Transitioning at work and in all of my life

[Danya (imported)]

I have an ad on CraigsList, since I would consider another roommate situation. If 'X' would be welcome to come over and visit. My ad states that a roommate must be 'TG-friendly.' I also stated that my boyfriend would need to be welcome. I figured this would kill all interest.

This evening, I got a response from someone who wanted to know if 'XYZ' suburb would be good. It would be. Then he/she asked if I already had a boyfriend! I guess he/she, probably he, was hoping he might become the boyfriend. Possible case of a 'tranny' chaser here. Not for me!

[Danya (imported)]

I have an ad on CraigsList, since I would consider another roommate situation. If 'X' would be welcome to come over and visit. My ad states that a roommate must be 'TG-friendly.' I also stated that my boyfriend would need to be welcome. I figured this would kill all interest.

This evening, I got a response from someone who wanted to know if 'XYZ' suburb would be good. It would be. Then he/she asked if I already had a boyfriend! I guess he/she, probably he, was hoping he might become the boyfriend. Possible case of a 'tranny' chaser here. Not for me!

The man with the room to rent wrote back this morning, stating "I want to be your boyfriend." No thank you.

I am wiped out. Looking for a new place to live, getting the car repaired and dashing all over tying up lose ends before the new job starts Monday - all this is taking a toll. Over each of the last five nights, I have averaged less than six hours sleep. I need to get more rest.

I am a little nervous about starting the new job, which I think is normal. I am anxious because I have

a three hour electrolysis session

scheduled for Sunday afternoon. I may cancel this, making it the first week I have missed since I started on March 6. I need to be relaxed and well rested for my first day of work. It is important that I make a very good impression starting from day one.

Last night, I emailed one GRS doctor to get preliminary information. His office sent a reply late this afternoon. I will contact one or two more surgeons tomorrow morning.

I wonder if I am being foolish in trying to get this sceduled when I do not have permanent employment. Then I think there is no good time for GRS. Whenever I have surgery, it will require a six week period away from work. Besides, I may not have a permanent position again for many months.

Because of that, this contract job may be an ideal solution. The contract will end, I can try to schedule GRS to coincide with its end, have surgery, recuperate and find my next job. If the company, or another, offers me permanent employment, I can postpone surgery.

Little is making sense to me tonight. I feel unable to put all the pieces of my life back together. Getting a good night's sleep will help.

[Danya (imported)]

I got plenty of sleep last night, so I had lots of energy and high spirits today.

This morning, I set out with 'X' on a mission: find an apartment within my budget. I worked through several realtors. The first apartment I looked at was fine, but 'X' told me the neighborhood was not among the safest in the city.

As we drove around, writing down numbers posted on "For Rent" signs, another realtor called. I had sent her an email over the weekend and today was the first I heard from her. She understood my financial situation because she has been in the same spot.

She and I chatted awhile while 'X' drove. She said she had the perfect apartment, the second floor of a house in a far northwestern corner of the city. I did not bite immediately, telling her I already had several options. I was relating what she said to 'X.'

Then, out of the blue or so it seemed to me, she said "Let me speak to your boyfriend." Without protest, I simply handed the phone to 'X.'

I have lived alone for 14 1/2 years and I am used to taking care of myself. I got a good laugh out of the 'talk to your boyfriend' thing, and was still chuckling about it hours later. Still, I was surprised that I handed the phone to 'X' without protest. We are not renting a place together. I am doing this on my own.

The agent was working on 'X', hoping he would convince me of what a great deal this apartment was. 'X' thought, and he may have been correct, that there was sexism involved. Deal with the man because he is the ultimate decision maker.

We drove by the apartment to get a feel for the neighborhood and the building. It was in a very attractive area with lots of old trees. The apartment was on the second story of a two story house. There was a small back yard. There was a bus stop a block away. The bus ride to either the 'L' or the neighboring Metra station would take no more than 10 minutes. There was plenty of space on the street for parking.

Later in the day, we drove to the agent's office. There, she commented on how happy we looked being together. She also noted how much 'we' would enjoy the apartment (wink, wink! )

[Yesterday, at the Botanic Garden, a woman smiled warmly at us as we sat talking on a bench.]

The end result is I took the apartment and signed a lease. Last night, I decided to do everything possible to remain in this area. If I find I must move months down the road, I will still be able to pay off the lease. I will do what I must to survive, but I really want to stay here. I continue to enjoy the city and surrounding area more as the months go by. For now, even if I am forced to leave later, it is nice to rest for a bit and enjoy a settled feeling.

'X' grew up in the city and does not view it nearly as favorably. He is much more attuned to the problems of this huge place than me, although I know cities have major troubles. My roommate also grew up in the city. She says she never liked it as much as I do. Both 'X' and my roommate will concede, reluctantly, that there are some very positive things about the place.

It just so happens that the apartment is five blocks from where 'X' lives. This is largely coincidental, although I was looking in his neck of the woods, or city! The location is terrific with relatively easy access to all areas of the metropolitan region. I will see a huge reduction in transportation costs.

The apartment has more space than I need, but the price was right. I will get as little furniture as possible until I am offered a permanent job someplace. I still need to be very careful with my money. I am still spending large sums for electrolysis and I am planning for GRS. My employment future is still uncertain. The contract job may not become permanent. Of course, all of us live with less security than we can fool ourselves into believing we enjoy.

I will get everything to work

and, I hope, be able to remain here.

I will move the last weekend of the month. Once settled in, I will see if I can land a part time job as staff organist at a nearby church.

Tomorrow night, 'X' and I plan to hear Beethoven's "Mass in C Major", at the Prizker Pavilion in Millenium Park in the heart of downtown. The weather may force us to change plans. The high is precited to be in the 90s with a good chance of severe thunderstorms.

Occasionally, 'X' reads this thread. At first, he felt he was reading my diary and thus intruding. Besides, he reasoned, he is getting to know me in person and does not need to read what I write here.

[graylayer02 (imported)]

Congratulations Danya!

You've worked very hard and now you're seeing results. I hope that the next couple of years continue to bring good changes...and that you get to celebrate them with someone you love.

[Danya (imported)]

Congratulations Danya!

You've worked very hard and now you're seeing results. I hope that the next couple of years continue to bring good changes...and that you get to celebrate them with someone you love.

Hi Graylayer02,

Thanks for the very sweet note. I appreciate your good wishes.

Life is good and I have come a long way since the time I learned I would lose my job. I am fortunate.

Chicago has turned out to be a great place for me, just as I had hoped. Some very nices surprises have come along, too, including 'X.'

Best wishes,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I have been 'ordered,' really urged in a gentle, caring way by 'X' to get enough sleep tonight. So I will wait until sometime Saturday to elaborate, as promised, on my new job responsibilities.

For now, all I want to say is that things continue to go very well with 'X.' Although our backgrounds and life experiences

are very different, we are finding

ways to get past our differences and even appreciate them. It all comes down to mutual respect and being willing to communicate openly and honestly.

More by late tomorrow.

[Danya (imported)]

Congratulations Danya. What can you tell us about the job?

Hi Mac,

My job title will be, as of Monday , Business Analyst. Business analysis is predicted to be a high growth field at least through 2015.

Business analysts work within different corporate departments, and sometimes external cusomters, to help them determine what they really need and to design a solution to their needs. This is not as easy as it sounds. Often, business users have nothing more than a poor idea of what their business process problems really are. Let alone any idea of how to fix things.

Beyond this, business analysts gather business requirements, analyze requirements (determine what they really mean and what the in depth details are), create project documentation, design solutions (IT-based or not), develop ways of testing the solutions for effectiveness, assist end users with testing and similar things.

Business analysts often work closely with project managers, another rapidly growing field.

Business analysts and project managers are important because they help assure that projects will be completed on time and deliver what business users need.

Many projects, some costing millions of dollars, are never completed successfully because companies failed to figure out what they truly needed to get the work done.

[kennath7 (imported)]

Late con grat's on your new job

I knew things would turn around for the better for you , I am so happy for you

all ways remember to stop and smell the roses

[Danya (imported)]

Late con grat's on your new job

I knew things would turn around for the better for you , I am so happy for you

all ways remember to stop and smell the roses

Hi Kennath7,

You are always very kind. I appreciate the congratulations.

With 'X,' I am learning to stop and smell the roses in new ways.

I wish you the very best.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I may not have much time to write for the next week or so. Commuting to my new job will be a grind until I move next weekend. I am hopeful I will have internet access ready as soon as I am in my new place. I may not.

'X' and I had a wonderful time yesterday. He is determined to take me to all the many places and music venues he enjoys in the summer. Last night, we had a great time listening to the Elmhurst College Jazz Band. During the second set, a well known singer from the east coast sang with the group.

Yesterday afternoon, 'X' and I looked for furniture at Ikea. Just about everything there cost more than I want to spend. This may give you an idea of how tight my budget is.

Found out today that 'X's' daughter will loan me a futon and vacuum cleaner. She is a very nice woman who welcomes me into her home.

For now, I have to assume the new job will end in six months, or perhaps a little longer. If they hire me permanently, I will be very happy. They very well may not. So, after I have been at the new job for a few weeks, I will start looking for another one.

[Danya (imported)]

I returned to work today one month shy of 11 months of unemployment. I felt very good about this, although it was an adjustment. The work environment at this company is very intense. People sit at their cubicles most of the day and interact little. Except by email. Everyone is helpful, though.

The work was immediately challenging, as it often is in IT-related contract jobs. Employers expect you to jump right into the middle of projects, which may already be well along. As this one is.

I was happy to see some of the women wore skirts to the office. At least a few days a week, I will do the same.

During the interview, I was thrilled at the great views of downtown even at only the 9th floor. Today, I looked at the view for 20 seconds, tops! That was all I had time for. I did note one of the boats on the Chicago River, taking tourists on the architectural tour.

Just last week, I was as free as they were today. I put in long hours hunting for a job, but I worked when I wanted. I could take time off in the middle of the day to play. No more, but that's a good thing. At least I am making 2.5 times what I was getting on unemployment. Minnesota has far higher unemployment benefits than Illinois.

Early this afternoon, a recruiter called me at my cell phone about another contract job downtown. I told him to get back with me in 6 - 7 months.

I am trying hard to schedule GRS 6-7 months from now. If my temporary employer should offer me a permanent position in 6 months, I will postpone surgery. Or ask my boss if there is a problem with my going ahead at the initially scheduled time.

Sunday afternoon, 'X' dropped me off at my 3-hour electrolysis session. He told me he had something in mind and drove off. I suspected he was going to the half price sale at a thrift shop he likes. Then I thought, this is dangerous -a man buying clothes for me. Would I want to wear any of it?

He met me at the end of my electrolysis session with a large bag full of blouses. Turns out I liked just about everything he bought. Earlier in the day, I had stopped at Kohl's and bought a top for $30. It wasn't nearly as nice as most of the items he picked out at the thrift store. Some of his finds were big name brands, others were exquisitely crafted items from Hong Kong. He did well.

[Danya (imported)]

Today, there was a magnitude 5 earthquake near Ottawa, Canada. Some residents of the Chicago area felt it. I was not one of them.

We have been having an awful lot of rainy, hot, humid weather. Two nights ago, there was a tornado on the ground in nearby Crystal Lake. Tornado sirens went off in my town.

The rain and wind were so bad this morning that it took me three hours to get to work. I drove to the 'L', which I then took downtown.

The weather improved during the day but, late in the afternoon, there were severe thunderstorm warnings. On the trip home, a mere two hour journey, there was a tornado warning.

It would be very nice to have a stretch of dry weather. Particularly this weekend, when I will move to my new place. Instead, scattered thunderstorms are in the forecast. I am beginning to wonder if this is Chicago's monsoon season.

I am happy with my new job. It took me a day or two to adjust, but now things are going relatively smoothly. There are many things for me to learn, which is something I enjoy.

Yesterday, a coworker in the same group asked if I was getting enough help. He said he wanted to make sure I come back next week! Today, my boss said at a meeting that she hoped they hadn't scared me off. I take these comments as good signs. Apparently, they want me to stay.

When I got home, there was an email waiting about a permanent position at the same company where I am a contract (temporary) worker. I had applied for a permanent job there several weeks ago. Now they are telling me I am a good match for the permanent opportunity. And would I provide more information. I will!

I just have to find the time tomorrow night, which will be difficult. I need to take my computer to the new apartment tomorrow evening because the internet connection is being put in Friday morning. 'X' will handle the details on Friday. I will likely stay in the new place tomorrow night since I have to make the trip, over half way back to my job, to get the computer there.

That could be time consuming. One thing about Chicago is that traffic can be really bad at any time of day. It doesn't matter whether you are heading into or out of downtown, either.

[Danya (imported)]

After three days of fighting traffic to either drive all the way downtown or to the closest 'L' station, I wised up an took a Metra train from a station six miles away from home. It was still a four hour round trip commute but I could relax on the train.

I was so worn out from commuting earlier this week that I was beginning to wonder if working downtown was such a good thing! Today, after leaving most of the commute to Metra, I arrived at work calm and put in a good day. I was excited (it doesn't take much with me at times) when I left work to find the streets jammed with people. I was happy to be downtown again.

Work is going better than I had hoped. I am picking up what I need at a rapid pace. I learned that a coworker started as a contract employee, just like me. He now has a permanent job. The same could happen for me. Anyway, I am very happy to be working again. My boss and coworkers are helpful and very professional. Although it is too early to say for sure, this seems like a much better work environment than my last job.

The internet connection for my new apartment has been moved up to tomorrow. My lease on the new place started today. Tonight, I need to get my computer to the new place along with clothes and other essentials. By the time I get there (it is already 8 PM), it will be too late to return. I will sleep on the floor tonight, which I do not mind as long as I have pillows. Tomorrow, I won't have to get up nearly as early for work.

This weekend, I hope to have time to pick up some new skirts to wear to the office next week.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

I'd love to see you in your new clothes, Danya.. You sound like you're having a good time...Be well dragonfly

[Mac (imported)]

Danya,

I am glad to hear that the job is going well for you and wish you luck in getting the permanent position there.

[Danya (imported)]

I'd love to see you in your new clothes, Danya.. You sound like you're having a good time...Be well dragonfly

I am not likely to post more photos of myself here. Butterflyjack. You never know, though.

I am having a very good time. Best wishes to you.

Danya

Danya,

I am glad to hear that the job is going well for y

ou and wish you luck in getting the permanent position there.

Things are going very well, Mac

. Thanks for the good wishes.

Hugs,

Danya

After partially moving into the new place, located along the northwest edge of the city, Thursday evening I drove to work on Friday. I took only twenty minutes to get downtown and park. Traffic just happened to be flowing smoothly. Normally, I will take public transportation.

I spent the entire weekend moving the rest of my things. Still very short on furniture, but that's OK. I want to continue to keep my life as simple as possible.

I may not post much for awhile. My life is settling into what I hope will become a more normal routine. I do not know when I will have anything interesting to post.

[Danya (imported)]

I am still being contacted for phone interviews fo

r permanent jobs I applied for

weeks ago. A corporate recruiter wrote to me at 10:30 tonight to set up a phone interview. I can work this out to speak privately from my current, contract job. This opportunity is downtown.

Once I am more settled, and unpacked, in my new apartment I will start applying for more permanent positions. It's easier to find another job when you are already employed.

It is only 11.2 miles from the new place to parking downtown, one block from the office. If only parking were less expensive. :-\

In any event, I will switch to commuting by public transit soon. It will save money and it is a matter of principle. Far too many people, including me for now, commute alone in the cars.

[Danya (imported)]

At times, I wish I had a wise parent who would still offer this older person good advice on life and love. Both of my parents are long gone. My childhood was difficult in many ways. I was never a child at all, but I am sure this is true for many here. Despite my emotional abandonment by both parents, my father came through at times with surprisingly sound advice. Toward the end of his life, he finally understood that I could not ever be like a 'typical' male child and he told me he hoped I would never change. What he meant was that he wished that I would always be true to myself. I have written here before that I believe my parents, most particularly my father, would have accepted me as a trans woman. Given some time to adjust. Perhaps dealing with, and letting go of, feelings of anger and loss.

I feel a bit adrift now and wish my father were still around. Even at the age of 58, I miss biological family. Or at least a feeling of connection that grounds me. I am very independent. With that comes a lot of freedom.

There is also the possibility that I will

make mistakes that I might not with someone around to talk sense to me.

Things with 'X' have been up and down this week. [He reads this thread from time to time, too ] He is a sweetheart and a romantic. We are very different in our outlooks on some things I have always considered of fundamental importance. Nonetheless, I am aware that my view of what is truly important may be too restrictive. This is when I miss the counsel of someone who has known me my whole life.

None of this may make much sense. I am tired from a long week at work. I am glad to be working, but I am still stressed out because this is not a permanent job. My life is still more unsettled than I like. But life is beautiful and I am fortunate in many ways.

This morning, I had a phone interview for a perma

nent job downtown. I'll know in a week or

two whether I will have an in person interview. If I do, this employer's office is just four blocks away from my current office.

'X' and I heard Chopin's Piano Concerto Number 1 Wednesday evening at Millennium Park downtown. Both orchestra and pianist were superb. This open air venue has won awards for its superb sound system design. The sound quality is really like that of a concert hall.

Thursday evening, we went to the Chicago Botanic Garden. Toward the end of the evening, we grabbed seats to hear a live trio perform Spanish music. They were very good and it was fun to watch families dance as they enjoyed the pleasant temperature and lively tunes.

This evening (Friday), we went to a 'chick flick' that brought tears to two sets of eyes.

[Danya (imported)]

Things are going very well at my new job. I have been told several times that they are very pleased. The work is challenging, to say the least. I always enjoy a challenge and will manage this one.

'X' and I are no longer dating. I had a very good time while this relationship lasted. He is still helping me out in a few ways.

I got a message today from the Victim's Services Unit of the county court system where the drunk driver ran into and totaled my car in late March. The case has not been plea bargained out and will go to trial in August. I know I will be supoenaed to testify. I will return the call Monday to get the details. Unfortunately, I will need to take unpaid time from work for this but it will be worth it.

I moved into the new apartment on June 24 but will need to find another place ASAP. I was in a rush to find a place and foolishly thought anything being rented would have to meet municipal codes for structural integrity and so on. Certainly this is not always the case in Chicago. I am renting the converted attic/top floor of a house near the northwestern edge of the city. Some things with the place make it unhealthy for me, especially in regards to allergies and asthma. I have spoken with the landlord and suggested repairs to remedy things. He says he cannot afford them. He is willing to let me break the lease to move. I will modify both his and my copies of the lease to reflect the change from an agreed on period to month-to-month. We will both initial any changes. Both of us will sign and both date a statement at the end noting that the lease has been amended to change it from a set period to month-to-month. A good friend in Minnesota used to be a realtor. She gave me this plan. It sounds good to me!

If anyone has any other suggestions, please feel free to offer them.

I will try to write more over the weekend. For now, I want to get out of this mold-ridden environment at home.

[butterflyjack (imported)]

Hi Danya..You're one tough girl...I love the way, even when the chips aren't falling your way, you manage to be grateful for your overall condition.Wonderful outlook...Sorry (maybe?) for your breakup with X. You mentioned their were deep rooted differences in your basic thoughts...Perhaps it's for the best...He seems to be a decent fellow...Be well smooches dragonfly

[Danya (imported)]

Hi Danya..You're one tough girl...I love the way, even when the chips aren't falling your way, you manage to be grateful for your overall condition.Wonderful outlook

Hi Butterflyjack,

I do not feel particularly tough right now, but thanks for the compliment. When I looked back at my last post, I was surprised at how many errors I had made in such a short space. This comes from being out of it from my allergies. I still don't feel that I am writing well. Oh well, it doesn't matter. I trust readers will forgive me.

...Sorry (maybe?) for your breakup with X. You mentioned their were deep rooted differences in your basic thoughts...Perhaps it's for the best...He seems to be a decent fellow...Be well smooches dragonfly

The whole experience with 'X' has been an eye opener. I have some very good memories. I never once dated as a teen. Dating 'X' opened my eyes to some possibilities I thought I had no desire to pursue. Like finding an emotionally and physically satisfying intimate relationship with another person.

Thanks for writing.

Hugs,

Danya

[Danya (imported)]

I went out to dinner this evening (Friday), finding a relatively inexpensive joint. When I arrived at the restaurant, I found myself envying the folks enjoying their food outside. The temperatures in Chicagoland were not unpleasant today and the humidity was tolerable.

Nonetheless, I continued to suffer from allergies. When things are this bad, it is hard for me to focus. It takes more energy and this makes me feel tired. My eyes are so bothered that it is more difficult for me to read. A good rationale for explaining the many spelling errors, corrected now (I hope!), in my first post of this evening.

It may not be until the first cool days of September that I start to get back to normal. That's at least two months away.

When I returned home, I decided to go back to the high prednisone dose prescribed by the hospital emergency clinic attending physician Tuesday evening. My personal physician (and hormone doctor) wanted to reduce this, but he told me if things were not better he would increase the dose. He was rightly concerned about prescribing prednisone.

Forty-five minutes have passed since I took this miracle drug. It really does work wonders on reducing symptoms from severe inflammation. Already, I am starting to feel back to normal. It seems like a fog is clearing and I can experience life just like everyone else! Rather than staying inside all summer, in a well air-conditioned space, I can spend time outside while the weather is warm. This is what I want, but cannot always have.

Forget those balmy breezes off of Lake Michigan. With prednisone, I need not be concerned that the fog will descend again. I breathe easily, my energy returns and all is well.

The down side is I cannot stay on this very high dose of prednisone for many days. The side effects are too severe. Among the more benign are insomnia, mania and...depression. The drug also intensifies essential tremor. This is a seizure (whatever happened to 'i' before 'e' except after 'c'?) disorder that is inherited. Normally, it is a minor nuisance and although a few people notice I do not mind. On prednisone, I cannot legibly sign my name or read what I write. It's all worth it, sort of, for the release from multiple allergy symptoms.

I had gone since last August without an attack this severe. This one is actually worse than any others. I have more symptoms. I naively thought that, having somehow skipped over my usual late winter-early spring attack for the first time, I was now immune. Hardly.

Next week, I will try to find a doctor here who may have a better, long-term answer for me. I'll start by checking with my HRT doctor, an internist. He's the one I drove downtown to see late on a sick day Wednesday. When it was at least 94 F outside with stifling humidity.

If possible, I need to get my allergies under much better control. Moving to a new apartment will help, but it is not a complete answer. [A move to the moderate coast of the Pacific Northwest might be, though, or coastal northern California.] The only thing I am allergic to, if you discount my mild allergy to pigweed (of all things!), is....all types of mold. I am extremely allergic to all mold. This area's hot, humid summer days provide perfect conditions for mold to proliferate and cast its myriad spores into the air. Only to reach my nose and lungs.

I do not know if the situation has changed at all for the better, but at least until a few years ago there was no such thing as an effective allergy shot for mold sensitivity. I am concerned, though, that I am at a new job where I need to perform well and to feel my very best. Because most days now, I do not feel at my best. I also need to smile and chat a bit when coworkers come to me for information. I want to respond this way, and was known for this at my last job (even more so my gender transitioned self), but fear that with low energy and laryngitis I may not always seem enthusiastic. I need to speak up at meetings. This is problematic for now, but I will do it.

Time for action. It may not do any good but I cannot assume there is not a better solution until I do some searching. Perhaps there is hope to be found in the treatments of the non-Western variety.

Despite the many hot, humid days when I do not feel at my best I still put in a good day's work. I am glad to be downtown at a fine job, which may yet become permanent.

Downtown...the Circle, best left for another post.

Tomorrow I will look for an apartment or a room in the near city suburbs. I may yet stay within the city limits. City, suburbs - both have attractions. At this point, I would take a quiet bungalow in farm country. Time will tell where I wind up.

Now that it is very late, I am too tired to check for errors.

[Danya (imported)]

I met Erica Ann for lunch today. It was great to see her, as usual. She offered some helpful advice on finding a new place in the city. I showed her apartments ads from a local area paper. 'X' came over while I was gone Friday and left this, circling the ads he knew were similar to what I want and in good neighborhoods. I very much appreciated this.

My current apartment is making me ill. I could smell the mold when I returned from lunch and my lips tingle here. At the emergency room earlier in the week, with its well controlled environment, my symptoms totally disappeared after several hours. This was before I received any treatment. I am hopeful that once I move, my condition will significantly improve.

Although I hope to find a decent studio or 1 bedroom apartment, I will also search for a furnished room with a private bath. A problem with an apartment is I now have no furniture. With the exceptions of a small computer desk, a microwave oven, a floor lamp and a few smaller items that now include two pillows and a floor fan. Almost forgot my computer and laptop! My computers may be the most important things I own. Not only do they enable me to look for work, they allow me to keep in touch with many friends. Months ago, I accepted this situation as necessary to enable me to get where I need to be. I simply need to work within my limits and all will be well.

Until I find a place, I will take up residence at a reasonably priced hotel. I do not like to spend the money for this, but I have no choice. I absolutely must be in better condition in the coming week. At the office Tuesday, I will be leading part of a multi-state conference call. I need to do a very good job.

[Danya (imported)]

I am now staying at a Extended Stay hotel near O'Hare. Within an hour or two after arriving, I started to feel much better. Nearly all of my symptoms were gone by morning.

On the way home from the office, I

needed to stop at the apartment for a few things. By the time I gathered what I needed, I was having bad allergy symptoms. Because of this, when I move to a new place I may pay some young men to move my things from the apartment to my car. When I am moving heavy items, I more deeply breathe in mold.

Over the weekend, I had a nightmare. I rarely have these. This one was, on the surface, about the immense size of the Chicago metro region and the city, too. It seemed, in the dream, more than I could handle. I am never bothered navigating my way around this place and don't usually mind the traffic.

I think my dream was about several things in my life associated with Chicago, not about the area itself:

1. The end of my relationship with Wayne. This had to be, but I got tremendous enjoyment out of much of the time we spent together. He will always remain my first boyfriend. That in itself is exciting. Adjusting to his absence, however, will take a few days more.

2. Spending unnecessarily on one apartment only to find I need to locate another place to live.

3. Dealing with my extreme allergic reaction to mold.

4. Still adjusting to a new job that is challenging.

5. Feeling, for a short while only, that I left so much behind in Minnesota to come here. For a few minutes, I was feeling homeless. Of course,I do not truly know what that is like.

In my dream, I certainly felt overwhelmed. But I do not find this place overwhelming. Some of what has been going on in my life lately has pushed my coping mechanisms. I am coping well again.

Was the move worth it? Yes, it was. I am in a city I love. I enjoy many areas outside Chicago and Cook County, too. Chicagoland has a tremendous amount to offer.

I am getting far better electrolysis results and HRT here.

As I had hoped and predicted, I found a job in Chicago relatively quickly. Only about three months passed since I began looking and was offered the job.

My close woman friend in Minnesota, in the related field of project management, still concludes that I made the right choice in leaving the Twin Cities. So does my Minnesota career coach. I speak to both regularly and I agree with them.

Now, I have few of the life possessions I once enjoyed. Most are inconsequential. But I miss a comfortable chair to sit in and read. I also miss a comfortable bed. I do not miss TV. If I had extended cable with things like the Discovery channel, I would enjoy a few shows. I have few possessions beyond my clothes, shoes, jewelry, a microwave and some similar items. I still believe I have taken the best path to get to where I want to be in my life.

What I have discovered since moving to the Chicago area is that I really do not need that many things. Don't get me wrong. When I have more money I will get more of the comforts of home. But I don't know that I will ever acquire as much as I once had. I am fine with that. I need to work hard to save money for retirement and things like GRS. Someday, before more than a few years have passed, I hope to have the resources to travel again.

Last night, for the first time in a few weeks, I slept on a very comfortable bed here at the hotel. I was in heaven! Before bed, I enjoyed a nice, long soak in a tub of hot water.

I will find another place to stay soon. I am leaning towards a room with private bath on a month to month rental basis. Northwest Chicago, where I now reside and am looking to remain, is safe and centrally located. It would still be a bit difficult to get from here to a certain health care company up near northern Lake County. This lab has lots of contract jobs posted on a regular basis. I'll check out this northwest city area more with Erica Ann. She is more familiar with distances between my location and the rest of Chicagoland. I will look into apartments with 6-month leases as a fall-back plan.

I felt almost back to normal today. My time at the office went very well and I was pleased with my work. I felt alert and my concentration was, once again, excellent. A coworker complimented me on the great job I am doing. It is always good to hear these types of things on a contract job. The challenge I feel at my assignment is a very good thing. It is stretching my comfort zone while giving me knowledge of new tools of the Business Analyst. I enjoy this. These things will be very useful if I look for another job.

I do not know if I have mentioned this before. There are a significant number of women at the office, and to be seen downtown, wearing dresses or skirts and tops. My Minnesota friend claims fewer women dress this way in the Twin Cities (next to none in her upscale office) and that Chicago women have 'more style.' Whether or not her assessment is correct, I will wear a dress to the office tomorrow. I cannot wait!

[John (imported)]

Hi My Friend!

Reading the beginning made me really worried but then coming to the part in the end with your feelings at the office I think I will try to wind down again.

As always I cross my fingers and include you in my prayers.

Greetings

John