Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya...I must commend you on your stick-to-itiveness (if that's a word).

I'm glad I don't have to go through what you are... It's so good to see you have attracted a man who obviously wants to be with you...You left a fill in the blank space in your last message...It would be interesting to know what that was? smooches dragonfly

Hi Butterflyjack,

I appreciate your commendation!

I can assure you, sir, that I have many fine qualities that would be attractive to many men.

What part of my life is that you would not want to go through? It is true that some things are difficult right now. As I was telling 'X' this evening, despite all that my life continues to get better.

I also told 'X' that I am quite happy by myself. That I do not need a man to feel complete. Still, having the right man in my life would be wonderful. He may or may not be that man. We both understand that we are taking time to learn about each other. Intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and....that other way.

A lady does not kiss and tell. At least not on a public forum. Anyway, this whole thing with 'X' came out of the blue. I wasn't looking for it but it is very nice. At least for now.

We went to the Chicago Botanic Garden late in the day. As we were getting out of the car, I said "I think I'll leave my camera behind." This won't sound like a big deal to most, but for me it was a major concession. I did not want picture taking to interfere with our time together. Several times, I regretted not having my camera. Like when I could have gotten a great shot of a Baltimore oriole. Or a very nice photo of a Zen garden set in a quiet corner of the expansive Japanese garden. In the end, I was glad I did not have the camera.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I just called the recruiter handling the contract job for the health care company. She had spoken with the hiring manager this morning, who said they decided their business needs had changed. I think this means they had not fully defined their business needs when I interviewed with them. The manager emphatically stated, however, that he was very impressed with my qualifications and the way I aced the interview. He will keep me in mind for future openings. The recruiter thanked me for my excellent preparation and reminded me that there are new contract openings with this company that come available frequently. She will also submit me for contract opportunities with other companies.

In some ways, I am relieved that I was not offered this job. I certainly want to be working ASAP, but I am hopeful a contract to hire or direct hire opportunity will be offered to me before long.

I have a phone interview this afternoon for a permanent position with a well known department store. Monday, I have a phone

interview for a permanent position

with a consulting company.

[Danya (imported)]

If something more promising does not happen with my job search soon, say within two weeks, I will start investigating different career paths in addition to a possible move. I will not give up trying for the jobs I really want, but I need to get on with my life. I'm also tired of being on unemployment and I enjoy being out working. I can do quite well on less money than I am used to making, although I do not think I will be nearly as happy at a less demanding job.

On the other hand, a different type of job could give me more time to pursue teaching evenings as an adjunct professor and also to become staff organist at a local church. Both of these jobs would provide extra income and I enjoy them.

One of the things the unemployed worker counselors in Minnesota emphasized was the possible need to put together a career made up of more than one job.

I will still plan for GRS while all this is going on.

[John (imported)]

On the other hand, a different type of job could give me more time to pursue teaching evenings as an adjunct professor and also to become staff organist at a local church. Both of these jobs would provide extra income and I enjoy them.

.

Hi my friend!

Not even having heard you play the organ, why not widen your applications to that of an organist aswell?

Greetings

John

Congratulations by the way as your thread passed 1000 entries!

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Hi Danya...What I meant was, I would find it very difficult to be going through this job search that you're undergoing...And I can see very well what a man would see in you...I see it...smooches dragonfly

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya...What I meant was, I would find it very difficult to be going through this job search that you're undergoing...And I can see very well what a man would see in you...I see it...smooches dragonfly

Hi ButterflyJack,

I am not sure if you are signing off your notes as 'dragonfly' or you are referring to me that way. Regardless, I appreciate your comments.

For the most part, I passed the stage of wondering if I would ever find good work again months ago. This is a common, and understanable, issue for many unemployed folks in this economy. Very occasionally, this thought still haunts me but I do not allow myself to dwell on it long. It is counter productive. I have every reason to believe I will find a good opportunity. This is not merely my own wishful thinking, but what unemployment counselors tell me. They base this on my experience, education, confidence in myself and similar things.

I do not sit around moping about my situation. Rather, I am still enjoying life and actively participating. By regularly getting out to see the sights, keeping up with my photography, taking long walks, spending time with friends and now dating. I am also proceeding with electrolysis and plans for GRS, despite being unemployed. Somehow, I have always gotten things to work out before and I will this time, too. I may not have found the exact way to do that, yet. But I will.

Thank you very much for your kind remarks on what you see in me.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

OK, I still do not have a job although I have been looking in the Chicago area for less than 2 1/2 months. After nearly 10 months of unemployment, I want to develop more specific options for finding meaningful work. While I continue my usual job search.

I still prefer to stay right here in the Chicago area. That may not be my best option when I can easily move someplace else. If it makes sense to do so.

I was just interrupted by a recruiter calling about a job in Massachusetts. She did not speak English well and I do not think she knew what her client really wants. I think I would have been a good fit from the little I heard, but she hung up. All because of a language barrier. C'est la vie! Or, so geht das Leben. Then again, quello che sara, sara. Whatever!

Now I am considering moving to an area I would enjoy that has significantly lower unemployment and a higher demand for what I do. If such places exist. I think there are several that would do nicely. While I am getting more activity on my resume here than in Minnesota, and I had good reasons for moving here that have not changed, things are still difficult. I realize things are not easy anywhere. Yet there are places that look more promising on the job front.

I am talking about moving on my own without a job at the other end, if neccesary. Again. This would have little effect on my finances. I now live simply and could move everything I own in my little Ford Focus station wagon. I am entirely on my own on this life journey, which is very freeing.

I have no desire to move every few months in search of work, so I am looking at

the possibility of another move

with a very skeptical eye.

I check the Minnesota job ads occasionally and, while the Twin Cities unemployment rate is significantly lower than Chicago's, I find nothing to indicate I would be doing any better had I remained there.

Despite my Minnesota unemployment counselor's advice that I not settle for something less than what my background qualifies me for, I cannot continue proceeding as I am without options. Having choices increases my freedom to do what I must.

I will talk to additional recruiters about local job possibilities. I will also ask for advice on areas of the country where I would likely land a job more quickly.

A move is not my only option. I am still developing others.

[Danya (imported)]

OK, I still do not have a job although I have been looking in the Chicago area for less than 2 1/2 months. After nearly 10 months of unemployment, I want to develop more specific options for finding meaningful work. While I continue my usual job search.

I still prefer to stay right here in the Chicago area. That may not be my best option when I can easily move someplace else. If it makes sense to do so.

I am talking about moving on my own without a job at the other end, if neccesary. Again. This would have little effect on my finances. I now live simply and could move everything I own in my little Ford Focus station wagon. I am entirely on my own on this life journey, which is very freeing.

I have no desire to move every few months in search of work, so I am looking at

the possibility of another move

with a very skeptical eye.

When I finished my Masters degree, a very long time ago, the economy was also in a recession. Of course, that recession was not nearly as severe as the current one. I was recently married and we were living on the east coast.

After looking for work for months with no luck, we decided to move to an area that was doing well. I found a full-time, permanent job in our new location within six weeks. So moving to a new location without a job offer is in my genes!

I do not believe things would be this easy wherever I might move. Nonetheless, I am taking this possiblitity much more seriously.

I just finished some preliminary research and will look at other information sources. I may well get a job here and soon. If that does not happen, I will have a clear picutre of options.

A week or two ago, I created a list of possible cities for relocation. I am gathering more complete information on the current economy and outlooks for these and other cities so I can prepare a better list.

[Danya (imported)]

Hi my friend!

Not even having heard you play the organ, why not widen your applications to that of an organist aswell?

Greetings

John

Congratulations by the way as your thread passed 1000 entries!

Hi John,

When I am able to, I will apply for organist positions. Right now, my electrologist sees me on Sundays to work on removing the facial 'stuff' that I do not want. She may be able to accomdate me on afternoons.

Thanks for the congratulations.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I had a wonderful time last night with Erica Ann and her spouse. We went to an Italian restaurant

to celebrate the two-year

anniversary of my work transition

to Danya.

Things are going remarkably well with 'X.' We are very different in many ways, but he is kind, considerate and gentle. He is also very practical in his life outlook. Erica Ann's spouse let me in on the news that this is quite typical for men.

We spent much of today downtown and then ate at a small all-American type diner on the outskirts of the city.

I spent a lot of time simply taking in the sights and sounds of downtown Chicago, while enjoying 'X's' company. Because I want to form a strong memory of this place in case I decide to leave.

I expect to decide by mid-June whether to remain in the Chicago area. My decision will be based on how well things are going here and a comparison of other urban centers based on local economic conditions, demand for my various skill sets, predicted trends for the future and the desirability of the area.

I love it here, but I have requirements for a new job. Like being able to get one and benefits. If I decide to move, I will likely go at the end of June.

All of this planning will become unimportant if I am offered a job soon. There are several possibilities in the works.

Moving is not the only option I am considering to increase my chances of landing a job soon.

[Danya (imported)]

A close woman friend and trainer at one of the Minnesota Workforce centers told me that, if she lost her job, she would do anything to help her family survive.

I am a family of one. I will do what I need to do to survive and reach my goals.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Hi again, Danya...I was using Dragonfly in reference to myself..I shave my head and have butterflies, a large dragonfly, and a bumblebee, along with a morning glory and various vines tattooed on my bald head...Sort of a walking garden..

smooches again dragonfly

[Danya (imported)]

Hi again, Danya...I was using Dragonfly in reference to myself..I shave my head and have butterflies, a large dragonfly, and a bumblebee, along with a morning glory and various vines tattooed on my bald head...Sort of a walking garden..

smooches again dragonfly

I love gardening!

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I spent a very relaxing day with 'X' on Sunday.

My phone interview this morning went well. The recruiter should let me know by tomorrow if they want to proceed to next steps.

A long distance friend noted he has mixed feelings about my moving. I always appreciate comments, suggestions and advice.

He commented that this would be a large expense. For most people, this would be true. For me, with no furniture, no mortgage and no lease the cost of moving would come down to gas for the car, food and, perhaps, a night or two at motels along the way.

I spent hours this weekend further investigating metroplitan areas around the county that look to offer much better employment opportunities for technologists than the Chicago region. I am also including a somewhat intangible 'trans friendly' factor and investigating cost of living, average salaries and so on. I am figuring, as a lower priority consideration, in how much I would like living in a new spot. I take into account the current unemployment rate and the number of available openings per applicant. I include the total number of job openings in my field per capita.

Then I went to several business sites that rate metropolitan regions on desirability for both relatively high employment prospects and future prospects. It turns out these sites don't appear to have access to any information unavailable to me. Their conclusions generally confirm my own.

It turns out that there are several desirable regions that clearly offer much better prospects than the Chicago region. The clearest winners are

1. Washington, DC metro area

2. New York City metro area

3. Seattle

4. San Francisco

The Minneapolis-Saint Paul region is doing relatively well compared to most metro regions. I still find few jobs there that are good matches for my particular combination of skills. I have little desire to return there, although if a great permanent job were offered to me I would accept it.

Working on this type of analysis gives me confidence I can proceed with a move if I decide that is the way to go

. I still hope to remain in the Chicago

region.

I have run out of jobs to apply for today. Over the last several days, there have been fewer published openings. So I will take the rest of the day off and go downtown or to the Chicago Botanic Garden.

It is also time for another manicure.

[Uncle Flo (imported)]

The action on the employment front will probably drop off now until after the Memorial Day holiday. --FLO--

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Flo,

That's a very good point that I hadn't thought of. Still, it turned out that today I had three phone interviews. Two more than the one I had been expecting. Those were from recruiters contacting me after they spotted my online resume.

I spoke to the last two with my hands free cell phone as I drove to the Chicago Botanic Garden. A trusted friend pointed out that it would have been better if I had pulled off the Tollway so I could have concentrated entirely on the conversations. I agree and will do so for similar situations as they arise.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

My day was very good. I continue to feel confident I will work things out to find a good job. This evening, I spoke with my 'local' therapist. The one who is only a 40 minute drive from home. I did not feel an absolute need to discuss anything with her, but it helps to have a sympathetic ear when so much in my life is changing.

I was surprised at how delighted my therapist was to learn that I am dating 'X.' Not that I do not think this is a good thing. She takes all of my activities, now including dating, as very good signs that I am handling everything in my life well during a difficult time. I showed her something I have not mentioned here. The friendship ring 'X' gave me a few days ago. She was really interested in this.

She and I spoke at some length about the possibility of my moving yet again. She was concerned about several potential problems. Like the stress of adjusting to another new locale and, specifically, my ability to continue to quickly adapt to changing circumstances. I put her mind at ease about these things. I did this, in part, by talking about something I very rarely discuss. That is, the time I was assaulted and how I later handled the fall-out of post traumatic stress.

As I learned from three progressively less severe bouts with PTSD, when something is bothering me or I am having a major life problem I need to take positive action. If I do not, I risk feeling like a victim instead of someone who takes charge and does what is needed. By laying out contingency plans for landing a job, I am taking this active role to best position myself for success.

After we finished talking, she was convinced I can handle another move relatively easily. She also knows I am thoroughly investigating all possibilities. Only one of these is moving.

She added that Chicago is wonderful in the summer and it would be a shame to miss this season in the city. I told her how badly I was sweating as I walked around the Chicago Botanic Garden earlier in the day. I still had a wonderful time.

[Danya (imported)]

I just learned that the drunk driver who ran into, and totalled, my car is being charged with a felony. I don't want to go into the details on this site.

[Danya (imported)]

In another hour, or less, the birds will start singing their morning songs. I got home quite late after a wonderful 9 hours spent with 'X.' We went downtown, parking at the north end of Grant Park in the Millenium Park area. Over the late afternoon and into the evening, we walked to Navy Pier and took in the sights there.

It reminded me of tourist areas along the shore (ocean) in New Jersey. Even though the waves and the smell of salt water of the east coast were missing, I had a lot of fun. It was a beautiful day, with pleasant temperatures resulting from easterly winds off Lake Michigan.

We have reached an accomodation, of a sort, that takes into account my love of photography and 'X's' desire to talk and be close as we learn more about each other. I always feel relaxed after spending time with 'X.'

I spoke with two recruiters on Tuesday. Both noted that job postings had slowed due to the upcoming Memorial Day weekend. I found only one job to apply for today.

Tuesday morning, I spent more time investigating my selected cities should I decide to move. That led me to another one with an unemployment rate of only 5.6% - Honolulu. If only I could drive me car to Oahu.

I will probably start applying for 'contingency plan C' jobs soon. I want to give these a try before making a decision to leave Chicago.

[Danya (imported)]

I never would have picked 'X' as someone who would bring me such happiness. We have divergent views on a number of issues I consider critical factors for common ground. How could I ever relate to someone whose views on these important matters are so different from my own? Turns out it mostly doesn't matter.

At 8:30 Wednesday evening, I called him and asked if he wanted to go with me downtown. I wanted to surprise him by taking him to the SkyDeck of the Willis (nee Sears) Tower to see the city lights. We arrived 30 minutes too late. Another time, perhaps.

This is the second evening I handed him the keys to my car. I told him I wanted my boyfriend to drive. I trust him. I have not let anyone drive my car in years. Tonight, I said I would drive downtown because I was concerned that his more laid back driving style would delay our arrival. It's all related to how seriously we each take 'the speed limit is only a suggestion.' Once we were downtown, he got the keys.

It has been barely over a week since we met. Yet already I feel totally comfortable with him and safe. When we part, I am totally relaxed. I am experiencing some of the fun and exploration of teenage dating for the first time.

At least six weeks ago, I notified my college class agent about my transitioning from male to female. Today, the latest issue of the alumni magazine arrived. It has a section for news segregated by class years. There was no mention of my big change. Typically, births, marriages, career moves (especially up the corporate ladder ) and similar items are listed. I do not think I have ever seen an announcement of job loss, although I notified my class agent about this, too!

Maybe the agent will have the guts to mention my transition news in the newsletter for my class. That should arrive in a month or so.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

Hi Danya,

I'm so glad you have found someone to share and enjoy life with. Though we are all different in many diverse ways there is always common ground between people that can and should be shared as well as celebrated.

Enjoy and have fun. You deserve it!

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Erica Ann,

I am enjoying my time with 'X' more than I imagined possible. As we kissed on the dark street last night near Buckingham Fountain in Grant Park, a younger couple walking by commented "Isn't that sweet." 'X' whispered in my ear that he was tempted to tell them we had just learned I am pregnant!

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I was crying in the car today as I drove to buy an inexpensive pair of Capri pants. It wasn't the idea of Capri pants that was causing my emotional response , although I have never been a fan of them. [I won't go into why I wanted to buy these. ]

Rather, I was feeling overwhelmed by how extremely beautiful life is and how fortunate I am to be at this point in my own life. Everything that has happened to make my life so much better seems like an impossibility that I somehow stumbled into.

Many years, really decades, ago when I was still a young one an uncle died. We had never visited him often, although I remember going to his funeral with my parents and brothers. We also attended a dinner afterward at my aunt's house.

My father noted, with some wistfulness, that Uncle 'M' had lived the life he wanted. My uncle, apparently, was unconcerned by conventional 'rules' of what constitutes happiness. I remember being stunned and realized my father was not entirely happy with his own life.

I also remember the son and daughter of Uncle 'M'. Both played the piano

and we had a wonderful time talking

music. Both of my cousins struck me as eccentric and I found that fascinating.

So, I like to think that I am leading the life I was meant to and on my own terms. Were my father still alive, I believe he would approve.

Although I am unemployed, I still see all kinds of wonderful possibilities for the future. I do not know what my next adventure will be but I like the image of the trapeze aerialist. Letting go of one bar with the faith that the next will be there with someone's out stretched hands to grab me, figuratively speaking. I can let go of many things, and have, to get to where I am. Despite the losses, everything has worked out for the better. I fully expect this to continue.

[Danya (imported)]

I located an open position with a very trans friendly company in Chicago. This is a permanent job that requires up to 50% travel, which I do not think I would mind one bit. I know business travel can be tiring, but I know how to have fun to iron out the stress.

Going from the job description, I am a very good fit. I'm really pushing to find something right here and soon.

I am starting to keep track of job openings in my field in a longer list of metro areas and every several days. This way, I hope to spot anamolies and real differences.

Today's winner is....Boulder, CO and by a very long shot. This may be a fluke. At any rate, I really like Boulder. It's close to the Front Range of the Rocky Mountains and not far from my one and only encounter with a mountain lion.

Next come Washington, DC and New York which each far surpass the Chicago region. The Minneapolis-Saint Paul area is close behind these cities, but I still find the job descriptions there to be, for the most part, poor matches for what I can offer.

Every city on my list has more advertised jobs in my field than Chicago, usually many more.

I have expanded my list because, if I must move, I want to make the 'right' choice. This means I will need to take the time to look over typical position descriptions for all of these cities. This is very time consuming , but someone has said information is power. It helps that four recruiters have now contacted me about positions in DC.

The cities in my new, expanded list all have transgender protections at the city level. Many also have state anti-discrimination protections in place. New York state is the only exception.

1. Boulder, CO - a dark horse winner??

2. Denver, CO

3. Boston, MA - a high performer

4. Washington, DC - so far, a consistent winner, but as with all of these I need to look into job descriptions - nearby Montgomery County, MD has TG protections while places like Alexandria, VA do not.

5. New York, NY - dependably high on open positions

6. Seattle, WA - always significantly better than Chicago

7. Portland, OR (I thought this one was out, but it has been performing better recently)

8. San Francisco, CA

___________________________________

I'm looking forward to spending the day with 'X' tomorrow. There are fewer openings with the approaching holiday, so I feel free to take this time. We will go to the Museum of Science and Industry. I'll have my cell phone along in case a recruiter calls.

____________________________________

The Be-All transgender conference begins here middle of next week. I will attend on Saturday to speak with GRS surgeons. I may also spring for the dinner Saturday night. Maybe not.

[EricaAnn (imported)]

The Be-All transgender conference begins here middle of next week. I will attend on Saturday to speak with GRS surgeons. I may also spring for the dinner Saturday night. Maybe not.

Danya,

If you plan on continuing any kind of relationship with "X" this idea of GRS may not work for him.

I know "X" fairly well as well as his past history and preferences.