Remember, I am just ven[

quote="Danya (imported)" time=1298502960]
ting

. This i

s NOT something to respond to on this t
[/quote]
hread.

______

_______________________________________

__

___ __________________________________________________

Late this morning, I struggled with th
[/quote]
e

fear of never again finding a permanent job. I might have avoided this if I myself had skipped reading one

of the few detailed articles on the plight of the long-term unemployed. For my own sanity, I typically

s

kip reading this type of thing. After 2 1/2 years of temporary jobs, seveal moves for work, impossible dem[

quote="Danya (imported)" time=1296439380]
ands at two of three contract job I've held, etc., etc. - I am intimately familiar with many of the issues.
[/quote]

I need to keep my spirits up to find my next job, permanent or not.

Part of my fear was related to hav

in

g reached the ripe old age of 60. [How did this happen? Family health history had left me wondering if I'd

make it this far.] I keep in mind the Workforce Center seminar on "Age As an Advantage." I agree with t

hi

s. The problem is many employers do not. Many do. I keep in mind that responsible hiring managers are mo

st

concerned about a potential employee's contribution to the success of the organization.

Tuesday, I have

two interviews for permanent opportunities. One sounds like it is the final interview. The other is an i

n

itial phone screen. There are few interviews I have not enjoyed. I do advance preparation, which allows m[q

uote="Danya (imported)" time=1294444140]
e to be relaxed. I also remember several other things to help convince younger hiring managers that I woul
[/quote]
d

be a valuable addition to their organization.

Writing about my fears released them and I feel calm again.

__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________

__

Overall, my life is good. Over the last 2 1/2 years, I was fortunate to achieve a major life goal.

The 18 months I spent in the Chicago area were, despite some difficulties, a very good time for me. For awhile there with 'X', I was perhaps happier than I'd ever been. I'm glad we remain friends. I still miss the city and all it has to offer. I need to focus on today, though, and how I will make my future even better.

Who knows, I may even interview for that job in far outstate Minnesota. This is a permanent job. I'll talk with the recruiter about it, but for now, I'm probably not ready to abandon the Twin Cities. I have lived in or very close to major cities my entire life. I prefer to continue that.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

I'm so glad to hear you're well, Danya...These last few years have been exciting and life-changing for you, to say the least...You're one tough cookie(another idiot phrase)..

smooches m'luv Jackie

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks for your kind remarks, Jackie! I'm attempting to find a job arrangement that would eventually allow me to move back to Chicago or somewhere else in the USA. This may yet work. If not, I'm now finding more jobs in my field, and in MPLS/SP, than I can apply for and recruiters are aggressively courting me. In the next few days, I have interviews for three permanent jobs.

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___________
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__

___

______________________
[/quote]
____________ ____

__________________

____________________________

___________

_____

Although I still have

pain, cannot sit,

and dilating is more difficult (and

painful

) than it should be, all of these things are

improving. Walking i

s the one exercise I'm allowed to

do, and I

walk for at least an hour most days. This

helps. W

ith the help of a friend and one of my roomma

tes, I c

onstructed a better cushion out of kneeling p

ads, foa

m rubber, part of a pool noodle, plywood and

duct tape. It is the bes

t cushion I've used, although

none wi

ll be totally comfortable.

With all these ch

anges for the better,

I'm starting to feel back to my

'normal', whatev

er that is , self. These last few m

onths ha

ve been difficult.

I am happy that my hair n

ow hangs slightly below

my shoulders and, in front, I

can bru

sh it down to my mouth -->:D I'm still using

a wig, b

ut will probably go without it within a few m

onths. Not having t

he advantages of a natal girl's ch

ildhood,

I will need help with styling my hair. One r

oommate told me to just

put some kind of thingamajig

in my ha

ir. I had no clue what she was talking about!

____________________

______________________________ __________________________________________________
[/quote]
________________

As a T, straight member of LGBTAQI..... I am excited by recent gay marriage progress in California, Washington state and New Jersey. This is all gratifying because in days gone by, I was an advocate for these rights through work with the NGLTF and with a very effective church-related rights group. My role was not large, but these events and others make my realize how important individual participation really is.

[Mac (imported)]

Hope you are successful in being accepted for one which interests you.

[Danya (imported)]

Thanks, Mac.

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[
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quote="Danya (imported)" time=1292939460]
_
[/quote]
__________________________________________
[/quote]


This is truly one of the most difficult times of my life. I wrote an email to a friend about feelings I have been wrestling with tonight. What I needed to write was too personal for this site. Writting out my feelings was all I needed to feel calm again. So there was no need to bother my friend; I did not send the email but saved the draft.

Most of the time, I am doing well and feel upbeat. Occasionally, though, I struggle as I continue to deal with pain, feelings of loss related to leaving Chicago and unemployment. The last is the most difficult, after 2 1/2 years of multiple jobs followed by stretches of down time. Missing Chicago is of lesser concern, but still bothersome. The pain I am working through

I have three jobs that I am under active consideration for and there are more on the horizon. I never give up, and know that something good will happen soon.

[Danya (imported)]

At the suggestion of my physical therapist, I joined a health club so that I can exercise in their pool. Before walking/swimming in the pool, I needed a swim suit. I shopped around looking for a bargain. This was the first time I had really looked at women's swim suits as something I would wear. I've never needed one before. Initially, I was surprised at how skimpy they are and thought 'you've got to be kidding'. I finally found one I liked at about the least expensive price around.

This morning, I made it to the pool and had a great time. With my pelvic floor dysfunction, I'm not allowed to do the breaststroke. It's the only way I can swim reasonably well. I managed to do a few laps using my arms alone. During the rest of my pool time, I walked in the water and did leg raises.

After my pool workout, I sat in the whirlpool. I left the club very relaxed but also very wet. I did not know I needed to bring my own towel! Fortunately, our unseasonably warm winter is continuing and the outside temperature is close to 60 F.

Getting out helped relieve some of my cabin fever. Not being able to sit keeps me at home most of the day. When I must drive, I use my custom made cusion but it is not comfortable. The important thing is it elevates my sensitive area so it does not touch the seat surface.

With a sunny, warm day ahead I will drive to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum to walk. I may also find some early spring flowers to photograph.

I've been to two sessions with my physiscal therapist. I think her work and my exercises are starting to help. Like my gynecologist, she has worked with trans women before. Several had the same pain symptoms as me.

[Danya (imported)]

DISCLAIMER: Although I may write some negative things about Minnesota and the Twin Cities, I lived in Minnesota for 9 years before leaving for Chicago. There are many good things about Minnesota. I'm continuing to have trouble, however, readjusting to being here. Part of the problem is that I have never before moved back to a place I left by choice. Another part of this is the "you can never go home again" thing. I cannot fully explain it, but I feel out of place here now. I did not feel that way before leaving.

[quote="

Dan

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1325119740]

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ants to hear. The recruiter specifically mentioned ne[quote="Danya (imported)" time

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o me, describing how diff
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I continue to feel out of place. It would help if

my [quote="Danya (imported)" time

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pelvic floor pain did not keep me at home much of th[quote="Danya (imported)"

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e time. Today, I decided I need to nurture my inner M[quote="Danya (imported)"

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innesotan. If I can find her!

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one very good reason for me to be in the Twin Cities[quote="Danya (imported)"

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[quote="Danya (imported

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__________________________________________________ __________________________

______
[/quote]
__
[/quote]


Th

88680]
is morning was the first time I felt better after physical therapy! Hooray! This

was my
[/quote]
fourth appointm

53580]
ent. It may well be another 4 to 6 weeks before I start to notice a large improvemen

t.
[/quote]


At my PT's suggest

20240]
ion, I bought a kick board to use in the health club pool. Never having used one bef

ore, I
[/quote]
didn't know wha

44140]
t to expect. What I found is that I couldn't kick much at all. It's likely I need

to po
[/quote]
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4110840]
tter, but so far I haven't managed to do more than remain stationary with my apparen

tly fe
[/quote]
eble kicking.

92939460]
__________________________________________________ ______________________________

______
[/quote]


I volunteered for a short-term committee assignment

that involves bring a performer to the Twin Cities who addresses transgender issues throug

h his art. This is a good cause and it will get me out of the house.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________

Spring arrives today and, thanks to the extraordinarily warm winter and recent string of record-setting temperatures, the g

[Danya (imported)]

I'd like to be able to say I'm getting better adjusted to being back in Minnesota. I suppose I am; things seem better, in some ways, than when I first moved here, although I continue to feel I do not belong. It's not as if I'm not trying. Today, I went to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum to take photos of the amazingly early spring blossoms. At the entrance gate, I showed the attendant my still active pass

[quote="Danya (imported)" tim

e=1301883600]
to [quote="Danya (imported)"
[/quote]
time=1285034640]
the Chicago Botanic Garden. The
[/quote]
arboretum accepts this for admission. He told me that he and his wife love the Chicago Botanic Garden and go there several times a year. Hearing this did not help. I thought taking pictues would help. It did not.

I've have probably written this before. When I moved to Chicago, it was only partly for better job prospects. I did, though, find a contract job after 'only' 2 1/2 months of being there. I also chose the Chicago region because I have always wanted to live there. Being there for roughly 20 months did not change my opinion.

For now, my confidence is down. I think this is mostly because I'm still dealing with often intense pain from p

elvic floor dysfunction. I feel

isolated and I cannot get out much to meet current friends and meet new folks. Yes, this is a large part of it. I remember when I moved back to the Twin Cities I felt very hopeful.

I'm trying hard to find a permanent job, and have another phone interview Wednesday. I wonder, though, how I would hold down a job with this pain. I'd have to manage somehow. I hope my physical therapist is correct when she says my pain should start to lessen in a few weeks. I see her tomorrow and will speak with her about where she now see things.

[Mac (imported)]

Thought you would have a job by now.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

It's good to hear from you Danya..Sorry about your pain issues...but that bit of hope from your last therapy is a good sign.....smooches Jackie

[Danya (imported)]

Thought you would have a job by now.

I thought so, too. As it is, it can take much longer to get hired for a permanent job. In addition, the job market is still somewhat tight here in the Twin Cities. Also, the more yo

u make the longer it tends to take to land a job.

It's good to hear from you Danya..Sorry about your pain issues...but that bit of hope from yo

ur last therapy is a good sign.....smooches Jackie

I saw my physical therapist today, and although I know the therapy will never be fun I enjoy seeing her. It's a chance to get out and talk to a real, live person. Today was no exception and we chatted a lot. She added two more exercises to what I do at home, which is fine with me.

At the end of the appointment, I asked how much longe she thought I'd need to see her. For this problem, she typically see patients roughly 12 times. Today was my sixth visit, so I'm halfway there. When we finish, I should be much improved. It will still be several months to be back to normal.

[quote="Dan

ya (imported)" time=1325119740]

[Mac (imported)]

.......................

I saw my physical therapist today, and although I know the therapy will never be fun I enjoy seeing her. It's a chance to get out and talk to a real, live person. Today was no exception and we chatted a lot. She added two more exercises to what I do at home, which is fine with me.

.................What type of physical therapy do they do for your pain? is it difficult?

[Danya (imported)]

What type of physical therapy do they do for your pain? is it difficult?

I've been through physical therapy two other times for other problems. It is usually difficult and not at all fun. It also gets to be very boring, but it usually works.

Each time I see her, my therapist adds at least one new exercise to my daily routine. None are easy to explain. They are all designed to stretch musclse in my pelvic floor and the surrounding areas. This then should eventually enable these muscles to stop their spasms and relax.

One of my latest exercises is a yoga position I do lying on my back, with my butt a few inches from the wall. I then put my legs up on the wall in sort of a modified lotus position with my heels together. After holding that for several minutes, I alternately leave one leg in its bent position and straighten the other. This is rather difficult!

The physical therapy does not immediately relieve my pain. It may even temporarily make it worse. But over the five weeks I've been doing PT, I am able to notice the loosening of some muscles.

Part of the problem is tight muscles that I can feel through the wall of my vagina. I have to massage these manually.

[Milkman (imported)]

Could the pains be unhealed regions of your body from your SRS last year? That is such major surgery that I wondered if that is a possibility

[Danya (imported)]

Could the pains be unhealed regions of your body from your SRS last year? That is such major surgery that I wondered if that is a possibility

The pain originates from a pelvic nerve irritated during my SRS surgery. When I moved from Chicago to Minnesota, sitting for the long drive made the nerve irritation a lot worse. The nerve irritation causes muscles spasms (tightening). The tight muscles make sitting painful, and at times walking and standing, too. The muscle spasms in turn further irritate the nerve. The goal of physical therapy is to relax the muscles and break this cycle.

[Danya (imported)]

yI am excited that all the physical therapy appointments over the past two months, and my PT exercises at home, are finally paying off. Over the last week, I've been able to sit 'normally,' without the support of a special cushion. This only works for 15 - 20 minutes but it's great progress. Two weeks ago, I had to walk 4 miles at the 'Mall of Death' before I could sit for even a few seconds. With three PT appointments remaining, now spaced ever other week, I am looking forward to no longer standing much of the day.

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_______

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The one year anniversary of my

GRS was a fe

w days ago, on April 19. I am pleased wit

h the way everything looks, but it seems like I stil
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