Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Although my church is extremely accepting of GLBT folks, who make up about a third of the congregation, I have been reluctant to go there as my new, real self. The reason is I am very well known there, partly through past work leading the 'Caring for Creation' team, participation on a committee pushing for GLBT rights in the national church and also from playing the pipe organ now and then. I also sang in the choir for several years. It would be nice to start at a new congregation where no one knows of my past. All they would see would be the real me, unburdened by images of who I once was.

Within the last week or so I made the decision to return to my own church, partly because I was lured with the promise of substitute organist work later in the summer I am a ham when it comes to performing music and I have a number of fans at this congregation.

The last time I was at this church was maybe four months ago. I was still usually dressing in male clothing then but I did tell quite a few people that day that I am transgender. Everyone was supportive although it seemed that a very sensitive married man I know well was a little uncomfortable. He was very friendly and welcoming today.

Today, no one recognized me and that really surprised me. I have no doubt that if I had gone as my former male self, numerous people would have come up to me to chat and ask how things are going. During the sign of peace, I walked right up to people who know me well, said hello and wished them peace. I was looking them right in the eye. I called all of them by name although few had name tags on. Having an apparent stranger say their names did not generate recognition in most. No one recognized me by my voice either, which I do make an effort to modulate in a more feminine manner, both in pitch (although I never use a falsetto voice) and in the way I say things.

I had a name tag on with my first and last name, which I have not yet changed. I thought the last name would be a tip off for some. Turns out it was for one or two but only after they had given it some thought. They later came up to me and said they at first hadn't recognized me at all. I then had several very nice conversations. Several told me how fantastic I looked, which was certainly nice to hear. Perhaps it was the lighting. The truth is, I am quite happy with the way I look.

After the service, I walked up and started speaking to some of the people I know well. One gay man I have known for years. We were talking and finally I said "John, you know who I am" and then I told him my former male name. He said he had noticed a new woman at communion and wondered who it was! We had brunch together a few months ago and I told him then that I am transgender.

This same basic scenario of my speaking with people and them not recognizing me happened at least ten times. No doubt it would have continued if I had stayed around longer after the service.

[Danya (imported)]

In my last post, I described what happened at church this morning. It was all very good.

I just got home and had a voice mail from a friend who knows a lesbian couple who are mutual friends. They had looked right at me this morning at church and had no clue who I was. After the service we had a really nice conversation.

This evening, my friend reported what the couple told her about seeing me today (I listened to the message several times to get this down):

"They both were so impressed with you in church today. They thought you looked so great. They didn't recognize you at first. You looked so wonderful and you seemed so happy."

I am still amazed that I am so happy for the first time in my life and people continue to notice it. I know some of you are probably tired of hearing this. Going from a life of depression and underlying unhappiness to freedom from depression and genuine happiness and joy always seemed an impossibility to me. Yet that is exactly where I find myself. Sometimes, I still find my good fortune unbelievable.

After I transitioned at work on May 19 of this year, I thought after a few weeks life would pretty much return to 'normal'. The emotional buildup to 'transition day' was a huge high point in my life. As were the two weeks or so immediately following that day. I just thought things would settle down and that I would likely start to feel life as a female was becoming just as routine as it had when I was male. I would remain somewhat happier as a woman but, other than that, the long-term effects were not likely to be great. I could not have been more wrong. The way I continue to feel, the way I look at life and its new possibilities, and the way people react to me in a much more positive way are hugely different from anything I experienced in my earlier life.

I had many good times in my life as a male and was happy from time to time. There was always major depression from childhood on, although that was somewhat controlled, starting in my late 20s, by medication. I was not relying on medication to solve everything by any means. I have lost count of the years I have been in therapy. Several therapists have said how impressed they have been by how I have effectively handled major life crises. Some have commented on how much work I put into living more effectively. For years, I exercised regularly to help alleviate depression. I spent time socializing. These things helped.

None of those were ever enough, though, to allow me to lead a genuinely fulfilling life. I accomplished a lot of things and did them well. Whatever I did and whatever relationships I had never left me feeling at ease with myself. Without that, I could not be truly happy.

Several important people in my life have told me you cannot find happiness, meaning you cannot work to get it. It comes to different people for various reasons. True happiness has come to me and I still can't believe my good fortune. I have no idea if I will always feel this way but I suspect I will tend to no matter what happens.

[Danya (imported)]

It really great you are doing so good I am happy for you keep up the good work

Hi Kennath,

It's always nice to hear from you! Thanks for the good thoughts

Danya

[mrt (imported)]

I am trying to imagine spending my life as the wrong sex and suddenly being on the path to have that corrected. I think it is very understandable why your such a smiling person. And while everyone in your life may not get it the important person in this equation does. You!

-

Life probably won't ALWAYS be a 24:7 grin fest there are ups and downs but.... It sounds so clear that your doing the right thing!

[Mac (imported)]

Danya,

I am glad that everything is going so well for you and that you are so happy about your life as a woman. You are very fortunate to have had the opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it.

bdsmilie: Girl reborn May 19, 2008.

May all of your desires and expectations be fulfilled, including :dong:

[Danya (imported)]

The stupid questions I would really like to ask are along the lines of that interview that Tom Snyder did decades ago. What does it FEEL like? Is it better with female hormones or male? Other silly stupid stuff that is right up there with people who gawk at car wrecks etc and which I know are none of my biz but...

Tom Snyder?? MrT, I am way too young to remember him! Of course that is not true but I don't think I ever saw the interview you mention.

From my viewpoint, I believe I have been describing what it feels like to be transgender and transsexual in my posts. Now there is the added bit about estrogen. BTW, I would still feel undeniably transsexual without estrogen, as I did for months before I started it.

I know that I have always been on the feminine side of things, so while I have experienced much of my life in the physical body of a man my brain was never entirely masculine. It is not always an easy matter, then, to explain how things are now different. I'll need to give that some consideration.

The way I usually express myself must not be providing some of the additional information you and others (I have had a few PMs about this) would like to know. I don't have a problem with people being interested in additional details, as long as they are not really inappropriate requests. I'll get into that in another post.

I am expressing my feelings very openly in every post. So I may need a little assistance from you and others in more plainly stating what it is you would like to know.

In the meantime, I will do some thinking about this and post more another time. OK, I've thought about it! , a little anyway.

I wonder if people are looking for something more profound than what I describe. In some ways, I think the whole experience of being transsexual is more profound that I can find words for while at the same time being a very ordinary thing. I don't suppose this helps much.

Perhaps you, and others, are looking for something more earthy than what I usually write. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe something like "I toss in bed unable to sleep, tormented by the recurring vision of a man who wants to make passionate love to me. His musky scent inflames my nostrils and ignites my desire. His smoldering dark eyes seem to look beyond the shell of my body and into the depths of my being. A shiver courses over my nakedness, my sex inflamed with a need I cannot repress. He begins to lower himself, his own unleashed desire evident in his hardness that I ache to take in and satisfy. My back arches as I open myself to him. As I reach out, his image fades. I am left perpetually unsatisfied and alone. All I can do is cry as I call out a name that I never knew." I just made that up, on the off-chance you were wondering. I have had sexual fantasies but nothing so melodramatic.

Seriously, though, I am open to questions. I just may need a little more help in knowing what you want. There's no need to be shy here!

[mrt (imported)]

Well the sexuality part is ahh (Is it warm in here?) interesting.

But believe it or not I was actually more curious about things like physical changes. Pure curiosity about what its like to have the wiring changed. One of my other friends who is doing this reported things like colors being brighter. Smells being ahh err smellier! Skin being less sweaty and other things such as that. Your kind of like the guy who wrote the book "Black like me" that was able to give white people a small clue what it was like to be black. The difference is your really changing - its not just a "mask" or theatrical face paint etc. And along with the changes you see *how people react to you, what your opportunities are as a woman your wiring is being modified by hormones and maybe surgery.

I guess I'm curious because I've been goofed up with too little Testosterone for probably a very long time and now that I'm getting it in adult doses I've seen many changes in myself. At the start some were so dramatic I was kind of scared that I wasn't going to be "me" but... It dawns on me that the new me is like the old old me. Lots of dejavu. And what I'm curious about mostly is if you feel like this is creating a new you in anyway and if so what how etc?

I guess it sounds like I'm asking a science experiment question and I hope you don't take it that way. Or that I'm just a gawker *which I admit is sort of true at the lowest level. But I really don't mean any harm. Think cats. They are curious and I seem to be in tune with them...

Anyway, the sexuality part is interesting as well but... Ahh don't feel you have to talk about that. I would not be like Tom Snyder and ask whats better male or female orgasm for example. A little too personal I think. Anyway I do rather hope you find "Mr Right" if that is the topic. I think its unfortunate that so many TS people don't really have much interest in their sexuality. *If Dr Bowers is to be believed. And whooo... And that seems so odd because if anyone can have her pick of men?

[Danya (imported)]

Well the sexuality part is ahh (Is it warm in here?) interesting.

My spur of the moment fantasy was partly a result of my feeling sexual. I have described before how I feel a different type of sexuality and this started months before I was on estrogen but after I had started Androcur.

I also felt like trying out a different style of writing. I can feel very playful about many things, but I doubt that is evident in most things I write. In a way, writing about a fantasy (even one I have never had) was an experiment in expressing myself in a new way.

But believe it or not I was actually more curious about things like physical changes. Pure curiosity about what its like to have the wiring changed. One of my other friends who is doing this reported things like colors being brighter. Smells being ahh err smellier! Skin being less sweaty and other things such as that. Your kind of like the guy who wrote the book "Black like me" that was able to give white people a small clue what it was like to be black. The difference is your really changing - its not just a "mask" or theatrical face paint etc. And along with the changes you see *how people react to you, what your opportunities are as a woman your wiring is being modified by hormones and maybe surgery.

I will talk about your points here as I progress on estrogen treatment. It's only been 5 1/2 weeks since I started it and both the emotional and physical changes take time.

The calm I feel on estrogen is amazing. Another friend on the Archive suspects a large part of this calm is because of my transition at work and the resulting peace I feel. I do not doubt that plays a part.

It seems that there is a fluctuation in this calm that may be related to changing levels of estrogen. The estrogen patch (Vivelle-dot) is designed to provide a relatively constant level of estrogen. If I am more than half a day late in changing to a new one, though, I no longer feel the new calm as keenly. Then it seems to take another half-day after I put on a new patch for the true calm to return.

That could all be a placebo effect but I do not think so. That is because this calm, as I have discussed, is of a different type than I have ever experienced.

As far as 'smells' go, I do not notice a difference so far and I may never. I almost always have nasal congestion even if I take medication to help reduce it.

I do think I sweat much less and I have reported that I often feel a chill when the temperature might be uncomfortable for others. Certainly sweating less is nice!

People do tend to treat me differently than when I was male. A lot of that may be due to the fact that I pass well. I find it relatively easy to behave in a feminine manner, in the way people might expect a woman to act. That is the way I want to be but not in any extreme sense. I merely want to appear as the woman I am. That is still a work in progress. I totally enjoy being treated as a woman.

My company brought in speakers to talk about transgender lives the week before my official first day as a woman at work. Participation was mandatory for people in my division, which is full of technical types. One of the presenters is a trans woman (and I include 'trans' so you know her history - she is really a woman). She made the point that transitioning is like building the Windows XP operating system from the ground up. Her point neither she nor anyone else simply decides one day to be a woman and that's it, she's arrived. It is an on-going process of transformation that is sometimes difficult (not to mention expensive). It is truly an adventure.

What you are interested in is the process and I have no problem describing that. I have a long way to go, though, on my journey so I cannot immediately describe to you what the end will look or feel like. In some ways, I have no clue but that is part of the fun.

I guess I'm curious because I've been goofed up with too little Testosterone for probably a very long time and now that I'm getting it in adult doses I've seen many changes in myself. At the start some were so dramatic I was kind of scared that I wasn't going to be "me" but... It dawns on me that the new me is like the old old me. Lots of dejavu. And what I'm curious about mostly is if you feel like this is creating a new you in anyway and if so what how etc?

In some ways I feel that the estrogen is creating a new me. Again, though, I am at the beginning of this process and there is a long way to go. I will report on something in another post regarding my sexuality. That may be expanding in scope.

I guess it sounds like I'm asking a science experiment question and I hope you don't take it that way. Or that I'm just a gawker *which I admit is sort of true at the lowest level. But I really don't mean any harm. Think cats. They are curious and I seem to be in tune with them...

I have no doubt at all that you mean no harm, my friend. Besides, I like science-type questions. The one negative I see here is that you are in tune with cats. I am a dog person. Ah well, I suppose I can overlook that aspect of you.

Anyway, the sexuality part is interesting as well but... Ahh don't feel you have to talk about that. I would not be like Tom Snyder and ask whats better male or female orgasm for example. A little too personal I think. Anyway I do rather hope you find "Mr Right" if that is the topic. I think its unfortunate that so many TS people don't really have much interest in their sexuality. *If Dr Bowers is to be believed. And whooo... And that seems so odd because if anyone can have her pick of men?

Sexuality is a healthy part of being human and it should be celebrated! I will probably write more on this as time goes by.

As for Marci Bowers, I have met her (briefly) and she is indeed very attractive. She has clearly had major body work and I don't see anything wrong with that.

The good thing for me is that I feel beautiful now, so I am lucky. There are some things I would like to have finished (like electrolysis). I know from comments others have made to a mutual friend that when they see me for the first time they notice that I have no beard. Of course, that is not true but I am glad what I have is not noticeable, at least most of the time. That new makeup must be very effective!

The single thing that matters is who you feel you are and that you believe that. All of the rest is superficial. I am not saying appearance is unimportant. I have read, though, accounts of women who have transitioned with completion of electrolysis, GRS, facial feminization surgery, breast augmentation and who knows what else! Some of these women are still uncomfortable with themselves and there remains an underlying unhappiness because they feel they are still not true women. The fact that they may be physically gorgeous and pass perfectly is not enough for them.

Dr. Bowers has a female partner, by the way, where she lives in Colorado. She may still be technically married to the wife she met when she was Mark Bowers. They remain best friends and have several children. I have heard the deal about Bower's commenting on many trans women not being interested in sex. I don't know how accurately she was quoted.

I have several trans women friends who are intensely interested in sex. One gave a talk entitled 'The Dilation Diaries' on her experiences with increasingly large dilators(let's face it folks, these are dildos) after her GRS. After surgery, the woman needs to regularly (several times a day) and for an extended period over many months work to keep her new vagina open.

There were several women at the talk who have had GRS. All gave unabashed recounts of their own experiences with dildos and the sexual responses they got with their new 'equipment'. They also described their sex lives.

I will post a recent interview with Marci Bowers in another thread. She does not agree with all the provision of the Standards of Care but follows the for the most part. I am sure she has to protect herself.

Today is a vacation day and I enjoy writing. I need to do get other things done today, though, and I ended up writing far more than I intended.

[Danya (imported)]

Danya,

I am glad that everything is going so well for you and that you are so happy about your life as a woman. You are very fortunate to have had the opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it

Hi Mac,

You are right, I am very fortunate in many ways and I never forget that. It's always good to hear from you.

-Danya

[drew28 (imported)]

Yes good luck, peace, happiness, and success with transitioning at work and in general. I would love to go down the road of transition, I just don't have the money.

Good luck with it. I'll read what's happening with your transition with great interest (as I'll be going down the same road in a few months). May it lead to great happiness

[kayleigh (imported)]

It is a brave thing you are doing I wish I could do the same there are just too many downsides to coming out fully for me. Maybe after my children are grown and out on their own

I wish you the best of luck and happiness!

Kayleigh

[Danya (imported)]

It is a brave thing you are doing I wish I could do the same there are just too many downsides to coming out fully for me. Maybe after my children are grown and out on their own

I wish you the best of luck and happiness!

Kayleigh

Thanks for the good wishes, Kayleigh. I don't feel brave at all, although I appreciate and understand your comment. It all comes down to finally doing what makes me truly happy. Remember, I am 56 so it took me a long time to get to this place. Those were not wasted years, either, but all part of the process that got me to where I am today.

I wish you the very best now and in the future.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Yes good luck, peace, happiness, and success with transitioning at work and in general. I would love to go down the road of transition, I just don't have the money.

Hi Drew,

Your good wishes mean a lot to me. It is true that transitioning is expensive. I am fortunate in that, given my age and other factors, it does not need to be as expensive as it is for some.

I wish you the best!

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Soon it will be two months since my May 19 transition at work. Today turned out to be an emotional high point nearly on a par with the days immediately leading up to and following that day. I'm not exactly sure why this should be particularly true today as overall I have been doing really well.

My boss and I had a long, personal talk for the first time since transition week. He told me that coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, energetic, confident and engaged in life I am. They tell him what a good thing this is. The last time he got this feedback on me was only yesterday.

There were some other good things that happened today so I suppose everything combined simply made it a very good day. There are stresses for me, like a lot of debt and a very heavy work load at the office. There have also been layoffs at my company and those are continuing. Despite the problems in my life I cannot imagine anything that would make it any better than it is right now.

It may be that I don't post to this thread for a time because I am not sure what else to add. I'm certain there will be new things to report as time goes by. Tomorrow night or in a few weeks, I will have something new to report.

Ah...I just remembered MrT's questions about what it feels like to be transsexual. It is a happy feeling for me but I what he really wants to know, I think, is the why behind this happiness. I will give more thought to his post and respond to that sometime.

[twaddler (imported)]

"

coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, energetic, confident and engaged in life I am

"

This makes me incredibly happy. XD It's so great things are going so well for you! Kickass!

[Danya (imported)]

"

coworkers are still commenting to him about how happy, en

ergetic, confident and engaged in life I am

"

This makes me incredibly happy. XD It'

s so great things are going so well for you! Kickass!

I always enjoy hearing from you, tanglog. Thanks for the great comments!

[Danya (imported)]

I am finding it unlikely, at least for the near future, that I will be able to resist writing here for long. I am still not sure I have much new to say although I am certain that will change as time goes on.

As a close friend on the Archive says, it is therapeutic for me to write. Writing helps me sort through my feelings. I am also clearly stating who I am here for all to read and it is has become critical for me to feel that I am known for who I really am. The Archive is the first place where I have felt comfortable doing that.

I had a minor revelation this evening that now seems such an obvious thing that I could not have possibly missed it. I have overlooked one of the key components of my newly found happiness as a woman. Until now, I have viewed my happiness as being entirely based on my finally coming home to my true self and my total acceptance of who I am. I have no doubts that I am a woman. This is the first time in my life I have felt completely comfortable in my own skin. All this is based on my internal view of who I am.

A major contributor to my current happiness, though, comes from others' total acceptance of me. This is what I have not fully recognized until this evening. I never counted on people for validation earlier in life. I could not do that because I always knew, on some level, that positive responses to me were based on an identity that was not mine. They were inherently suspect and I could not trust them. The only thing I could fully count on was my own internal voice.

I have reported how coworkers and friends have treated me very well since I transitioned. That has been terrific but it is only now that I fully comprehend how significant it is. What has changed is that now I have honest, open interactions with people. For the first time in my life, people are interacting with me with full knowledge of who I truly am and they like what they see. Their reactions are very positive and for the first time this matters to me. People like me simply for being my real self. I don't have to do anything beyond that to be appreciated.

[Danya (imported)]

It is getting late and I still need to eat dinner. I needed to write tonight because a certain someone on this board is right. I do find it therapeutic and that is just what I need this evening.

I am feeling a little down because I have spent the entire day investigating ways to bring in more money. I haven't progressed far. While I was doing the investigating, I was falling behind on starting up my photography side business. That is a long-term effort to generate income. For the next several years it may not produce much at all.

One of the things I am investigating is teaching an online course in science or IT. Late this afternoon, I submitted an application for such a position with the state university.

Why the hell do I need to bring in more money? There are several reasons. One is so I can more rapidly pay off debt. Another is to save more for retirement. Yet a third is to have more money available for my transition from male to female. A fourth is to have money available for some occasional fun so I am not stuck at home.

My main concern is the transition part. [In a close second position is 'occasional fun'.] That is what is getting me down tonight. On a purely emotional level, my feelings leave me in no doubt that I am female. Intellectually I can tell myself that this is sufficient for my happiness. I have finally realized and accepted who I am. Even better, I am living the life of a woman. I am indeed happy.

But...the further through this adventure I travel, the more I want to be prepared for future choices. I want to be able to have the option of paying for SRS, for instance, should I decide I that is for me. I want to have the money to finish electrolysis, despite the fact that most of my remaining facial hair is gray and quite easily concealed with makeup.

I want to be loved. The latter does not require that I be a 'sugar momma' (if there is such a thing) but it may mean that I do have to go for SRS and complete electrolysis. I do not buy the argument that at my age, 56, sex is unimportant. Similarly, I do not listen to those who tell me I am too old to rollerblade, but that's off-topic.

BTW, I believe one way or another I will find a way to get all this accomplished. If that is my ultimate decision. I am persistent and I have never given up before.

I still believe that what I do has to be for me alone. Any future decisions I make on surgery and other things will be for my benefit. Not choices made for someone else's happiness.

Today, I would have preferred to spend my time taking photos of beautiful wild flowers and lake vistas. Instead, I was feeling uptight revising my resume for online teaching.

Something I did not get to but need to finish is providing information to my company to help convince them to end their exclusion of GID expenses (including SRS) from the company health insurance. The fact that I did not get to do this added some stress.

Such is life. Overall, I am doing extraordinarily well.

[Danya (imported)]

No one has asked me a thing here that has in any way offended me. I do not expect that to happen, either. There are questions from members, though, that I feel comfortable answering that I would not dream of discussing with most people I know outside the virtual world.

In preparation for my transition, I provided human resources with a nice little summary of 'OK' and 'Not OK' questions to ask a transgender person. It was short and would have been perfect for general information purposes here. Especially for visitors to this site.

After several hours of searching over the last week, I have been unable to locate this information. In its place, I am including, in another thread, text from Calpernia Addam's video "Bad Things to Ask a Transsexual".

Turns out, I still need to fine the text version. As a temporary fix, I have posted a link to the video here http://www.eunuch.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=13722

[mrt (imported)]

I still believe that what I do has to be for me alone. Any future decisions I make on surgery and other things will be for my benefit. Not choices made for someone else's happiness.

Thats the best advice I think anyone could give you. Never slide over to an operating table unless its for you!

When you write that paper about including GID surgery coverage I think one point that has to be made is that its "medical" not some kind of optional "fun" and I think if you approach it that way you will change their minds.

Is "sex" really needed? ie if you had a person who had prostate surgery and was impotent. How important would it be to have surgery to allow that person to have his sexual health "repaired"?

[Danya (imported)]

When you write that paper about including GID surgery coverage I think one point that has to be made is that its "medical" not some kind of optional "fun" and I think if you approach it that way you will change their minds.

Hey MrT,

This is exactly what I told human resources yesterday. GID (SRS, GRS - your preference) procedures are medical issues. I forwarded them four articles on the medical justification of coverage for GID-related expenses and an actuarial type analysis of the costs involved. Those turn out to be relatively low. A friend in HR told me weeks ago that childbirth expenses were much higher than those for MtF SRS.

I found the information on company time , but I figure this is an important company policy decision. I am assisting management in making wise choices.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

Is "sex" really needed? ie if you had a person who had prostate surgery and was impotent. How important would it be to have surgery to allow that person to have his sexual health "repaired"?

I know this quote isn't directly related to your earlier 'what's it feel like to be transsexual' type questions. I do want you to know that I have not forgotten to answer

What I have lacked is the time to respond. I will do that soon.

[mrt (imported)]

Hey MrT,

This is exactly what I told human resources yesterday. GID (SRS, GRS - your preference) procedures are medical issues. I forwarded them four articles on the medical justification of coverage for GID-related expenses and an actuarial type analysis of the costs involved. Those turn out to be relatively low. A friend in HR told me weeks ago that childbirth expenses were much higher than those for MtF SRS.

I found the information on company time , but I figure this is an important company policy decision. I am assisting management in making wise choices.

Hugs,

Danya

Ahh you hit on one question I did want to ask. Is it proper to call it SRS anymore? I know this was at one time the common way to describe the surgery but? GRS seems more general. I mean when I had my Orchiectomy and they put in the new bits if you might well call that surgery GRS? Minor point but want to keep on track with the current MO.

When I posted that message about sexual health it dawned on me that our Govmt types have a large group that wish to deny coverage of "Lifestyle" drugs such as Viagra, Levitra etc. Which both angers me AND makes me laugh. Are they saying the majority of Americans feel that sex is an optional lifestyle? And would they please prove it by going without for 5 or 6 years!?

Anyway, money is probably what they want to see and your correct. Coverage is low and part of the reason is that the condition is rare vs things like BP, Cholesterol, Heart, Pregnancy etc. In the long run their costs will be zilch so why make a big fuss and invite lawsuits for discrimination? Its a no brainer in my opinion. Cite the Medica suit if you can find info on it.

- T

[Danya (imported)]

Ahh you hit on one question I did want to ask. Is it proper to call it SRS anymore? I know this was at one time the common way to describe the surgery but? GRS seems more general. I mean when I had my Orchiectomy and they put in the new bits if you might well call that surgery GRS? Minor point but want to keep on track with the current MO.

I cannot see that there is general agreement, for MtF transsexuals (who are, after all, transgender) anyway, whether to refer to this surgery as SRS or GRS. Surgeon Marci Bowers uses both terms on her web site. Toby Meltzer, another top surgeon, uses SRS. GRS (gender reassignment surgery) conceivably could also describe procedures that do not involve the genitals but modify other parts of the body to produce a more gender congruent appearance. An example would be mastectomy in trans men.

Anyway, money is probably what they want to see and your correct. Coverage is low and part of the reason is that the condition is rare vs things like BP, Cholesterol, Heart, Pregnancy etc. In the long run their costs will be zilch so why make a big fuss and invite lawsuits for discrimination? Its a no brainer in my opinion. Cite the Medica suit if you can find info on it.

I suspect my company is at this point well aware of the Medica lawsuit. I already forwarded to HR the individual Medica policy coverage for GID, along with all the other documentation I described earlier. I do not think it would be wise for me to bring up 'lawsuit' in a discussion with upper management over this. They have been wonderfully supportive. I do not want to risk the good rapport I have by bringing up legal angles. We have several attorneys on staff and I have no doubt whatsoever that if they have not already been consulted on this, they will be.

I believe management is making a genuine effort to include GID coverage in the upcoming plan year. That does not mean that coverage is a foregone conclusion given today's economy. It seems there must be a justification for every penny spent. There are certainly corporate political issues as well.

Upper management may have a number of reasons for including trans health benefits. One may be the desire to avoid a potential lawsuit. I also feel certain that they have a business interest in presenting a public image that demonstrates an openess to diversity. Finally, I think there are those in management who genuinely want to be helpful by providing GID coverage.

[Danya (imported)]

Today was a bit strange and most of the reason is because I am overly tired. A good night's sleep will get things back to normal for tomorrow. There were times through the day when I felt whiny. I do not like whiny in myself so I need to get over that Somehow, I don't think I can blame PMS for this!

There were good points, too. I was flabbergasted when someone in what I will call extreme upper management greeted me with a very friendly smile and a nice word or two. This person always knew who I was before I transitioned and we would pass and say 'hi'. Today, though, I was walking through the lobby looking out the window and didn't realize he was nearby. He called out to me which caught me off guard. He was warm and outgoing with me in a way that had not happened before.

Today, I had on a nice dress, black nylons to compliment the black in the pattern of the outfit, and black heels. Then there were the garnets in the jewelry to compliment the red in the dress. I though I looked quite fetching! Actually, several kind people took pity on me and complimented me on how nice I looked. Seriously, one woman said "You always look so attractive". I feel fortunate that I am able to pass well.

After work, I did not want to go straight home and I needed some exercise. Macy's is also having a sale and I was hoping to find another dress for $4.99. So, I headed off to the mall and spent 1 1/2 hours at what I came to realize was 'strutting my stuff', if females can be said to do that.

I did not buy anything at the mall but I thoroughly enjoyed looking at terrific clothing at Macy's, Bloomingdales and Nordstrom. Even Nordstrom had some tops on sale for something like $12. Nothing that I really liked, though.

What I did like was the sound of my heels on hard flooring as it echoed off close walls I would pass at various points in the department stores. I later noticed I was able to get the same effect in some small shops like, well, jewelry stores. It was very nice to be called 'ma'am' in those shops. Keep in mind, though, I did not buy anything. Jewelry has been a serious temptation for me before. This evening, I simply enjoyed looking at all the glittering gems under the perfect lighting.

I have been feeing a little sad over my lost youth. Well, I haven't really lost it because I never experienced youth. Ah well, such is life.

When I ran across what appeared to be two underage children at Macy's though, a 'boy' and a 'girl', I was getting some tears. The scene was not getting to me because these seeming children were likely at least in there low 20s , driving home how much older I am. Rather it was the way they interacted that really touched me.

The young woman was looking at bathing suits with her male partner who was quite attractive, by the way, but that's not really my point. What touched me was the tenderness they clearly shared. Then after I had circled back to observe them some more, purely for scientific purposes you understand, the young woman had found a swim suit she seemed to like. Her young beau asked if she wanted him to buy it for her. I felt like shouting "Yes!" because what I was feeling was I wanted someone like that to be in my life. More specifically, at that instant only, I wanted this young man to buy me a bathing suit. Not just any bathing suit, either, but THAT one. Never mind that I would hardly fit in the skimpy outfit his sweetheart was showing him.

I would like someone in my life who knows me well, as I would know him. Quite clearly, this young man was not available. Seriously, if there ever is a man in my life he would be much closer to my own age. That is the way I would want it. There is a lot to be said for sharing a similar degree of life experiences.