Danya, good to see ya,
I often thought that if I was a woman I would stay home and play with my breasts all day. Men on the other hand, so to speak, want to stay home and play with something else all day.
What I am getting to is that it is revealing that your evolving transition shows you are really getting a grip on the true feelings of feminity, and that my sense that women would tend to do so was prescient.
Continued thanks for Danya's precious diary de la femme.
-NienNaziYahLittleNuts
P.S. I hope you continue to feel good -- in all ways.
Transitioning at work and in all of my life
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NaziNuts (imported)
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi NN,
Long time no 'see'.
Thanks for your observations and good wishes.
I feel extremely feminine, so it bugs me even more when a particular male colleague persists in referring to me as 'he'. For months, he didn't use any pronouns when talking about me. Until this last week. The next time this happens, I'll respond with something like 'who are you talking about?'.
I don't think he's doing this deliberately. He was very supportive
Hugs,
Danya
Long time no 'see'.
Thanks for your observations and good wishes.I feel extremely feminine, so it bugs me even more when a particular male colleague persists in referring to me as 'he'. For months, he didn't use any pronouns when talking about me. Until this last week. The next time this happens, I'll respond with something like 'who are you talking about?'.
I don't think he's doing this deliberately. He was very supportive
at the office. Nonetheless, eight months have passed since that day so it's past time he got this right.
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I already posted some comments about my visit on Erica Ann's 'Decision Made and Going for It' thread. Now I want to elaborate on what made this visit so wonderful. This was my first chance to meet Erica Ann and her spouse, Ellen.
My Friday trip started with the announcement that my flight to Chicago would be delayed 50 minutes. President Obama and his family were flying into Chicago, so the arrival Air Force One had thrown many other flights off schedule. I didn't waste the extra waiting time sitting around, however. This was my first flight since I transitioned to full- time living as a woman, and I was very excited. I spent much of my time at the airport walking the concourses (I wanted to be seen) , talking to merchants and smiling at children. In some ways, my time at the airport was similar to my first outing as Danya. That was several months before I transitioned, on a 2 1/2 hour outing at the Mall of Death (otherwise known as the Mall of America.) I had called a certain person here, who goes by the name Jesus, from the mall to share my excitement. For the first time, I felt like part of humanity rather than an observer. My airport experience was similar.
I love airports and flying. All kinds of adventures can await at oft-visited and new destinations. I was excited to get away from home and my stressful job for a few days.
Being on the plane as me, Danya, was wonderful. Everyone treated me well. The couple sitting next to me spoke German and I could understand part of what they were saying.
I had just gotten off the plane at O'Hare when Erica Ann called. She is such a sweetie! We confirmed that I would let her know what door I would exit from the United Airlines terminal.
I enjoyed the long walk from the gate to baggage claim. A long section of the concourse ceiling was festooned with glowing lights in all colors of the rainbow. I felt like a celebrity arriving in town.
Unbelievably, my luggage was waiting in baggage claim when I got there. United, and many other carriers, now charge $15 each way for a checked bag. I had wondered if this meant there was less chance of lost luggage. Probably not.
I exited the terminal and phoned Erica Ann. She pulled up shortly and we met for the first time! I could hardly believe this was happening. We've spoken many times on the phone and she has sent me photos. She had always claimed she looked better in person and I found that it's true! I thought she looked great in her photos, but they do not do her justice.
Erica Ann then treated me to a wonderful Italian dinner with drinks. We discussed our next stop, Hunters Night Club, a popular GLBT spot. Our waitress, Allison, is married and knew all about Hunters. She's been there before. She said her husband wouldn't mind her going because he would know she'd be 'safe' among the particular folks who frequent the club.
After dinner, Erica Ann and I stopped in the women's rest room where she shared some lip gloss with me. Did I mention how sweet she is?
Then we were off to Hunters. This is a terrific club. It is well-appointed with a modern interior, great lighting effects and a wonderful sound system. Then there were the 6 - 8 bartenders, all but one of them gay. Several were quite hunky.
We stayed at the bar quite late. It was a fascinating, fun place with quite a few transgender folks. Some were cross dressers, others transsexuals. Erica Ann, who seemed to know 3/4 of the people there, minimum, introduced me to a number of her friends.
Several times, I strolled over to the dance floor where I grooved to the pounding music as I admired the shirtless male dancers. I was still unwinding from a stressful work week.
Saturday morning, I was awakened by a phone call from Erica Ann. She seemed remarkably perky after our late night outing.
After I showered I discovered something truly awful.
I'd left some of the clothes I wanted to wear, half my makeup and one of my prescriptions at home! I never before have forgotten more than one thing on a trip. This was my first as Danya, though, and I learned a lesson. It takes more preparation, as a woman, to pack properly.
Erica Ann was very helpful when she heard the news. We stopped at Walgreens where I picked up the items I needed. Of course, nothing there could replace my missing clothes.:-\
Then we drove to her house, which she designed herself. Her educational background is in architecture. The house is beautiful, as I saw on the grand tour.
This was also my chance to meet Ellen. She is a remarkable woman who has gained a tremendous knowledge of transsexual women, their family issues and many other related things. This is not terribly surprising, since she is married to Erica Ann. What made her delightful, though, was her obvious love for Erica Ann for exactly the woman she is. It was a treat to watch the two of them interacting. They mesh very well.
Ellen also extended her caring attitude to me, quite freely and liberally. Ellen is an attractive woman, too.
After eating lunch at their home, we were off to downtown Chicago. Erica Ann drove with Ellen navigating. Chicago is one of my favorite cities. As soon as I was able to make out the skyline, I started to get excited. We went to the Adler Planetarium, where we saw a show and toured the facility. The view of downtown from the planetarium is stunning, and one I have appreciated before. The waters of Lake Michigan separated us from the lakeside parks, and beyond those the imposing towers of the city. Chicago is, literally, 'my kind of town.' I love very large cities.
After exiting the planetarium building, we drove into the heart of the city. We went by many buildings I have walked near on hikes through downtown Chicago. I saw many familiar things that got me even more excited. Like the huge Picasso sculpture in front of the civic center. No one can agree on what this artwork represents. Some say it looks like a horse, others a woman, yet others an angel. Kids are known to enjoy sliding down its base.
I knew the names of some of the buildings we passed. I've always been interested in architecture and Chicago has lots of great examples. Erica Ann added to the fun of our drive through downtown by explaining the architectural fine points behind the construction of many of the buildings. I was impressed, we had our own very knowledgeable tour guide right in the car!
Erica Ann and Ellen took me to Pizzeria Uno, the original one, where deep-dish pizza was invented in 1943. We had a wonderful meal. Only later did we find out that 30 minutes after we left the restaurant, the President and his family ate at another 3 blocks away.
After we made our way out of the city through very heavy traffic....wait, I forgot to mention that we passed even more buildings that I know. Like Marina City, the Water Tower (one of the few downtown structures to escape the Great Chicago Fire) and others. We traveled many streets I have been on before, like Michigan Avenue and Lakeshore Drive (earlier in the day).
So, we made it out of the city. As we were driving back, Erica Ann and Ellen discussed going to Hunters that evening. I was feeling exhausted and was about ready to say I would stay at my hotel and sleep. I would have been really disappointed, though, to miss Hunters again. We worked out an arrangement where I would have a chance to nap and drink plenty of coffee before they picked me up from my hotel.
When they called to be certain I wanted to go, I was ready for action. Off we all went to Hunters.
I had even more fun my second evening there. Now I was very relaxed. Unlike Friday evening, I danced. I had no more than two drinks when I went to the dance floor, so I wasn't heavily intoxicated. Nonetheless, I was quite uninhibited. I danced with men and women, and I was in fairly intimate contact with some. At times, I twirled light sticks as I danced. I never enjoyed dancing as a man. Saturday night I quite easily got into the mood and spirit of it all. I had a blast.
Once again, we were out very late. That was fine, though. I had a great time talking with Erica Ann and Ellen and some of their friends. It was really cool being among so many transgender folks, too.
One of Erica Ann's friends treated me to a martini. This same friend treated several of us to shots of a chocolate liqueur that was quite tasty.
When Erica Ann and Ellen dropped me at my hotel, I practically fell into bed. I was exhausted but slept very well.
Sunday was a bittersweet time. I was looking forward, at least a little (well, not all that much really!), to returning home. I had enjoyed my visit so much, particularly the chance to get to know Erica Ann and Ellen and have fun together, that I didn't want to leave.
I was feeling a little down when Erica Ann picked me up to drive me to O'Hare
I am incredibly fortunate to have had the chance to spend so much time with Erica Ann. She is a wonderful, caring woman. I am delighted to have her friendship.
Hugs to all,
Danya
My Friday trip started with the announcement that my flight to Chicago would be delayed 50 minutes. President Obama and his family were flying into Chicago, so the arrival Air Force One had thrown many other flights off schedule. I didn't waste the extra waiting time sitting around, however. This was my first flight since I transitioned to full- time living as a woman, and I was very excited. I spent much of my time at the airport walking the concourses (I wanted to be seen) , talking to merchants and smiling at children.
In some ways, my time at the airport was similar to my first outing as Danya. That was several months before I transitioned, on a 2 1/2 hour outing at the Mall of Death (otherwise known as the Mall of America.) I had called a certain person here, who goes by the name Jesus, from the mall to share my excitement. For the first time, I felt like part of humanity rather than an observer. My airport experience was similar.I love airports and flying. All kinds of adventures can await at oft-visited and new destinations. I was excited to get away from home and my stressful job for a few days.
Being on the plane as me, Danya, was wonderful. Everyone treated me well. The couple sitting next to me spoke German and I could understand part of what they were saying.
I had just gotten off the plane at O'Hare when Erica Ann called. She is such a sweetie! We confirmed that I would let her know what door I would exit from the United Airlines terminal.
I enjoyed the long walk from the gate to baggage claim. A long section of the concourse ceiling was festooned with glowing lights in all colors of the rainbow. I felt like a celebrity arriving in town.
Unbelievably, my luggage was waiting in baggage claim when I got there. United, and many other carriers, now charge $15 each way for a checked bag. I had wondered if this meant there was less chance of lost luggage. Probably not.
I exited the terminal and phoned Erica Ann. She pulled up shortly and we met for the first time! I could hardly believe this was happening. We've spoken many times on the phone and she has sent me photos. She had always claimed she looked better in person and I found that it's true! I thought she looked great in her photos, but they do not do her justice.
Erica Ann then treated me to a wonderful Italian dinner with drinks. We discussed our next stop, Hunters Night Club, a popular GLBT spot. Our waitress, Allison, is married and knew all about Hunters. She's been there before. She said her husband wouldn't mind her going because he would know she'd be 'safe' among the particular folks who frequent the club.
After dinner, Erica Ann and I stopped in the women's rest room where she shared some lip gloss with me. Did I mention how sweet she is?
Then we were off to Hunters. This is a terrific club. It is well-appointed with a modern interior, great lighting effects and a wonderful sound system. Then there were the 6 - 8 bartenders, all but one of them gay. Several were quite hunky.
We stayed at the bar quite late. It was a fascinating, fun place with quite a few transgender folks. Some were cross dressers, others transsexuals. Erica Ann, who seemed to know 3/4 of the people there, minimum, introduced me to a number of her friends.
Several times, I strolled over to the dance floor where I grooved to the pounding music as I admired the shirtless male dancers. I was still unwinding from a stressful work week.
Saturday morning, I was awakened by a phone call from Erica Ann. She seemed remarkably perky after our late night outing.
After I showered I discovered something truly awful.
I'd left some of the clothes I wanted to wear, half my makeup and one of my prescriptions at home! I never before have forgotten more than one thing on a trip. This was my first as Danya, though, and I learned a lesson. It takes more preparation, as a woman, to pack properly.Erica Ann was very helpful when she heard the news. We stopped at Walgreens where I picked up the items I needed. Of course, nothing there could replace my missing clothes.:-\
Then we drove to her house, which she designed herself. Her educational background is in architecture. The house is beautiful, as I saw on the grand tour.
This was also my chance to meet Ellen. She is a remarkable woman who has gained a tremendous knowledge of transsexual women, their family issues and many other related things. This is not terribly surprising, since she is married to Erica Ann.
What made her delightful, though, was her obvious love for Erica Ann for exactly the woman she is. It was a treat to watch the two of them interacting. They mesh very well.Ellen also extended her caring attitude to me, quite freely and liberally. Ellen is an attractive woman, too.
After eating lunch at their home, we were off to downtown Chicago. Erica Ann drove with Ellen navigating. Chicago is one of my favorite cities. As soon as I was able to make out the skyline, I started to get excited. We went to the Adler Planetarium, where we saw a show and toured the facility. The view of downtown from the planetarium is stunning, and one I have appreciated before. The waters of Lake Michigan separated us from the lakeside parks, and beyond those the imposing towers of the city. Chicago is, literally, 'my kind of town.' I love very large cities.
After exiting the planetarium building, we drove into the heart of the city. We went by many buildings I have walked near on hikes through downtown Chicago. I saw many familiar things that got me even more excited. Like the huge Picasso sculpture in front of the civic center. No one can agree on what this artwork represents. Some say it looks like a horse, others a woman, yet others an angel. Kids are known to enjoy sliding down its base.
I knew the names of some of the buildings we passed. I've always been interested in architecture and Chicago has lots of great examples. Erica Ann added to the fun of our drive through downtown by explaining the architectural fine points behind the construction of many of the buildings. I was impressed, we had our own very knowledgeable tour guide right in the car!
Erica Ann and Ellen took me to Pizzeria Uno, the original one, where deep-dish pizza was invented in 1943. We had a wonderful meal. Only later did we find out that 30 minutes after we left the restaurant, the President and his family ate at another 3 blocks away.
After we made our way out of the city through very heavy traffic....wait, I forgot to mention that we passed even more buildings that I know. Like Marina City, the Water Tower (one of the few downtown structures to escape the Great Chicago Fire) and others. We traveled many streets I have been on before, like Michigan Avenue and Lakeshore Drive (earlier in the day).
So, we made it out of the city. As we were driving back, Erica Ann and Ellen discussed going to Hunters that evening. I was feeling exhausted and was about ready to say I would stay at my hotel and sleep. I would have been really disappointed, though, to miss Hunters again. We worked out an arrangement where I would have a chance to nap and drink plenty of coffee before they picked me up from my hotel.
When they called to be certain I wanted to go, I was ready for action.
Off we all went to Hunters.I had even more fun my second evening there. Now I was very relaxed. Unlike Friday evening, I danced. I had no more than two drinks when I went to the dance floor, so I wasn't heavily intoxicated. Nonetheless, I was quite uninhibited. I danced with men and women, and I was in fairly intimate contact with some. At times, I twirled light sticks as I danced. I never enjoyed dancing as a man. Saturday night I quite easily got into the mood and spirit of it all. I had a blast.
Once again, we were out very late. That was fine, though. I had a great time talking with Erica Ann and Ellen and some of their friends. It was really cool being among so many transgender folks, too.
One of Erica Ann's friends treated me to a martini. This same friend treated several of us to shots of a chocolate liqueur that was quite tasty.
When Erica Ann and Ellen dropped me at my hotel, I practically fell into bed. I was exhausted but slept very well.
Sunday was a bittersweet time. I was looking forward, at least a little (well, not all that much really!), to returning home. I had enjoyed my visit so much, particularly the chance to get to know Erica Ann and Ellen and have fun together, that I didn't want to leave.
I was feeling a little down when Erica Ann picked me up to drive me to O'Hare
on the way.
I am incredibly fortunate to have had the chance to spend so much time with Erica Ann. She is a wonderful, caring woman. I am delighted to have her friendship.
Hugs to all,
Danya
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lilac (imported)
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Wow! I am so happy you got to go to meet Erica Ann and Ellen. 
You had a very busy and unforgetable weekend I see. That is so wonderful Danya. I would love to vist Hunters. Sounds like fun.
Can't wait to see you all again. Hopefully I can make it to Minn. We will see how things go by then.
Big Hugs, Lilac
You had a very busy and unforgetable weekend I see. That is so wonderful Danya. I would love to vist Hunters. Sounds like fun.
Can't wait to see you all again. Hopefully I can make it to Minn. We will see how things go by then.
Big Hugs, Lilac
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Lilac,
I'm flattered that you took the time to read my long post on my visit with Erica Ann and Ellen. It was truly a wonderful weekend. My life continues to get better in ways I never imagined. I am blessed by the many wonderful people who have entered my life.
It's good to hear from you, sweetie. I hope you make it out here again this year.
Hugs,
Danya
I'm flattered that you took the time to read my long post on my visit with Erica Ann and Ellen. It was truly a wonderful weekend. My life continues to get better in ways I never imagined. I am blessed by the many wonderful people who have entered my life.
It's good to hear from you, sweetie. I hope you make it out here again this year.
Hugs,
Danya
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paulault (imported)
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- Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2008 12:05 am
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya, i too read your post about your trip and bet both you and Erica Ann have many good memories that will last a lifetime, i try to read most of your posts because it inspires me to keep moving forward with my own transition, even though I'm not ft and probably won't be till next year, i do have the support of my stepfather and best friend who other than my doctors know about Paula so far. I am moving at a slower pace than i would like but I'm trying to make the transition as easy on others as i can in hopes of being better accepted. If my schedule permits i would love to attend a MOM and meet the many wonderful people on this board.
Paula.
Paula.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Paula,
I really appreciate your comments and I'm glad some of what I write helps you. As a friend on here has noted, helping others is one of the things that brings me much happiness.
It makes me happy to know you have some support, dear one. That makes a huge difference. I will respond more sometime Saturday. First, I need to come down from an incredible high.
I just received a powerful, supportive letter from two wonderful people I have known since I was in college. I have not felt this overwhelmed with emotions since I started my adventure. Some of you may know that's saying quite a lot. I need to take some time to write down, just for me, what this letter means.
Hugs,
Danya
Paula.
I really appreciate your comments and I'm glad some of what I write helps you. As a friend on here has noted, helping others is one of the things that brings me much happiness.
It makes me happy to know you have some support, dear one. That makes a huge difference. I will respond more sometime Saturday. First, I need to come down from an incredible high.
I just received a powerful, supportive letter from two wonderful people I have known since I was in college. I have not felt this overwhelmed with emotions since I started my adventure. Some of you may know that's saying quite a lot. I need to take some time to write down, just for me, what this letter means.
Hugs,
Danya
paulault (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:24 pm Danya, i too read your post about your trip and bet both you and Erica Ann have many good memories that will last a lifetime, i try to read most of your posts because it inspires me to keep moving forward with my own transition, even though I'm not ft and probably won't be till next year, i do have the support of my stepfather and best friend who other than my doctors know about Paula so far. I am moving at a slower pace than i would like but I'm trying to make the transition as easy on others as i can in hopes of being better accepted. If my schedule permits i would love to attend a MOM and meet the many wonderful people on this board.
Paula.
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
In today's mail, I received a wonderful letter of support from two friends I have known since my college days. Back then, the now retired minister husband was pastor of my home church.
He and his wife have stood by my through every phase of my life. From single bachelorhood, through my 20-year marriage and divorce, into my 'gay period' and finally today reaching out to me with incredible love and understanding on learning of my transsexuality.
I have not been this overwhelmed by my emotions since I transitioned to full-time last May. I have been sobbing, out of joy, since I opened their letter 20 minutes ago.
I may share parts of the letter here. For now, I need to type it out. My friend's writing is, in places, difficult to decipher.
He and his wife have stood by my through every phase of my life. From single bachelorhood, through my 20-year marriage and divorce, into my 'gay period' and finally today reaching out to me with incredible love and understanding on learning of my transsexuality.
I have not been this overwhelmed by my emotions since I transitioned to full-time last May. I have been sobbing, out of joy, since I opened their letter 20 minutes ago.
I may share parts of the letter here. For now, I need to type it out. My friend's writing is, in places, difficult to decipher.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I don't know what else to say, for now, other than at last I have the life I was meant to live. And it still seems an impossibility to me, someone who lived a partial existence for decades. I am certain few people who have known me over the years would recognize who I am now, and I am not referring to the physical changes.
For a time this evening, I tried to imagine how my life could possibly be any better. I have performed this mental exercise several times since my May, 2008 transition to who I am. I always concluded that I had reached the apex of happiness and that I could not remain in that state. Instead, new surprises in people, new friends, pleasures and the recognition of the many possibilities yet available to this 57 year old continue to confound my prediction.
My life is enriched by the people here, in an ongoing process that still surprises me in unexpected ways. My non-virtual existence is similarly expanding.
I will share just a few words of what my retired Lutheran pastor friend wrote to me, in the letter I received today. He was responding to the news of 'me' in my Christmas letter. I'll leave out the more personal parts.
He was sharing the joy he felt not only for me, but also for others who make their way, at last, to who they really are. Whatever that entails.
"Good! Good for you now. Good for all the others"
"Sprouting wings and taking off."
"May the impossible dream - surprises still, go on for you."
Hugs,
Danya
For a time this evening, I tried to imagine how my life could possibly be any better. I have performed this mental exercise several times since my May, 2008 transition to who I am. I always concluded that I had reached the apex of happiness and that I could not remain in that state. Instead, new surprises in people, new friends, pleasures and the recognition of the many possibilities yet available to this 57 year old continue to confound my prediction.
My life is enriched by the people here, in an ongoing process that still surprises me in unexpected ways. My non-virtual existence is similarly expanding.
I will share just a few words of what my retired Lutheran pastor friend wrote to me, in the letter I received today. He was responding to the news of 'me' in my Christmas letter. I'll leave out the more personal parts.
He was sharing the joy he felt not only for me, but also for others who make their way, at last, to who they really are. Whatever that entails.
"Good! Good for you now. Good for all the others"
"Sprouting wings and taking off."
"May the impossible dream - surprises still, go on for you."
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
...
Paula.
Hi Paula,
I wanted to make a few additional comments. Everyone's situation is unique and, while you may be going at a slower pace than you would wish, you know better than anyone what the right pace is for you. It's good that you are taking some time to ease the way for other people to accept the 'new' you. How long that takes depends in part on who these people are, where you live and where you work. Of course, there are few who are ever likely to be totally prepared when you transition to full-time. Perhaps I am naive or merely fortunate, but my experience tells me that there are people of good will everywhere who will be open to your real self. Some need more time than others. Still others will never be supportive but, as a friend here told me before I went full time, "not everyone likes you now and not everyone will after you transition." Turns out some who didn't like me before now greet me warmly and a very few who 'liked' me in the old days no longer do. On balance, I much prefer things the way they are today.
It would be terrific if you can attend a MoM, Paula. I hope we meet someday.
Hugs,
Danya
paulault (imported) wrote: Fri Feb 20, 2009 11:24 pm i do have the support of my stepfather and best friend who other than my doctors know about Paula so far. I am moving at a slower pace than i would like but I'm trying to make the transition as easy on others as i can in hopes of being better accepted. If my schedule permits i would love to attend a MOM and meet the many wonderful people on this board.
Paula.
Hi Paula,
I wanted to make a few additional comments. Everyone's situation is unique and, while you may be going at a slower pace than you would wish, you know better than anyone what the right pace is for you. It's good that you are taking some time to ease the way for other people to accept the 'new' you. How long that takes depends in part on who these people are, where you live and where you work. Of course, there are few who are ever likely to be totally prepared when you transition to full-time. Perhaps I am naive or merely fortunate, but my experience tells me that there are people of good will everywhere who will be open to your real self. Some need more time than others. Still others will never be supportive but, as a friend here told me before I went full time, "not everyone likes you now and not everyone will after you transition." Turns out some who didn't like me before now greet me warmly and a very few who 'liked' me in the old days no longer do. On balance, I much prefer things the way they are today.
It would be terrific if you can attend a MoM, Paula. I hope we meet someday.
Hugs,
Danya
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John (imported)
- Posts: 122
- Joined: Mon May 17, 2004 6:08 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Paula,
Danya
Hi Danya!
I couldn´t have said it better myself, i would be delighted to meet you someday!
Greetings
John
Danya (imported) wrote: Sun Feb 22, 2009 7:22 am It would be terrific if you can attend a MoM, Paula. I hope we meet someday.
Hugs,
Danya
Hi Danya!
I couldn´t have said it better myself, i would be delighted to meet you someday!
Greetings
John
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
John (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:50 am Hi Danya!
I couldn´t have said it better myself, i would be delighted to meet you someday!
Greetings
John
Hi John,
You have always been very kind. It would terrific to meet someday.
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I'm mostly venting this afternoon, while having some fun, so this post will be a more or less random collection of my thoughts and feelings. I am doing well, but I have too many things on my mind and too much to accomplish before the day ends. Just writing it out will help me de-stress.
Last week, I thought a coworker might be speaking about me in an inappropriate, "HR moment", fashion. I wasn't positive, though, so I waited to see how things settled out. Our resident 'straight old geezer' (his self-description, not mine), Jesus, offered his views on the situation. What happened was likely the result of cultural differences, gender stereotypes and, possibly, racial tensions. Jesus, whose advice I have come to trust, concluded that what went on likely had nothing to do with my being transsexual. I agreed.
[Aside: I do not view our resident scholar and friend, Jesus, as an 'old geezer' by any stretch of my imagination, although I have good reason to suspect he is indeed straight! How he defines himself is, of course, entirely his privilege and right.]
Jesus asked "How much are you into 'gender stereotypes'??". As my new life continues to unfold, a process that at times seems entirely outside my control (like, I'm just along for the ride!), I find that in some ways I am very much into gender stereotypes. Particularly feminine stereotypes, as it happens. What he suggested is that I bake a batch of cookies to share with coworkers this week. This would help smooth the waters, presumably. I told him that, the day before, I had already announced I would bring in brownies tomorrow.
Ah, this feminine stereotype stuff is something I find myself falling into more naturally as time goes by. I am entirely comfortable with most parts of the stereotype. To clarify, however, I will not tolerate being called a bimbo, airhead or similar slurs. Nor do I wish to be thought helpless (unless that should work to my advantage!). I do not mind the occasional lecherous look.
The work week was winding down late Friday afternoon when I stopped to speak with one of the receptionists. We had a very nice chat. I'm not sure how it came up, but she mentioned something other coworkers have stated over the last nine months. I am always well-dressed and look attractive at work. I fear (not really), my desire to dress well is one aspect of my embrace of the feminine stereotype, or at least my interpretation of it.
The fact is, and this is not merely my own view, I am often one of the best dressed women at work. There are quite a few of us. I am starting to feel a little pressure to keep up my 'image' of being, if not a fashion trendsetter, at least a paragon of good taste.
To that end, this afternoon I went on the hunt for a nice (reasonably priced) pair of brown heels of at least 3 1/2" altitude. I have two very nice pairs of black heels but I've been totally delinquent in acquiring brown shoes. I just had to end that today.
Besides, I don't have a single brown skirt!
I have several nice black ones.
So I drove all the way to the "Mall of Death", as the Mall of America is quaintly (if not affectionately) known to several out-of-staters, figuring that somewhere in those hundreds of stores I could find the shoes and skirts I wanted. Boy, I mean Girl, was I wrong! I spent four hours in twelve stores at the mall and didn't find what I 'needed'. I know exactly what styles I like and no one had those.
Then I left the mall and stopped at both Target and JCPenney, where my luck turned to the better, at least a bit. I found brown heels that nearly matched what I wanted. Close enough. Still didn't find any brown skirts, at least not any I would wear. I have no desire to be seen in a skirt that makes me look like I'm wearing an inverted, partially open tulip bud. Additional time spent at the two stores: 1 1/2 hours!
Under abnormal circumstances, like those times when I don't have much in the way of other things to accomplish, shopping is fun. No matter how busy I am, I can find up to two hours of shopping relaxing, even if I buy nothing. Five-and-a-half hours is too much of a good thing.
Then there was the very serious issue of what nail polish color(s) to purchase. Nearly as important is the brand, I prefer L'Oreal. Whether or not 'I'm worth it', of the brands I've tried L'Oreal wears the best with minimal chipping over one week's time.
I couldn't find the shades I wanted by L'Oreal. Those were available from Revlon, however. I will try one tonight, hoping that it wears well.
Last weekend, when I was visiting Erica Ann and Ellen, Erica Ann in her feminine wisdom pointed out that I needed a shorter, (much shorter), 'club length' skirt if I wanted to attract the attention of men. I agree with her and I looked for just such a skirt today but couldn't find one. :-\ I haven't given up, though.
To make the weekend more interesting, I found the I missed going to Hunters with Erica Ann. I missed having a friend to go out on the town with.
What did I do instead? I went to a Mardi Gras dinner, at the invitation of my sweet friend 'J'. This might sound like tremendous fun but it turned out to be no more than moderately amusing. It was a benefit dinner held at 'J's' Lutheran Church.
To be serious for a moment, the people at this church treated me very well and I doubt any picked up that I am trans. I had interesting conversations with a few of the women. There was a live Dixieland trio, a very talented group. I had a good time. One of the families sitting at our dinner table had an adopted son, from Romania, who is 13 years, 11 1/2 months old as he proudly asserts. Although I have no doubt he is not always as sweet and well-behaved as he was last night, I found myself wishing I had a child of my own - for
The church also has a large pipe organ. 'J' had no problem bragging about my playing. Late in the evening, I was offered the key to the church with the opportunity to practice whenever I want. This has some potential of leading to substitute work and possibly more.
'J' is an excellent sax player, although I once found her sax octet group's rendition of Bach's "Prelude and Fugue in G-minor" almost sacrilegious (totally kidding, nearly so anyway!). I prefer this piece played on the organ,as it was written. Her group did a very good job with it.
'J' and I also discussed doing some piano (me)/sax (her) duets. I would really enjoy this.
Anyway, while all of this church stuff was fine, it somehow didn't match what I had experienced last weekend with Erica Ann at Hunters.
I made some interesting observations on gender, specifically my own feminine one, this week. And I discussed these with my gender therapist Thursday. I don't want to shock any of you, but sometimes I am naked and even look at myself in the mirror sans clothing. This is most likely to happen right after I get out of the shower.
The problem with this is, my developing breasts (boobs, if you prefer - I don't think they're quite at 'knocker' stage) increase my discomfort with the male appendages that hang you know where. I'm not at all happy about this situation; 'they' just don't belong on me. My therapist's comment that my feeling was quite typical was not much comfort. I will absolutely acquire the money, somehow, to get GRS.
Perhaps my top achievement this weekend was doing no more than 90 minutes of office work from home. Considering the way most of my weekends and evenings have been, this was a big deal. It made me very happy.
Last week, I thought a coworker might be speaking about me in an inappropriate, "HR moment", fashion. I wasn't positive, though, so I waited to see how things settled out. Our resident 'straight old geezer' (his self-description, not mine), Jesus, offered his views on the situation. What happened was likely the result of cultural differences, gender stereotypes and, possibly, racial tensions. Jesus, whose advice I have come to trust, concluded that what went on likely had nothing to do with my being transsexual. I agreed.
[Aside: I do not view our resident scholar and friend, Jesus, as an 'old geezer' by any stretch of my imagination, although I have good reason to suspect he is indeed straight!
How he defines himself is, of course, entirely his privilege and right.]Jesus asked "How much are you into 'gender stereotypes'??". As my new life continues to unfold, a process that at times seems entirely outside my control (like, I'm just along for the ride!), I find that in some ways I am very much into gender stereotypes. Particularly feminine stereotypes, as it happens. What he suggested is that I bake a batch of cookies to share with coworkers this week. This would help smooth the waters, presumably. I told him that, the day before, I had already announced I would bring in brownies tomorrow.
Ah, this feminine stereotype stuff is something I find myself falling into more naturally as time goes by. I am entirely comfortable with most parts of the stereotype. To clarify, however, I will not tolerate being called a bimbo, airhead or similar slurs. Nor do I wish to be thought helpless (unless that should work to my advantage!). I do not mind the occasional lecherous look.
The work week was winding down late Friday afternoon when I stopped to speak with one of the receptionists. We had a very nice chat. I'm not sure how it came up, but she mentioned something other coworkers have stated over the last nine months. I am always well-dressed and look attractive at work. I fear (not really), my desire to dress well is one aspect of my embrace of the feminine stereotype, or at least my interpretation of it.
The fact is, and this is not merely my own view, I am often one of the best dressed women at work. There are quite a few of us. I am starting to feel a little pressure to keep up my 'image' of being, if not a fashion trendsetter, at least a paragon of good taste.
To that end, this afternoon I went on the hunt for a nice (reasonably priced) pair of brown heels of at least 3 1/2" altitude.
I have two very nice pairs of black heels but I've been totally delinquent in acquiring brown shoes. I just had to end that today.Besides, I don't have a single brown skirt!
I have several nice black ones.So I drove all the way to the "Mall of Death", as the Mall of America is quaintly (if not affectionately) known to several out-of-staters, figuring that somewhere in those hundreds of stores I could find the shoes and skirts I wanted. Boy, I mean Girl, was I wrong! I spent four hours in twelve stores at the mall and didn't find what I 'needed'. I know exactly what styles I like and no one had those.
Then I left the mall and stopped at both Target and JCPenney, where my luck turned to the better, at least a bit. I found brown heels that nearly matched what I wanted. Close enough. Still didn't find any brown skirts, at least not any I would wear. I have no desire to be seen in a skirt that makes me look like I'm wearing an inverted, partially open tulip bud. Additional time spent at the two stores: 1 1/2 hours!
Under abnormal circumstances, like those times when I don't have much in the way of other things to accomplish, shopping is fun. No matter how busy I am, I can find up to two hours of shopping relaxing, even if I buy nothing. Five-and-a-half hours is too much of a good thing.
Then there was the very serious issue of what nail polish color(s) to purchase. Nearly as important is the brand, I prefer L'Oreal. Whether or not 'I'm worth it', of the brands I've tried L'Oreal wears the best with minimal chipping over one week's time.
I couldn't find the shades I wanted by L'Oreal. Those were available from Revlon, however. I will try one tonight, hoping that it wears well.
Last weekend, when I was visiting Erica Ann and Ellen, Erica Ann in her feminine wisdom pointed out that I needed a shorter, (much shorter), 'club length' skirt if I wanted to attract the attention of men. I agree with her and I looked for just such a skirt today but couldn't find one. :-\ I haven't given up, though.
To make the weekend more interesting, I found the I missed going to Hunters with Erica Ann. I missed having a friend to go out on the town with.
What did I do instead? I went to a Mardi Gras dinner, at the invitation of my sweet friend 'J'. This might sound like tremendous fun but it turned out to be no more than moderately amusing. It was a benefit dinner held at 'J's' Lutheran Church.
To be serious for a moment, the people at this church treated me very well and I doubt any picked up that I am trans. I had interesting conversations with a few of the women. There was a live Dixieland trio, a very talented group. I had a good time. One of the families sitting at our dinner table had an adopted son, from Romania, who is 13 years, 11 1/2 months old as he proudly asserts. Although I have no doubt he is not always as sweet and well-behaved as he was last night, I found myself wishing I had a child of my own - for
The church also has a large pipe organ. 'J' had no problem bragging about my playing. Late in the evening, I was offered the key to the church with the opportunity to practice whenever I want. This has some potential of leading to substitute work and possibly more.
'J' is an excellent sax player, although I once found her sax octet group's rendition of Bach's "Prelude and Fugue in G-minor" almost sacrilegious (totally kidding, nearly so anyway!). I prefer this piece played on the organ,as it was written. Her group did a very good job with it.
'J' and I also discussed doing some piano (me)/sax (her) duets. I would really enjoy this.
Anyway, while all of this church stuff was fine, it somehow didn't match what I had experienced last weekend with Erica Ann at Hunters.
I made some interesting observations on gender, specifically my own feminine one, this week. And I discussed these with my gender therapist Thursday. I don't want to shock any of you, but sometimes I am naked and even look at myself in the mirror sans clothing.
This is most likely to happen right after I get out of the shower.The problem with this is, my developing breasts (boobs, if you prefer - I don't think they're quite at 'knocker' stage) increase my discomfort with the male appendages that hang you know where. I'm not at all happy about this situation; 'they' just don't belong on me. My therapist's comment that my feeling was quite typical was not much comfort. I will absolutely acquire the money, somehow, to get GRS.
Perhaps my top achievement this weekend was doing no more than 90 minutes of office work from home. Considering the way most of my weekends and evenings have been, this was a big deal. It made me very happy.
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twaddler (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Instead of cookies I'd go with some currant and cherry tarts. Those never miss.
Those never miss.-
Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
twaddler (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 23, 2009 10:29 am Instead of cookies I'd go with some currant and cherry tarts.
Hi postatracura,
Good to hear from you! I already had the brownies baking when I saw your note. They did the trick.
The currant and cherry tarts sound scrumptious, though. My grandmother made a wonderful currant pie. I don't see many recipes these days that call for currants.
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
...
I sent the essay I posted yesterday to a friend not familiar with the Archive or anyone on it. She knows nothing about EA and I did not tell her where I wrote this. I did not include names, not even screen names.
What I wanted was to share part of my week's experience with her, a trans woman I respect. She lives overseas. How we came to know each other is unimportant.
She did me a large favor, for which I am thankful, when she responded. She enjoyed most of what I wrote. In referring to the paragraph I quoted here, though, she wrote something like "Why on earth would you want to write something like that?" She concluded, with justification, that I was boasting.
Whether or not it was clear to readers here that I was writing at least partly tongue-in-cheek, I don't want to risk giving others an inaccurate view of who I am, or at least of what really matters to me.
There are several reasons why I trust what she tells me. She knows what she is speaking of, for one thing, having survived the trials of a second puberty. Beyond that, she is very honest with me. She has no problem in telling me what she likes about me and what I write. At the same time, she rather quickly has come to understand that certain things I say don't seem to quite fit into her overall view of who I am. I just happen to agree with her, completely, particularly in this example.
I wrote back explaining that part of my "problem" is that I a
Hugs,
Danya
Danya (imported) wrote: Mon Feb 23, 2009 9:21 am The fact is, and this is not merely my own view, I am often one of the best dressed women at work. There are quite a few of us. I am starting to feel a little pressure to keep up my 'image' of being, if not a fashion trendsetter, at least a paragon of good taste....
I sent the essay I posted yesterday to a friend not familiar with the Archive or anyone on it. She knows nothing about EA and I did not tell her where I wrote this. I did not include names, not even screen names.
What I wanted was to share part of my week's experience with her, a trans woman I respect. She lives overseas. How we came to know each other is unimportant.
She did me a large favor, for which I am thankful, when she responded. She enjoyed most of what I wrote. In referring to the paragraph I quoted here, though, she wrote something like "Why on earth would you want to write something like that?" She concluded, with justification, that I was boasting.
Whether or not it was clear to readers here that I was writing at least partly tongue-in-cheek, I don't want to risk giving others an inaccurate view of who I am, or at least of what really matters to me.
There are several reasons why I trust what she tells me. She knows what she is speaking of, for one thing, having survived the trials of a second puberty. Beyond that, she is very honest with me. She has no problem in telling me what she likes about me and what I write. At the same time, she rather quickly has come to understand that certain things I say don't seem to quite fit into her overall view of who I am. I just happen to agree with her, completely, particularly in this example.
I wrote back explaining that part of my "problem" is that I a
e often exuberant emotions of second puberty. I believe this, but that fact is I have lived for 57 years. I need to cede some control back to my intellect. If I don't, I may become someone I really don't like and hurt others in the process. That is not something I have any desire to do.
Hugs,
Danya
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paulault (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I know what you mean about gender stereotype things, a friend invited me to watch the superbowl at her house, she invited her mother and three cousins, she was obsessing , she does that allot, of what to have with her chili, i offered to make cornbread. Growing up my mother and i lived with my grand parents and i loved to help my grandmother cook, so as you can imagine i learned how to cook, bake and picked up lots of tricks, yes even back then i knew i should have been born a girl. Well the cornbread turned out wonderful and everyone raved about it. She didn't know about me at the time but does now and is very accepting.
Ah the mall of death, i was there a few years back and you could spend days there and not see everything, a few friends and i spent an evening there, not enough time to really do any shopping but we had a good time and the food there was really good, it's like that if you don't have to make it yourself.
For months i dreaded telling my stepfather about me because i didn't think he would accept, after all he's 89 years old and pretty religious, well when i told him and explained things he said it answered lots of questions he had. He is Luthern and seems they are pretty understanding.
I'm not FT yet but i love wearing nail polish so i wear clear all the time and color when i can be Paula for a day or evening. I started using a base coat then a couple coats of polish, this seems to help it from chipping. Now if i could only grow my nails without them breaking or cracking, oh well when i go FT there always acrylics.
My emotions like yours are sometimes all over the place happy most all of the time then in an instant it seems i will read something and tears will be running down my face, as him i would never allow that to happen.
I'm finally seeing an Endo and am officially on my way.
Danya, i love reading what you write and wish i could write half as good as you do.
Paula.
Ah the mall of death, i was there a few years back and you could spend days there and not see everything, a few friends and i spent an evening there, not enough time to really do any shopping but we had a good time and the food there was really good, it's like that if you don't have to make it yourself.
For months i dreaded telling my stepfather about me because i didn't think he would accept, after all he's 89 years old and pretty religious, well when i told him and explained things he said it answered lots of questions he had. He is Luthern and seems they are pretty understanding.
I'm not FT yet but i love wearing nail polish so i wear clear all the time and color when i can be Paula for a day or evening. I started using a base coat then a couple coats of polish, this seems to help it from chipping. Now if i could only grow my nails without them breaking or cracking, oh well when i go FT there always acrylics.
My emotions like yours are sometimes all over the place happy most all of the time then in an instant it seems i will read something and tears will be running down my face, as him i would never allow that to happen.
I'm finally seeing an Endo and am officially on my way.
Danya, i love reading what you write and wish i could write half as good as you do.
Paula.
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mrt (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I hope your not being more woman then women ahh are? Ok, even I don't understand what I just said. But I have to give you kudos for if the ladies at work are impressed? Heck you just have to be doing something right! ANd for what its worth I've always thought of you as female from the day I met you and I don't think you have a THING to worry about.
*But congrats on the breast growth! Now, if I could just give you some of MINE!!!
As to the viewing yourself in the buff and being upset. I don't know what your therapist said but my patients side of things is that you really might want to ponder not torturing yourself with the present reality. Or to put it another way. You have a medical condition that takes a while to be resolved and this is just that step in between that needs to be done to get to where you need to be. Think of this as a case of low hanging defective ovaries.
And of course keep your undies on and work on that Insurance angle and save up the pennies! By the way how goes the Insurance efforts? I think a lot of people would benefit from what your trying to do there assuming you succeed. *And I think you will!!!
Ok, even I don't understand what I just said. But I have to give you kudos for if the ladies at work are impressed? Heck you just have to be doing something right! ANd for what its worth I've always thought of you as female from the day I met you and I don't think you have a THING to worry about.*But congrats on the breast growth! Now, if I could just give you some of MINE!!!
As to the viewing yourself in the buff and being upset. I don't know what your therapist said but my patients side of things is that you really might want to ponder not torturing yourself with the present reality. Or to put it another way. You have a medical condition that takes a while to be resolved and this is just that step in between that needs to be done to get to where you need to be. Think of this as a case of low hanging defective ovaries.
And of course keep your undies on and work on that Insurance angle and save up the pennies! By the way how goes the Insurance efforts? I think a lot of people would benefit from what your trying to do there assuming you succeed. *And I think you will!!!
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm I know what you mean about gender stereotype things, a friend invited me to watch the superbowl at her house, she invited her mother and three cousins, she was obsessing , she does that allot, of what to have with her chili, i offered to make cornbread. Growing up my mother and i lived with my grand parents and i loved to help my grandmother cook, so as you can imagine i learned how to cook, bake and picked up lots of tricks, yes even back then i knew i should have been born a girl. Well the cornbread turned out wonderful and everyone raved about it. She didn't know about me at the time but does now and is very accepting.
Hi Paula,
You are such a sweetheart. Some of what you have written helps me clarify my own thinking. Some time ago, I had a thread here with a title something like "Who Am I?". Since then I have found myself, but I am still making sense of some of the pieces that have contributed to the woman I am. I don't have to understand all of these things. I have no doubt I am female. I guess it's the scientist side of me that still drives me to understand.
When I was a child, I loved to cook. My mother seldom let me, however. She wasn't a good cook at all, but she tried. My father's mother was a superb cook and baker.
When we had guests or were visiting relatives, I always wanted to spend time with the women. I just never felt comfortable with the adult men, or the boys for that matter.
I'm glad your friend accepts you for who you really are, Paula. Life can be very difficult when we have to hide from everyone.
paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm Ah the mall of death, i was there a few years back and you could spend days there and not see everything, a few friends and i spent an evening there, not enough time to really do any shopping but we had a good time and the food there was really good, it's like that if you don't have to make it yourself.
I enjoy the Mall of Death for periods of up to 2 hours at a time.
There is a lot to see. What's is often more important to me is that it's a warm place to walk during our long, cold winters. I usually enjoy having crowds of people around, too. This wasn't always the case, but now I enjoy watching people and how they interact. I even talk with them now. This is new to me since last May.paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm For months i dreaded telling my stepfather about me because i didn't think he would accept, after all he's 89 years old and pretty religious, well when i told him and explained things he said it answered lots of questions he had. He is Luthern and seems they are pretty understanding.
Your stepfather sounds kind, Paula, and for an 89-year-old I find his acceptance of you very encouraging. Many people acquire wisdom as they age, although your stepfather may have always tended towards acceptance of differences.
There are different 'branches' of Lutheranism, as you may know. While I am sure there are accepting people in all of these groups, some are generally more welcoming than others.
paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm I'm not FT yet but i love wearing nail polish so i wear clear all the time and color when i can be Paula for a day or evening. I started using a base coat then a couple coats of polish, this seems to help it from chipping. Now if i could only grow my nails without them breaking or cracking, oh well when i go FT there always acrylics.
Good for you, using clear nail polish and sometimes polish with color. That's something I never did before I went full-time as me, although I went out a fair amount. Since my 'big day' last May, I don't think there has been a single day I've gone out without polish.
I love having longer nails. Unfortunately, I found that I need to keep them short. Longer nails make it difficult for me to play the piano.
paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm My emotions like yours are sometimes all over the place happy most all of the time then in an instant it seems i will read something and tears will be running down my face, as him i would never allow that to happen.
Yes
although I am generally very happy. Even when the tears strike, it's likely because I've witnessed a tender moment between lovers or a parent and child. Or I could be watching a
finally seeing an Endo and am officially on my way.paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm movie, especially a romance, and I need extra Kleenex.
I'm
Congr
nd wish i could write half as good as you do.paulault (imported) wrote: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:24 pm atulations! I imagine you are very excited right now.
Danya, i love reading what you write a
Paula.
I appreciate your comments. I find that my writing has improved since I set myself free. There was a time when I thought the only effective writing I could do was technical type things.
Thank you, Paula, for taking so much time to share your own story. I feel happy for you.
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I want to thank the administrators of the Archive for setting aside this space: "Transitions: Continuing Life Stories". While I have always enjoyed posting on EA, I feel more freedom in this new forum.
In late October, I started building my own web site. I have used it to describe my life and, I also hoped, to provide encouragement to others considering transitioning or already on their way.
For the last few weeks, I have considered abadoning that project for several reasons. Yesterday, I have decided to do just that, but I would not have made this decision before the existence of this specific forum for Life Stories.
At a later time, I may discuss my reasons for closing my own site. This wasn't an easy decision, in part because it has been getting more visitors each month. I got input from several people I trust (among them Jesus, Erica Ann, a foreign friend and others). Not everyone had similar advice but I appreciated everyone's thoughts.
For now, I will leave it at this. I feel I can accomplish nearly as much right here as with my own web site.
In late October, I started building my own web site. I have used it to describe my life and, I also hoped, to provide encouragement to others considering transitioning or already on their way.
For the last few weeks, I have considered abadoning that project for several reasons. Yesterday, I have decided to do just that, but I would not have made this decision before the existence of this specific forum for Life Stories.
At a later time, I may discuss my reasons for closing my own site. This wasn't an easy decision, in part because it has been getting more visitors each month. I got input from several people I trust (among them Jesus, Erica Ann, a foreign friend and others). Not everyone had similar advice but I appreciated everyone's thoughts.
For now, I will leave it at this. I feel I can accomplish nearly as much right here as with my own web site.
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Danya (imported)
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:42 am I hope your not being more woman then women ahh are?
Greetings, MrT
I am fortunate in that I pass well. I am still surprised, though, when one of my female coworkers compliments me on my appearance and presentation. It's been 9 months since I went full-time, after all. I am blessed with coworkers who are overwhelmingly supportive.
Thanks for your sweet comments!
mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:42 am *But congrats on the breast growth! Now, if I could just give you some of MINE!!!
Perhaps we could arrange a trade of certain, ah, body parts.
mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:42 am As to the viewing yourself in the buff and being upset. I don't know what your therapist said but my patients side of things is that you really might want to ponder not torturing yourself with the present reality. Or to put it another way. You have a medical condition that takes a while to be resolved and this is just that step in between that needs to be done to get to where you need to be. Think of this as a case of low hanging defective ovaries.
Although I'm not happy when I see myself naked, with those boy-parts that just don't seem to want to drop off, I'm not losing my cool over it. Not yet, anyway!
I usually cope by refusing to look very low. At least not for long.I agree, this is an in-between stage. I like that: "low hanging defective ovaries!"
mrt (imported) wrote: Wed Feb 25, 2009 1:42 am And of course keep your undies on and work on that Insurance angle and save up the pennies! By the way how goes the Insurance efforts? I think a lot of people would benefit from what your trying to do there assuming you succeed. *And I think you will!!!
For whatever reason, I have total confidence that I will achieve my goal of GRS. It's all a matter of when.
My company may be covering GRS this year. Whether or not that's true, I still need to come up with the costs myself for later reimbursement.
Certainly, I will be delighted if my company now provides this coverage. You may recall that they were looking into ending its exclusion practically as soon as I announced I would transition!
The last several months have been a difficult period, though, both for our HR department and my coworkers. With layoffs and other cutbacks, I decided this is not the best time to be pestering HR about GRS coverage. I will check with HR once things have settled a bit.
Thanks for writing!
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Two things happened Wednesday at the office that are rare, now that 9 [quote="Danya (imp
[/quote]
A consultant was in to work on a system upgrade. I have some responsibility in this area. The consultant, "K", and about five others from his company had known me in my former life for six months. A week or two before I went full-time, my boss took them aside to tell them what was about to happen. They were all very supportive and a bit curious, too. That's normal.
I want to point out that my employer later sent formal letters to all vendors I work with, including these consultants. It was important that the company make their position clear: they were totally behind what I was about to do and they expected everyone to treat me with respect.
"K" is very funny and we have always gotten along well. He's a rough-and-tumble sort who is very friendly. He also likes to issue challenges. About a year ago, he and some of his colleagues took my boss and me to dinner. "K" insisted he was a huge fan of hot, spicy food. When he saw the restaurant offered 'extremely hot' chicken wings, he bragged that he could eat more of these than anyone else. The contest was on but he gave up before either my boss or me. I came to love hot, spicy food when I lived in Louisiana.
When he arrived yesterday, I noticed his right wrist was wrapped. I asked him what happened. I wasn't surprised when he said "I was in a snow mobile accident." "K" had been thrown from the vehicle. He hurt his wrist and he had a slight concussion!
There were several things going on during this conversation. Although I didn't notice it immediately, I was flirting with him, just a bit. My former 'male' self wouldn't have known how to flirt to save my life. It didn't matter that I had read all kinds of books on the art of flirting. I just couldn't flirt! Now, it comes naturally, without conscious thought.
As we continued speaking, I took his wrist in my hand to examine it. This came naturally, too, and he did not object. I expressed my concern and also asked if he had been wearing a helmet. He had, but I still gave him a very short 'talk' on why he needed to wear one at all times.
All of this went very smoothly. I was on automatic pilot.
We ended our conversation. A few minutes later he asked me for something, saying my former male name. I did not get upset, but simply stated my new name. He apologized immediately, and profusely, correcting himself. I have no doubt that this was an honest mistake. The last few times he has stopped by, he's told me how terrific I look.
I still teased him about his mistake later in the day, asking if "we needed to deal with our 'problem' in the back alley." He knew right away what I meant and I realized I was flirting again. He responded that he'd be an easy target with his concussion.
Late in the afternoon, I was speaking with one of the main lobby receptionists, complaining about the shoddy construction of women's clothing. We've always gotten on well. From my first day at work as Danya, she has called me by my new name or referred to me as 'ma'am'. I could do without the latter, but she is polite.
Yesterday, though, in front of another coworker she twice referred to me as 'he'. Keep in mind that nine months have passed since I became Danya at the office. After the second 'he', I quietly corrected her. All I said was 'she, please.'
I thought she was going to faint on the spot. She was very apologetic and went on about how inappropriate 'he' was. I said it wasn't that big a deal (although I was surprised). She responded that it was very important and her use of 'he' was inexcusable. She was really worked up over this. I continued to speak calmly and reassured her things were fine.
I understand that, for people who knew me in my old 'male' life, there may be moments when they lapse into old habits. It's human nature.
A group of the 'girls' from the office was going to a nearby bar after work yesterday. One was leaving the company for a new position.
Many months ago, I wrote about my first time feeling 'at home' and at ease in a group. That was when I was one of a group of women coworkers at this same bar. Although I had not yet transitioned, they knew that was coming in a month or so. I had always felt uncomfortable in a group of men and I still do. It's not that I don't like men, just that I cannot fit in as male. I can easily speak with one or two mean and feel comfortable. In larger men's groups, the unspoken yet powerful male bonding tends to exclude those are not male.
Last night I felt so relaxed with these women. This was a much larger group than my first experience and it was more revealing. There was a lot of talk about 'girl stuff.' Everything from dating in high school on, meeting future husbands, dealing with children and careers, playing cribbage and poker, singing and on and on.
I enjoyed listening in but I could not participate because I had never experienced what they had. Even their experiences with poker seemed tinted with a woman's view point. This is the first time it really hit me. I have missed so much in my life because I was born in the wrong body. What I missed, really, was most of a life.
Don't get me wrong. I am not bemoaning my situation. I was pleasantly surprised by how easily I related to typical women's experiences. I understood where they were coming from. As a man, I never 'got' the reality of men.
There are advantages to being transsexual that are not open to most people. I'm not convinced of the reality of some 'gifts' other TS women have expressed. Some claim that, on average, we are more creative, for instance. Perhaps. If this were true, would it really matter? I don't think so.
As for me, one gift of my transsexuality is the unique perspective it gives me on people. Few can say they have experienced life as both a man and a woman. Few would want to be able to claim this. Nonetheless, I view this as a blessing. To top it all off, I am finally home. I get to be my true self at last.
This is not, perhaps, different from the experience of many transgender people of all types. We can define outselves in entirely new ways.
passed since I transitioned to full-time living as a woman.
[/quote]
A consultant was in to work on a system upgrade. I have some responsibility in this area. The consultant, "K", and about five others from his company had known me in my former life for six months. A week or two before I went full-time, my boss took them aside to tell them what was about to happen. They were all very supportive and a bit curious, too. That's normal.
I want to point out that my employer later sent formal letters to all vendors I work with, including these consultants. It was important that the company make their position clear: they were totally behind what I was about to do and they expected everyone to treat me with respect.
"K" is very funny and we have always gotten along well. He's a rough-and-tumble sort who is very friendly. He also likes to issue challenges. About a year ago, he and some of his colleagues took my boss and me to dinner. "K" insisted he was a huge fan of hot, spicy food. When he saw the restaurant offered 'extremely hot' chicken wings, he bragged that he could eat more of these than anyone else. The contest was on but he gave up before either my boss or me. I came to love hot, spicy food when I lived in Louisiana.
When he arrived yesterday, I noticed his right wrist was wrapped. I asked him what happened. I wasn't surprised when he said "I was in a snow mobile accident." "K" had been thrown from the vehicle. He hurt his wrist and he had a slight concussion!
There were several things going on during this conversation. Although I didn't notice it immediately, I was flirting with him, just a bit. My former 'male' self wouldn't have known how to flirt to save my life. It didn't matter that I had read all kinds of books on the art of flirting. I just couldn't flirt! Now, it comes naturally, without conscious thought.
As we continued speaking, I took his wrist in my hand to examine it. This came naturally, too, and he did not object. I expressed my concern and also asked if he had been wearing a helmet. He had, but I still gave him a very short 'talk' on why he needed to wear one at all times.
All of this went very smoothly. I was on automatic pilot.
We ended our conversation. A few minutes later he asked me for something, saying my former male name. I did not get upset, but simply stated my new name. He apologized immediately, and profusely, correcting himself. I have no doubt that this was an honest mistake. The last few times he has stopped by, he's told me how terrific I look.
I still teased him about his mistake later in the day, asking if "we needed to deal with our 'problem' in the back alley." He knew right away what I meant and I realized I was flirting again. He responded that he'd be an easy target with his concussion.
later in the day. It was more involved than any we'd had before. I had no doubt that he likes me as the woman I am.
Late in the afternoon, I was speaking with one of the main lobby receptionists, complaining about the shoddy construction of women's clothing.
We've always gotten on well. From my first day at work as Danya, she has called me by my new name or referred to me as 'ma'am'. I could do without the latter, but she is polite.Yesterday, though, in front of another coworker she twice referred to me as 'he'. Keep in mind that nine months have passed since I became Danya at the office. After the second 'he', I quietly corrected her. All I said was 'she, please.'
I thought she was going to faint on the spot. She was very apologetic and went on about how inappropriate 'he' was. I said it wasn't that big a deal (although I was surprised). She responded that it was very important and her use of 'he' was inexcusable. She was really worked up over this. I continued to speak calmly and reassured her things were fine.
I understand that, for people who knew me in my old 'male' life, there may be moments when they lapse into old habits. It's human nature.
A group of the 'girls' from the office was going to a nearby bar after work yesterday. One was leaving the company for a new position.
Many months ago, I wrote about my first time feeling 'at home' and at ease in a group. That was when I was one of a group of women coworkers at this same bar. Although I had not yet transitioned, they knew that was coming in a month or so. I had always felt uncomfortable in a group of men and I still do. It's not that I don't like men, just that I cannot fit in as male. I can easily speak with one or two mean and feel comfortable. In larger men's groups, the unspoken yet powerful male bonding tends to exclude those are not male.
Last night I felt so relaxed with these women. This was a much larger group than my first experience and it was more revealing. There was a lot of talk about 'girl stuff.' Everything from dating in high school on, meeting future husbands, dealing with children and careers, playing cribbage and poker, singing and on and on.
I enjoyed listening in but I could not participate because I had never experienced what they had. Even their experiences with poker seemed tinted with a woman's view point. This is the first time it really hit me. I have missed so much in my life because I was born in the wrong body. What I missed, really, was most of a life.
Don't get me wrong. I am not bemoaning my situation. I was pleasantly surprised by how easily I related to typical women's experiences. I understood where they were coming from. As a man, I never 'got' the reality of men.
There are advantages to being transsexual that are not open to most people. I'm not convinced of the reality of some 'gifts' other TS women have expressed. Some claim that, on average, we are more creative, for instance. Perhaps. If this were true, would it really matter? I don't think so.
As for me, one gift of my transsexuality is the unique perspective it gives me on people. Few can say they have experienced life as both a man and a woman. Few would want to be able to claim this.
Nonetheless, I view this as a blessing. To top it all off, I am finally home. I get to be my true self at last.This is not, perhaps, different from the experience of many transgender people of all types. We can define outselves in entirely new ways.
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
It still strikes me as unusual, this recent need of mine to write down everything. I used to view it as therapuetic; it helped me work through a confusing welter of emotions. Self-analysis, always a risky business, can no longer entirely explain my desire to write.
I used to hate writing of any kind. While I could do a decent job putting together technical papers, there was no fun involved. It was no more than something I had to do.
Now, I think, I write mostly as an aid in clarifying the directions of my life. It's fun, too.
You might imagine I am already dealing with enough change: the new direction that came with transitioning. You might be right! I'm still traveling down that path.
Nonetheless, I want more from life. Since I started my full-time life as Danya, I am more confident in my abilities. I want to do more with those natural gifts I was born with, but never fully expressed.
Some of my ideas are likely completely unrealistic. In the last several weeks, for instance, I have thought of finding another job in a different part of the country. Someone on this site had planted this idea, along with the words 'when the economy has improved.' Now I wonder "Why wait?".
There are several logical reasons to wait. The value of my home has plummeted, the economic climate is uncertain at best, I already have a reasonably secure position. I want to have more time for a social life. These are all things to be considered. And my current job keeps me so busy I hardly have time to pursue another option.
Since my transition day last May, though, several unexpected things happened. I've already written about my happiness. That's about all I expected out of becoming 'my true self.' I never anticipated that my happiness would continue to increase. How can this be? I know the answer but that is not the same as experiencing the reality of it in my life. That still seems something of a mystery.
I think about other directions, too, and as time passes it seems that there are further horizons to explore. Perhaps this is a bit of wanderlust - physical, intellectual, spiritual and emotional. Can I make this any more complicated?
The likely answer is I need to 'get real.' At least for the next year or so. Maybe the next 10 beyond that, too.
I used to hate writing of any kind. While I could do a decent job putting together technical papers, there was no fun involved. It was no more than something I had to do.
Now, I think, I write mostly as an aid in clarifying the directions of my life. It's fun, too.
You might imagine I am already dealing with enough change: the new direction that came with transitioning. You might be right!
I'm still traveling down that path.Nonetheless, I want more from life. Since I started my full-time life as Danya, I am more confident in my abilities. I want to do more with those natural gifts I was born with, but never fully expressed.
Some of my ideas are likely completely unrealistic. In the last several weeks, for instance, I have thought of finding another job in a different part of the country. Someone on this site had planted this idea, along with the words 'when the economy has improved.' Now I wonder "Why wait?".
There are several logical reasons to wait. The value of my home has plummeted, the economic climate is uncertain at best, I already have a reasonably secure position. I want to have more time for a social life. These are all things to be considered. And my current job keeps me so busy I hardly have time to pursue another option.
Since my transition day last May, though, several unexpected things happened. I've already written about my happiness. That's about all I expected out of becoming 'my true self.' I never anticipated that my happiness would continue to increase. How can this be? I know the answer but that is not the same as experiencing the reality of it in my life. That still seems something of a mystery.
I think about other directions, too, and as time passes it seems that there are further horizons to explore. Perhaps this is a bit of wanderlust - physical, intellectual, spiritual and emotional. Can I make this any more complicated?
The likely answer is I need to 'get real.' At least for the next year or so. Maybe the next 10 beyond that, too.
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
This is getting out of hand. One of my friends here, who correctly diagnosed my tendency toward hypomania many moons ago, has likely noticed by now that it would be a very smart idea for me to take my prescription mood stabilizer before I go to bed. That should be very soon, if I'm smart. That's questionable, so we'll see.
Despite my hypomanic state, which does return from time to time, I never get truly depressed. Who knows why? It doesn't matter.
I'm listening to Carly Simon sing "Nobody Does It Better" on You Tube as I write. I imagine myself in her place, on the stage with handsome backup players and singers. She's dressed in what looks like a teenie bopper's outfit. That's OK, it's not something I'd usually wear, but I'll make an exception. I'm singing along. The 'old' me, my uptight former male self, would have never in his wildest dreams have sought to sign popular music on stage. Now that 'she' (me) has arrived on the scene, the thought is very appealing.
One of the things I want to pursue is expanding my musical activities. There is a local choral group for GLBT folks. I need to socialize more and I like to sing. Sounds like this group is a potential answer to some of my prayers. I'm going to check it out.
Despite my hypomanic state, which does return from time to time, I never get truly depressed. Who knows why? It doesn't matter.
I'm listening to Carly Simon sing "Nobody Does It Better" on You Tube as I write. I imagine myself in her place, on the stage with handsome backup players and singers. She's dressed in what looks like a teenie bopper's outfit. That's OK, it's not something I'd usually wear, but I'll make an exception.
I'm singing along. The 'old' me, my uptight former male self, would have never in his wildest dreams have sought to sign popular music on stage. Now that 'she' (me) has arrived on the scene, the thought is very appealing.One of the things I want to pursue is expanding my musical activities. There is a local choral group for GLBT folks. I need to socialize more and I like to sing. Sounds like this group is a potential answer to some of my prayers. I'm going to check it out.
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Danya (imported)
- Posts: 1971
- Joined: Tue Mar 06, 2007 11:28 am
-
Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
The prescription mood stabilizer I took last night did not quell my racing thoughts. The medicine should have left me calm this morning but there was no change, other than the expected tiredness. Great, I had trouble staying awake at the office while my thoughts sped on unimpeded.
I am in a very bad mood tonight, partly because of continuing over work. I thought I would get a free weekend, but that's not going to happen. I'm feeling discouraged by this ongoing situation that has every appearance of becoming my new work life. If it hasn't already.
For a time this evening, I felt that I wanted to give up on nearly everything. I still feel that way. There, I've said it.
This attitude is unusual for me. There are a lot of emotions behind it that I don't have the energy to explain now. Burn-out plays a role. For now, my coping skills just aren't working well.
I have a very good idea of what is really behind my sour state. Everything's tied in with the magnitude of the changes I am experiencing. It doesn't matter, tonight, that everything has gone so well in my transition or that these changes are very good. I know what I want to say but the words just aren't there. I feel alone on a path that few 'outsiders' can begin to comprehend.
In the morning, I'll exercise and hope that helps me regain my equilibrium.
I am in a very bad mood tonight, partly because of continuing over work. I thought I would get a free weekend, but that's not going to happen. I'm feeling discouraged by this ongoing situation that has every appearance of becoming my new work life. If it hasn't already.
For a time this evening, I felt that I wanted to give up on nearly everything. I still feel that way. There, I've said it.
This attitude is unusual for me. There are a lot of emotions behind it that I don't have the energy to explain now. Burn-out plays a role. For now, my coping skills just aren't working well.
I have a very good idea of what is really behind my sour state. Everything's tied in with the magnitude of the changes I am experiencing. It doesn't matter, tonight, that everything has gone so well in my transition or that these changes are very good. I know what I want to say but the words just aren't there. I feel alone on a path that few 'outsiders' can begin to comprehend.
In the morning, I'll exercise and hope that helps me regain my equilibrium.