Hi!
That sounds great, as far as I have heard one should always prefer to have bigger operations made in the cooler part of the year as the risk of infections is much less then.
Greetings
John
Transitioning at work and in all of my life
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John (imported)
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transward (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Congratulations. Over the years I have known eight or ten of Dr. Brassard's SRS patients. To a woman they have been very pleased w/ the outcome. All surgeons can have problems, but the three you mentioned Toby. Marcie and Brassard seem to have fewer than other SRS surgeons. (Plus Dr. Brassard has the reputation of being way cute) You go girl.
Transward
Transward
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
mrt (imported) wrote: Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:12 pm Thats great news! Congrats on picking a doctor and hope you get a date soon!
I'll be getting to work on
k of infections is much less then.John (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:58 am setting things in motion in the next few days.
Hi!
That sounds great, as far as I have heard one should always prefer to have bigger operations made in the cooler part of the year as the ris
Greetings
John
Montreal can be quite cool in January or February! I've be
other SRS surgeons. (Plus Dr. Brassard has the reputation of being way cute) You go girl.transward (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2010 1:29 am en there twice and enjoy the city. With surgery, though, I wouldn't have much chance for sightseeing.
Congratulations. Over the years I have known eight or ten of Dr. Brassard's SRS patients. To a woman they have been very pleased w/ the outcome. All surgeons can have problems, but the three you mentioned Toby. Marcie and Brassard seem to have fewer than
Transward
Knowing these women have been happy with their surgery results is good news. Way cute, huh? Definitely an added bonus!
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
My boss is often out of town. When she's at the office she is extremely busy. Today was the first time we had to chat since I started in late June.
She shared that she had heard many good comments about my work, and me, from people in her group and those in other groups. There are some meetings coming up which I would not have to attend since I am not a permanent employee. I told her, though, that I was very interested in learning ways to more effectively perform my job.
She then reminded me of something she said at the interview. After 6 months, they will look about 2 years down the road to determine if there would be enough work to justify brining me on permanently. Then she added that, since I am respected in several other departments, I might well be offered a job by one of those. One of these departments is more technically oriented, which I am especially well prepared for. It is far too early to get an inkling of how this will play out, but I have reason to be hopeful.
Were I to be offered a permanent position, I would be thrilled but not only because I need a good job with great benefits. This company is one of the small minority of corporations that will pa
Whether or not I am hired on there, I will proceed with GRS for several reasons. I need to be even more cautious with my money to ensure this works out. If I become their employee, I will likely need to wait a year to be eligible for a leave of absence. The wait would be worth it.
'X' and I attended the concert at Millinnium Park this evening where Franz Liszt's Piano Concerto #2 was performed. The pianist was technically very fine. It seemed the sound from orchestra and piano were not well balanced. This piece no longer excites me the way it did in my high school days, but it was enjoyable. I was not moved by Stravinsky's "The Fairy Kiss"
I'm a big fan of some of Stravinsky's earlier works like "The Rite of Spring." Back when it was first performed, it was considered revolutionary. The late "The Fairy's Kiss" seemed too conventional.
My favorite part of the concert was the final work, Tchaikovs
My friend 'X' and I stopped for burgers at "The Billy Goat." Years ago, there was a Saturday Night Live skit based on this joint. I think Bill Murray and John Belushi were in it. They took orders and repeated something like "Cheezeboger, cheezeboger, no fries, cheeps." Back then, I didn't think such a place actually existed. It does and they speak just as they were portrayed in the skit.
The deceased owner used to own a goat. He would take it with him to places that would not normally allow a goat in!
Once, he tried to take the goat to a Cubs game. He, or at least the goat, was refused. The guy put a curse on the Cubs and they haven't done well since!
She shared that she had heard many good comments about my work, and me, from people in her group and those in other groups. There are some meetings coming up which I would not have to attend since I am not a permanent employee. I told her, though, that I was very interested in learning ways to more effectively perform my job.
She then reminded me of something she said at the interview. After 6 months, they will look about 2 years down the road to determine if there would be enough work to justify brining me on permanently. Then she added that, since I am respected in several other departments, I might well be offered a job by one of those. One of these departments is more technically oriented, which I am especially well prepared for. It is far too early to get an inkling of how this will play out, but I have reason to be hopeful.
Were I to be offered a permanent position, I would be thrilled but not only because I need a good job with great benefits. This company is one of the small minority of corporations that will pa
double-checked last night.
Whether or not I am hired on there, I will proceed with GRS for several reasons. I need to be even more cautious with my money to ensure this works out. If I become their employee, I will likely need to wait a year to be eligible for a leave of absence. The wait would be worth it.
'X' and I attended the concert at Millinnium Park this evening where Franz Liszt's Piano Concerto #2 was performed. The pianist was technically very fine. It seemed the sound from orchestra and piano were not well balanced. This piece no longer excites me the way it did in my high school days, but it was enjoyable. I was not moved by Stravinsky's "The Fairy Kiss"
feel asleep at a live performance! Of course, having gotten no more than 6 hours sleep the night before and working all day contributed.
I'm a big fan of some of Stravinsky's earlier works like "The Rite of Spring." Back when it was first performed, it was considered revolutionary. The late "The Fairy's Kiss" seemed too conventional.
My favorite part of the concert was the final work, Tchaikovs
he way out, I saw that the Chicago Symphony Orchestra will be giving a free Millennium Park concert on a Sunday in September. I don't want to miss that.
My friend 'X' and I stopped for burgers at "The Billy Goat." Years ago, there was a Saturday Night Live skit based on this joint. I think Bill Murray and John Belushi were in it. They took orders and repeated something like "Cheezeboger, cheezeboger, no fries, cheeps." Back then, I didn't think such a place actually existed. It does and they speak just as they were portrayed in the skit.
The deceased owner used to own a goat. He would take it with him to places that would not normally allow a goat in!
Once, he tried to take the goat to a Cubs game. He, or at least the goat, was refused. The guy put a curse on the Cubs and they haven't done well since!-
Mac (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya,
That sounds like a good opportunity for you. Hang in there!!
That sounds like a good opportunity for you. Hang in there!!
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transward (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
transward (imported) wrote: Sat Jul 31, 2010 5:05 pm See linked video to see what I mean:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd_JOTSJkDM
Transward
Wow, Pierre is most handsome.
I wonder if he's married?? I'm very happy that I am moving forward with scheduling GRS. If I find I need to postpone surgery because I have a permanent job, that will be fine. I'll still know I've got things rolling to get to where I want to be.
I will email Pierre Brassard's office in the morning, with some questions. I have informtion his office sent in mid-June.
Tomorrow, Sunday, I have another three hour electrolysis session. After five months of intense work, I am delighted with the results but I could also use a weekend off. I have not missed a single week of electrolysis since I started treatment on March 6, just two days after I moved to the Chicago area. In addition to weekend visits, I've also had some mid-week appointments.
I have very little regrowth on my upper lip, perhaps the most difficult area to treat. After a few more sessions, I hope we can cut the weekly treatments back to two hours. My electrologist continues to tell me that, because of the higher current and additional hours of treatment I have had, I am much further along than typical for 5 months of work. This is good!
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
A thoughtful person here sent me a private message telling me that he knows someone who got terrific surgery results with Dr. Pierre Brassard.
Being with 'X' taught me a number of important lessons. Although I have always wanted GRS, I truly regretted not having had this surgery when 'X' and I were intimate. I am a sexual being and I find this wait for surgery to be difficult. Even after I set a surgery date, there is a high probability I will need to postpone it. If my boss extends the contract, for instance, I will not be able to turn this down unless I have found a permanent job someplace else. Were I to turn down a contract extension, I would not be eligible for unemployment. In the end, the absolutely critical piece is that I survive financially. As much as I want GRS, it is not my ultimate consideration.
There are several secondary reasons why I believe GRS would be beneficial at this time in my life. I may discuss these at some point soon.
My electrologist told me today that soon we will be able to reduce our time from three to two hours per week. Much of the work she is now doing is on very fine hair. For the first time, I could have skipped shaving altogether this week and no one would have noticed.
Being with 'X' taught me a number of important lessons. Although I have always wanted GRS, I truly regretted not having had this surgery when 'X' and I were intimate. I am a sexual being and I find this wait for surgery to be difficult. Even after I set a surgery date, there is a high probability I will need to postpone it. If my boss extends the contract, for instance, I will not be able to turn this down unless I have found a permanent job someplace else. Were I to turn down a contract extension, I would not be eligible for unemployment. In the end, the absolutely critical piece is that I survive financially. As much as I want GRS, it is not my ultimate consideration.
There are several secondary reasons why I believe GRS would be beneficial at this time in my life. I may discuss these at some point soon.
My electrologist told me today that soon we will be able to reduce our time from three to two hours per week. Much of the work she is now doing is on very fine hair. For the first time, I could have skipped shaving altogether this week and no one would have noticed.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I don't know if this will go beyond one post. I have already noted why GRS is so right for me and much of this post will not be new. I absolutely agree that by far
It is one of life's great tragedies that so many people never accept who they are and fail to live in a way that brings joy. Too many fear what others will think if they are at all different. Or they never bother to go on the journey into self-discovery.
Despite everything I have been through over the last year, I know I am fortunate because I am living life as me. Danya. I am now at a job where no one knows of my life before transitioning. This gives me a wonderful feeling of freedom.
Yet I find this time anticipating surgery, during a period of considerable uncertainty in my life, to be challenging. I accept that I can continue to enjoy the happiness I have known since transitioning even if I never have surgery. My life is already richer, since I transitioned, than I would ever have imagined possible. I already had a rich life, too, before I transitioned. It just didn't fully correspond with the real person I am.
But I have no regrets. For whatever reasons, it took me a very long time to know myself w
I am challenged now because I want to move my life to what is, for this male-to-female woman, an important next step. I want to be able to fully express myself physically as a woman.
When my marriage ended, in 1995, I thought for a time I was gay. I never enjoyed gay sex, although I had many partners over several years. I certainly tried to enjoy it! I still do not enjoy what many gay men view as the most intimate expression of their sexuality: penetrative anal sex. And as trite as it may sound, I do not want to be
Before 'X', I thought a relationship might be nice. Now I know an intimate relationship is something I would like. I want to know I can perform as a woman, even if the right man never comes into my life.
There are a few other secondary reasons for wanting GRS. I may send private messages to a few folks here to get their take on these. In the end, only I can know what will work best for me. I do not want to make this thread a battleground of competing ideas.
One of the things that concerns me about not having GRS is that I might experience employment discrimination. Particularly if I am not offered a permanent position where I work downtown, but instead find myself working in the typically more conservative suburbs.
Until some point in the early 2000s, the social security administration would change your gender from male to female if you were transitioning. They probably required that you be on cross gender hormones.
My legal name is a female one, my drivers license shows that I am female and all of my degrees have my new name. Both my Minnesota and Illinois gender therapists have told me that when I get to serious hiring discussions, I need to inform someone in HR that I am transgender. Friends in the corporate world agree.
If I do not, once my social security taxes are submitted, the SSA will send the company a notice of the discrepancy between their 'male' marker for me and the company's female designation.
Withholding this information is viewed by some companies, probably with justification, as lying. In theory, I should be able to tell an HR department that I am trans and HIPPA regulations will prevent them from passing this information along.
What I have read on a number of reputable sites, operated by very successful trans women, is that many pre-op trans women are initially welcomed by new employers. After a time, though, coworkers can start to feel uneasy with a not fully transitioned woman in their midst. Some may view the woman as simply a man in a dress, not understanding the difference between cross-dressing and transitioning genders.
Both my Minnesota and Illinois therapists have told me the situation for trans women can be difficult in the suburbs.
My Minnesota sweetheart of a therapist, however, echoes what others have told me. My educational background and work experience will compensate for any such negatives. These people may be absolutely correct.
They also note that the situation for trans women is generally better in the world of IT. My new job is not in IT, however. It's not even in the technology group. All is well, though.
Another important factor on any job, most particularly for this trans woman, is not to make a big issue of being trans. I do not mention it at all. I dress relatively conservatively, too.
One also needs to be competent, helpful, a hard worker and so on. I have read that trans women need to work harder than anyone else to overcome any stigma. Many say that no matter how well one passes, you will be clocked or 'read' at some point.
I am confident I can do my job well and this also helps.
If I have GRS, however, there will be no need to identify myself to HR as a transgender woman. In the eyes of employers and (most) coworkers I will be a woman. I won't need to announce anything.
My Chicago area therapist strongly agrees with this outlook for post-op women. She says she speaks to corporations about accepting trans workers. Some remain great places for the transgender employee. Many do not. Corporations can find all kinds of reasons for firing someone they no longer want on the payroll.
I will be able to honestly mark my 'sex' as female on applications, too. This is something I have had to work around to this point.
This issue has not bothered me until recently. I simply felt I would succeed. I had to.
But as the economy continues to struggle along, I am thinking about the best ways to ensure I continue to succeed. In a society that still has little understanding of trans folk.
My electrologist, herself a trans woman, does not agree with my therapist. She transitioned before the Social Security Administration changed its policy, however, she they see her as female. She points out that she knows pre-op trans women in the burbs who have found jobs.
My point is not that I'd be unable to find a job. I want to find one and keep it. I do not want to have to worry that an initially welcoming company will turn unfriendly.
Perhaps I am making too much of this. I have been told I pass well and I am almost always 'ma'amed' on the phone. Then there's that education and experience stuff which will supposedly work in my favor. But right now, I am unable to shake my concern for what seems to be a potential roadblock to long term employment. I'm not losing sleep over this, at least.
I welcome thoughtful comments, as always.
person (male-to-female, female-to-male or some other less polar identity) is self-knowledge and acceptance. For that matter, this is critical for everyone's growth and fulfillment, trans or not. We are who we know ourselves to be, regardless of outward appearances or anyone else's thoughts of who we are or should be.
It is one of life's great tragedies that so many people never accept who they are and fail to live in a way that brings joy. Too many fear what others will think if they are at all different. Or they never bother to go on the journey into self-discovery.
Despite everything I have been through over the last year, I know I am fortunate because I am living life as me. Danya. I am now at a job where no one knows of my life before transitioning. This gives me a wonderful feeling of freedom.
Yet I find this time anticipating surgery, during a period of considerable uncertainty in my life, to be challenging. I accept that I can continue to enjoy the happiness I have known since transitioning even if I never have surgery. My life is already richer, since I transitioned, than I would ever have imagined possible. I already had a rich life, too, before I transitioned. It just didn't fully correspond with the real person I am.
But I have no regrets. For whatever reasons, it took me a very long time to know myself w
ion to transition. All I have is today and the future, and those promise to be very good.
I am challenged now because I want to move my life to what is, for this male-to-female woman, an important next step. I want to be able to fully express myself physically as a woman.
When my marriage ended, in 1995, I thought for a time I was gay. I never enjoyed gay sex, although I had many partners over several years. I certainly tried to enjoy it! I still do not enjoy what many gay men view as the most intimate expression of their sexuality: penetrative anal sex. And as trite as it may sound, I do not want to be
man while I still have male plumbing.
Before 'X', I thought a relationship might be nice. Now I know an intimate relationship is something I would like. I want to know I can perform as a woman, even if the right man never comes into my life.
There are a few other secondary reasons for wanting GRS. I may send private messages to a few folks here to get their take on these. In the end, only I can know what will work best for me. I do not want to make this thread a battleground of competing ideas.
One of the things that concerns me about not having GRS is that I might experience employment discrimination. Particularly if I am not offered a permanent position where I work downtown, but instead find myself working in the typically more conservative suburbs.
Until some point in the early 2000s, the social security administration would change your gender from male to female if you were transitioning. They probably required that you be on cross gender hormones.
My legal name is a female one, my drivers license shows that I am female and all of my degrees have my new name. Both my Minnesota and Illinois gender therapists have told me that when I get to serious hiring discussions, I need to inform someone in HR that I am transgender. Friends in the corporate world agree.
If I do not, once my social security taxes are submitted, the SSA will send the company a notice of the discrepancy between their 'male' marker for me and the company's female designation.
Withholding this information is viewed by some companies, probably with justification, as lying. In theory, I should be able to tell an HR department that I am trans and HIPPA regulations will prevent them from passing this information along.
What I have read on a number of reputable sites, operated by very successful trans women, is that many pre-op trans women are initially welcomed by new employers. After a time, though, coworkers can start to feel uneasy with a not fully transitioned woman in their midst. Some may view the woman as simply a man in a dress, not understanding the difference between cross-dressing and transitioning genders.
Both my Minnesota and Illinois therapists have told me the situation for trans women can be difficult in the suburbs.
My Minnesota sweetheart of a therapist, however, echoes what others have told me. My educational background and work experience will compensate for any such negatives. These people may be absolutely correct.
They also note that the situation for trans women is generally better in the world of IT. My new job is not in IT, however. It's not even in the technology group. All is well, though.
Another important factor on any job, most particularly for this trans woman, is not to make a big issue of being trans. I do not mention it at all. I dress relatively conservatively, too.
One also needs to be competent, helpful, a hard worker and so on. I have read that trans women need to work harder than anyone else to overcome any stigma. Many say that no matter how well one passes, you will be clocked or 'read' at some point.
I am confident I can do my job well and this also helps.
If I have GRS, however, there will be no need to identify myself to HR as a transgender woman. In the eyes of employers and (most) coworkers I will be a woman. I won't need to announce anything.
My Chicago area therapist strongly agrees with this outlook for post-op women. She says she speaks to corporations about accepting trans workers. Some remain great places for the transgender employee. Many do not. Corporations can find all kinds of reasons for firing someone they no longer want on the payroll.
I will be able to honestly mark my 'sex' as female on applications, too. This is something I have had to work around to this point.
This issue has not bothered me until recently. I simply felt I would succeed. I had to.
But as the economy continues to struggle along, I am thinking about the best ways to ensure I continue to succeed. In a society that still has little understanding of trans folk.
My electrologist, herself a trans woman, does not agree with my therapist. She transitioned before the Social Security Administration changed its policy, however, she they see her as female. She points out that she knows pre-op trans women in the burbs who have found jobs.
My point is not that I'd be unable to find a job. I want to find one and keep it. I do not want to have to worry that an initially welcoming company will turn unfriendly.
Perhaps I am making too much of this. I have been told I pass well and I am almost always 'ma'amed' on the phone. Then there's that education and experience stuff which will supposedly work in my favor. But right now, I am unable to shake my concern for what seems to be a potential roadblock to long term employment. I'm not losing sleep over this, at least.
I welcome thoughtful comments, as always.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
...I welcome thoughtful comments.
I am not surprised no one has responded. This is something I need to figure out on my own and I will. There is no easy answer. I also realize this may be a sensitive topic for some other people here.
This evening, I finally sent additional questions to Dr. Brassard's office. For some reason, this process of contacting GRS physicians seems unreal to me. Almost as if this remains an impossible dream.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
I am not surprised no one has responded. This is something I need to figure out on my own and I will. There is no easy answer. I also realize this may be a sensitive topic for some other people here.
This evening, I finally sent additional questions to Dr. Brassard's office. For some reason, this process of contacting GRS physicians seems unreal to me. Almost as if this remains an impossible dream.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
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John (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya (imported) wrote: Tue Aug 03, 2010 11:02 am ...I welcome thoughtful comments.
Just got an automated reply to my email to Pierre Brassard's office. They are on vacation until August 16th! I must be patient.
Hello!
Then after surgery you have to be a patient patient!
Greetings
John64
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butterflyjack (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Danya..Sorry for not replying sooner...I just now read your post...
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?) hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?) hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
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Danya (imported)
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Posting Rank
Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hello!
Hi John,
I had no idea you were such a comedian! I needed a laugh tonight and reading your post gave me that. I've been far too introspective today.
Hugs,
Danya
John (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:30 am Then after surgery you have to be a patient patient!
Greetings
John64
Hi John,
I had no idea you were such a comedian!
I needed a laugh tonight and reading your post gave me that. I've been far too introspective today.Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am Hi Danya..Sorry for not replying sooner...I just now read your post...
Sexual orientation is a wild and weird topic... I'm a cross- dresser and consider myself sort of bi-sexual...although I've never had a gay experience....There's just parts of it that look delicious..if you know what I mean, and I think you do..
Hi Butterly Jack,
Yes, I know what you mean.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am You're gender dysmorphic??/ or whatever... I know where you're
coming from...
In a sense, I am body dysmorphic in that I view a certain area of my body as being incorrect!
I am gender dysphoric.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am You mention that many people are afraid of "coming out" and showing the world what and who they really are..I'm one of those people...You, on the other hand are one tough cookie...
While I appreciate the 'tough cookie' compliment, I do not think I am any tougher than most other transsexual persons who have chosen to live their lives openly. Or many other people dealing with all kinds of life adaptations.
In some ways, I am not at all tough. For instance, I tend to over analyze my life and what I am doing. You can find evidence of this in my long posts.
This tendency to want to analyze and understand may have led me to my earlier career as a scientist. Thank God I wised up and, since transitioning, I have No desire to be a research scientist once more. Although I still enjoy writing about science and so on.While I am much more social and open than before I transitioned between genders, I still have some very instrospective periods. The last week has been one of these times. While the "unexamined life is not worth living," according to Socrates at least, I think I at times over examine mine through introspection. I'm talking about my feelings and emotions here in addition to thoughts.
Occasionally, I'm not initially aware of how intense this introspection is. My own mother, of all people, used to relate something telling (perhaps) from my young childhood days. She said I thought so deeply it frightened her.
I'm not at all sure frightening one's mother is good. Besides, she was easily frightened. More importantly, I'm not at all sure deep thinking is necessarily useful or harmless to the thinker. I'm only half joking.butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am No one has ever seen me while taking pleasure in my little secret...a few close female friends know...One, in particular I am completely open with...and I find joy in that...
It's good you can share your secret with a few female friends. This may be all you need.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am These decisions you are making all seem so well thought out...I concur with all your ideas..
As for well thought out, please see my comments on how I can over think much of what I do.
I will admit I make an effort to carefully think certain things through. But what I had to give up, in order to successfully transition, was over thinking my actions. Instead, for the first time, for such a big life decision, I went with my feelings. Transitioning felt so completely right for me. If I had relied solely on thinking, I never would have transitioned. For others to believe you are this new person, you must believe it yourself.Just because my thoughts appear 'so well thought out' does not mean they merit agreement!
I thank you, though, for your kind remarks.butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am Sometimes I wish I were in your shoes...(10w?)
Butterfly Jack, although I think I know what you mean, the only shoes that will fit are your own, who you are meant to be.
butterflyjack (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:56 am hehe...which reminds me...I need a pedicure...think I'll go with pale pink...what do you think??
smooches dragonfly
If pale pink works for you, why not?
Hugs,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya (imported) wrote: Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:59 pm Instead, for the first time, for such a big life decision, I went with my feelings. Transitioning felt so completely right for me. If I had relied solely on thinking, I never would have transitioned. For others to believe you are this new person, you must believe it yourself.
I may
Right now, it's late and I should already be in bed.
For much of the last few weeks, I have been experiencing some turmoil over the decision to schedule Gender Reassignment Surgery. GRS is right for me for a number of reasons, but that hasn't been the issue. Thinking about the 'meaning' or significance for my life of having this surgery has been on my mind. Also how having, or not having, surgery may affect my career, my relationships with men, how I view myself and so on. I think I understand what is going on in my head
and it is a bit more complex than the issues I list might suggest.I have noted before that writing here helps me sort through my thoughts and feelings. After I wrote the last post, I realized I had accomplished just that for this turmoil over GRS. The decision to have, or not have, GRS is a major one, at least for me. By now, I have put in more than enough thinking time on the subject. Thinking things through is good, but at a certain point it becomes unproductive for me. It can also get in the way.
Just as when I transitioned, it is time for me to let go of some of my reliance on thinking and go with what I feel is right. And I feel GRS is so right at a very deep level.
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plix (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hello It has been much too long since we last chatted. I am definitely glad to hear you have a job now, even if it is not permanent. Any sort of employment in this economy is a good thing!
I certainly would not feel comfortable telling you whether you should have GRS, but I can say that it seems like a logical decision if you have lived as a woman for a long period and anticipate doing so for the rest of your life.
I think things are definitely improving for you, especially given that you are working now, and that was a major obstacle for you for quite some time. You have definitely come so far since I first met you, so that is something to be very happy about
It has been much too long since we last chatted. I am definitely glad to hear you have a job now, even if it is not permanent. Any sort of employment in this economy is a good thing!I certainly would not feel comfortable telling you whether you should have GRS, but I can say that it seems like a logical decision if you have lived as a woman for a long period and anticipate doing so for the rest of your life.
I think things are definitely improving for you, especially given that you are working now, and that was a major obstacle for you for quite some time. You have definitely come so far since I first met you, so that is something to be very happy about
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
plix (imported) wrote: Sun Aug 08, 2010 11:10 am Hello
I certainly would not feel comfortable telling you whether you should have GRS, but I can say that it seems like a logical decision if you have lived as a woman for a long period and anticipate doing so for the rest of your life.
I think things are definitely improving for you, especially given that you are working now, and that was a major obstacle for you for quite some time. You have definitely come so far since I first met you, so that is something to be very happy about
Hello young man
,I am glad to read that your are doing well, too.
My life is definitely improving and I am very thankful for that.
After my 'surprise' appearance at the Midwest MoM yesterday and this morning, I think several other people here would agree with you. I have come a long way since you and I first met, and since I first met them.
Best wishes,
Danya
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
During my relatively short visit at the Midwest MoM, I mentioned that I am seriously considering ending this thread. I have felt this way before, but always returned to writing here.
My current concerns are that:
1. I am not writing anything truly new, so
2. I've basically told my story or perhaps as much of it as I care to share.
The most important factors are:
3. My new job is draining. I'm worn out at the end of the day yet I frequently stay up too late writing here.
4. I want to spend less time thinking, and writing, about my life and more time living it.
Several members assured me that what I write is valuble and that it will help others in similar situations. They told me my story is not finished because I haven't had GRS. By extension, perhaps, I haven't met someone to love. I thought about this, a lot, on the drive home today and I'm not so sure anything else I add will be useful.
These friends also made an observation I whole heartedly agree with. The Archive is an extremely supportive environment for all kinds of people. It has been for me.
There are, unlike for my eunuch friends, a number of excellent books and web sites available to transsexual people. There are others here who have written about their experiences transitioning genders.
I'm not making any decision on this tonight. I'm too tired from driving. I'm also not looking for reassurances that what I write is helpful.
On the drive home, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about possible topics for future posts. Some of these I would never actually commit to paper, or computer server. They are too personal. Part of what I am weighing now is that, to continue this thread in a useful way, I may need to more open than I have ever been here. When I started writing on the Archive, I was told I was revealing too many personal details by more than one individual. I have been fine revealing so much. I'm not sure, though, that I want to go futher.
Some tongue in cheek examples of future topics:
1. The sudden change in driver behavior on leaving Wisconsin and entering Illinois - The Land of Suggested Speed Limits. A sociological study of the relationship between unmonitored driving behavior and the release of aggression. Implications for the long-term stability
2. My fascination with very large cities explained, including references to the only popular song I remember from my childhood and another from my long ago summer stint
3. The overexamined life is a life not fully lived, with apologies to Socrates.
4. Atonal music and its influence on the development of transsexual identities.
5. Email - its surprising role in perturbations to the space time continuum
One of the great advantages in leaving Minnesota for the Chicago area is that, here, absolutely no one has any memories of me before I transitioned. In most ways, I am living in 'stealth' mode. This has a downside, in that I have no long standing connections. I have some desire to go into stealth mode on the Archive, too.
I have mixed feelings about not continuing to post. If I decide to end this thread I will let you know.
My current concerns are that:
1. I am not writing anything truly new, so
2. I've basically told my story or perhaps as much of it as I care to share.
The most important factors are:
3. My new job is draining. I'm worn out at the end of the day yet I frequently stay up too late writing here.
4. I want to spend less time thinking, and writing, about my life and more time living it.
Several members assured me that what I write is valuble and that it will help others in similar situations. They told me my story is not finished because I haven't had GRS. By extension, perhaps, I haven't met someone to love. I thought about this, a lot, on the drive home today and I'm not so sure anything else I add will be useful.
These friends also made an observation I whole heartedly agree with. The Archive is an extremely supportive environment for all kinds of people. It has been for me.
There are, unlike for my eunuch friends, a number of excellent books and web sites available to transsexual people. There are others here who have written about their experiences transitioning genders.
I'm not making any decision on this tonight. I'm too tired from driving. I'm also not looking for reassurances that what I write is helpful.
On the drive home, I spent a fair amount of time thinking about possible topics for future posts.
Some of these I would never actually commit to paper, or computer server. They are too personal. Part of what I am weighing now is that, to continue this thread in a useful way, I may need to more open than I have ever been here. When I started writing on the Archive, I was told I was revealing too many personal details by more than one individual. I have been fine revealing so much. I'm not sure, though, that I want to go futher.Some tongue in cheek examples of future topics:
1. The sudden change in driver behavior on leaving Wisconsin and entering Illinois - The Land of Suggested Speed Limits. A sociological study of the relationship between unmonitored driving behavior and the release of aggression. Implications for the long-term stability
2. My fascination with very large cities explained, including references to the only popular song I remember from my childhood and another from my long ago summer stint
suburban Chicago. Both relate to 'downtowns.'
3. The overexamined life is a life not fully lived, with apologies to Socrates.
4. Atonal music and its influence on the development of transsexual identities.
5. Email - its surprising role in perturbations to the space time continuum
One of the great advantages in leaving Minnesota for the Chicago area is that, here, absolutely no one has any memories of me before I transitioned. In most ways, I am living in 'stealth' mode. This has a downside, in that I have no long standing connections. I have some desire to go into stealth mode on the Archive, too.
I have mixed feelings about not continuing to post. If I decide to end this thread I will let you know.
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Mac (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Danya I look forward to hearing how you are progressing. Please continue the thread.
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Mac (imported) wrote: Mon Aug 09, 2010 1:57 pm Danya I look forward to hearing how you are progressing. Please continue the thread.
Hi Mac,
I decided earlier today that I will stop writing here, on this thread. If I start writing regularly on the Archive again, at some point down the road, I will start a new thread.
My life has changed a lot over the last year. The ways I view myself, my capabilities, my adaptabilities and my life goals have changed a lot. What initially seemed like a major life disaster - losing my job over a year ago - turned out to be a very good thing. While I successfully worked
I transitioned, I understand now that transitioning genders and being my true self made my time of unemployment easier. It was even fun, at times.
My short visit with friends at this year's Midwest MOM clarified just how much I have changed this last year. Changed for the better. I also got some interesting insights from the non-verbal cues of friends. I won't discuss those here.
I'm still adjusting to life in a new area of the country, having moved to Chicago barely five months ago. But I already feel totally at home here, at least as far as feeling I am a part of this place. This gives me confidence that, should I need or want to move again, I will be able to relatively easily.
Still, I'd prefer not to move to another area of the country, at least for a year or two.
So I want to invest time to make local friends. I also need to devote to a lot of time to one very important thing I gave up when I left Minnesota. That is, being an active, professional (meaning paid) musician. I have always considered music to be part of the essence of who I am. When I am playing well, it is as if I exist in a 'higher' space mentally and emotionally. At these times, I am likely more completely myself than at any other time. I am more fully sharing who I am with others, too.I have developed a greater sense of independence and self-reliance since those first very difficult months of unemployment. I have written here that I never needed a trans support group, but in an important way the Archive and its members provided similar support. I no longer feel the need for it, although I am very grateful for the many people who have helped me along the way.
Over the last six months or so, I have also more fully realized and accepted that I am, essentially, alone in this world. My immediate family does not speak with me and I have no spouse or children. I have needed to be a very independent person and today I am an even more independent woman.
When I was going through chemotherapy in upstate New York, a woman friend told me she had never met anyone who needed other people as little as me. She saw that I was going through debilitating chemo alone and still managing to enjoy life.
I did not entirely agree with her then and I still do not see myself that way. I very definitely need people and friends in my life. But gradually over the last half-year, at least, I have reached the point of having very few, if any, expectations of friends or anyone else. At the same time, I feel my capacity to be a very good friend has expanded. Just as my ability to love someone in a very intimate way has blossomed.
One of my issues with continuing this thread is clear in what I have already written tonight and that it has taken me over an hour to get this far. I'm taking a lot of time to write about how strong I am (not always, though, by a long shot) or the way I got through difficult life events. This is not the way I want to write about my life, if I ever come back to this. I would rather write in a way that lets others decide on their own who I am and what is important to me.
So I will not post anything else on this thread. In a way, it no longer fits this person who is now far different from the one who wrote her first few timid posts on this site a few years ago. Sometime, I may start a new thread here. I suspect I will not. What I will try to do is post periodic updates in other areas of this board.
I am very thankful to those who keep the Archive going and to everyone who has been kind to me here, often reaching out in unexpected ways. This is a very supportive place and I will always be grateful for that.
Mac, I wish you the very best in life. I have always appreciated your interest and good wishes.
My best wishes to everyone here. OK, I'll admit that I am teary-eyed right now.
The End, at least of this part of my story
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transward (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
I have been meaning to write an appreciation, but the press of work has postponed it. My apologies. Over the last few years I have derived a great deal of pleasure from your posts on this thread. In a private message you once accused me of being knowledgeable about trans issues, which is probably true. I have a Google alert for "transsexual" and subscribe to several TS newsgroups, plus listening to hundreds of trans people in groups. I have spent too much time reading trans blogs. The vast majority of them have become political soapboxes for whiny trans people. As a group we have become the most whiny special interest group since the Feminist Political Lesbians of the early eighties, lecturing each other on which of us is more truly transsexual and protesting any depiction of a TS that doesn't meet our particular definition, and arguing about the origins and proper definitions of ourselves.
Your thread, by contrast, is like a breath of fresh air. I am constantly impressed by your simple humanity. Yes, you are trans, but you are human first. You have faced hard times, and instead of whining and complaining about how society abuses trans people, you simply dealt with the situation, kept plugging and eventually come out the other side. I am sure I am not the only one here who counts you a friend based on this thread. I know that life is to be lived and not analyzed and I respect your decision to stop the thread,(which must have been a huge amount of work to write), but I do hope you will at least post occasionally so we know you are doing all right.
Again thanks. I know it was a lot of work, I hope you know it was appreciated.
Transward
Your thread, by contrast, is like a breath of fresh air. I am constantly impressed by your simple humanity. Yes, you are trans, but you are human first. You have faced hard times, and instead of whining and complaining about how society abuses trans people, you simply dealt with the situation, kept plugging and eventually come out the other side. I am sure I am not the only one here who counts you a friend based on this thread. I know that life is to be lived and not analyzed and I respect your decision to stop the thread,(which must have been a huge amount of work to write), but I do hope you will at least post occasionally so we know you are doing all right.
Again thanks. I know it was a lot of work, I hope you know it was appreciated.
Transward
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John (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi Danya!
Sad news that you end the thread, but you have to do what you feel is best.
I have really enjoyed reading about your progress, and hope that you will get the lust back after your next major step.
I guess you don´t feel like answering questions here anymore but I put it here nevertheless:
I understood that your electro to get rid of facehair is in great progress and as one of the main things I hate as being a man is the daily need to shave I would be glad if you told me some way how it feels not to have to do it any longer.
Greetings
John
Sad news that you end the thread, but you have to do what you feel is best.
I have really enjoyed reading about your progress, and hope that you will get the lust back after your next major step.
I guess you don´t feel like answering questions here anymore but I put it here nevertheless:
I understood that your electro to get rid of facehair is in great progress and as one of the main things I hate as being a man is the daily need to shave I would be glad if you told me some way how it feels not to have to do it any longer.
Greetings
John
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Almost four years ago, I wrote that I would start a new thread if I decided to write here again. I think that I started two more recent threads. Anyway, I feel some need to write again and this thread feels like the most appropriate place. The ongoing changes in my life are, at least in part, related to transitioning.
For now, a few points:
1. I remain close friends with 'X', my one-time Chicago boyfriend from a fine blue-collar background (and job history) who is now finishing his second year of pharmacy school.
2. Since November, I have been living with my wonderful boyfriend/partner 'D' in the Twin Cities.
3. I continue working at a good job I have held for over 1 1/2 years.
4. I still miss Chicago, although I try very hard not to I've been back in MN many, many months. I've been back to Chicago several times for short visits.
5. There's an ongoing pain issue I noted more than once in one of the later threads. It's a result of GRS (but I in no way regret the surgery and I'm generally pleased with the results). After investigating multiple treatment options, and the latest neuroscience research, I am hopeful I will be able to substantially reduce the pain and, perhaps, eliminate it altogether.
6. The Minnesota Orchestra lock-out of roughly 16 months ended a few months ago, thank God! 'D' and I attended several of their concerts self-produced by the musicians during the lock-out that were wonderful.
7. At the suggestion of an office mentor, I am investigating alternate career options that would better utilizing my current skills and education. I'm excited about the possibilities.
8. I'm just getting back into practicing the piano and before too long, I hope, I will have a place to practice the pipe organ, too. I miss performing music!
9. Life is good! It's even better now that spring has arrived after a long, long difficult winter. On another site, a friend posted a photo of an isolated house and its surroundings buried beneath a frozen layer of ice and snow. The caption was something like "You can always count on Minnesota to remind you (those living elsewhere) that things could always be worse). Minnesota is beautiful in spring (when it finally arrives), summer and early fall. Parts of winter can be gorgeous, too. This last winter was brutal.
For now, a few points:
1. I remain close friends with 'X', my one-time Chicago boyfriend from a fine blue-collar background (and job history) who is now finishing his second year of pharmacy school.
2. Since November, I have been living with my wonderful boyfriend/partner 'D' in the Twin Cities.
3. I continue working at a good job I have held for over 1 1/2 years.
4. I still miss Chicago, although I try very hard not to I've been back in MN many, many months. I've been back to Chicago several times for short visits.
5. There's an ongoing pain issue I noted more than once in one of the later threads. It's a result of GRS (but I in no way regret the surgery and I'm generally pleased with the results). After investigating multiple treatment options, and the latest neuroscience research, I am hopeful I will be able to substantially reduce the pain and, perhaps, eliminate it altogether.
6. The Minnesota Orchestra lock-out of roughly 16 months ended a few months ago, thank God! 'D' and I attended several of their concerts self-produced by the musicians during the lock-out that were wonderful.
7. At the suggestion of an office mentor, I am investigating alternate career options that would better utilizing my current skills and education. I'm excited about the possibilities.
8. I'm just getting back into practicing the piano and before too long, I hope, I will have a place to practice the pipe organ, too. I miss performing music!
9. Life is good! It's even better now that spring has arrived after a long, long difficult winter. On another site, a friend posted a photo of an isolated house and its surroundings buried beneath a frozen layer of ice and snow. The caption was something like "You can always count on Minnesota to remind you (those living elsewhere) that things could always be worse). Minnesota is beautiful in spring (when it finally arrives), summer and early fall. Parts of winter can be gorgeous, too. This last winter was brutal.
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plix (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
It is wonderful to hear from you again! I am not so sure that desire to write ever leaves entirely. I have noticed the same thing with my own thread. Sometimes I go for long periods without posting anything, but I currently am in the midst of a time when I feel the need to post relatively frequently.
Having someone special in your life is certainly desirable. I am glad you have found someone who makes you happy.
I imagine that Chicago would be an enthralling place to live. It would probably be hard to leave once you have had a taste of it. Perhaps you will find your way back there someday.
In today's society it is hard to believe that there won't eventually be some way to take care of the pain issue with all these advances in technology.
With all of the career options that are available, I find it nearly impossible to choose just one. I wish you the best in your search.
I am very happy to hear that things are (mostly) going so well for you!
I have noticed the same thing with my own thread. Sometimes I go for long periods without posting anything, but I currently am in the midst of a time when I feel the need to post relatively frequently.Having someone special in your life is certainly desirable. I am glad you have found someone who makes you happy.
I imagine that Chicago would be an enthralling place to live. It would probably be hard to leave once you have had a taste of it. Perhaps you will find your way back there someday.
In today's society it is hard to believe that there won't eventually be some way to take care of the pain issue with all these advances in technology.
With all of the career options that are available, I find it nearly impossible to choose just one. I wish you the best in your search.
I am very happy to hear that things are (mostly) going so well for you!
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Danya (imported)
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Re: Transitioning at work and in all of my life
Hi plix!
It is always wonderful to hear from you!
When I met up with 'D', I never expected things to work out. In part, that's because he knew me for years when we both worked for the same company. He knew me when I was not Danya, at least not at the office! We were also work colleagues when I transitioned. It's been nearly a year since we 'met' and I'm very happy we're together.
Ah, Chicago. One reason I love it is that it reminds me of the East Coast, where I grew up. There is so much to do and see. In downtown, you see a terrific mix of ethnicities. Even at the suburban Chicago Botanic Garden, one of my favorite haunts, there was a wide variety of people and languages. Perhaps I (we, with 'D'!) will move there one day. 'D' likes it, too. I would probably prefer moving to northern California, Portland or Seattle. If a get a better job here, I will be glad to stay.
It's some of the advances in technology that have helped establish some of the principles of more recent understandings of pain and how to treat it. Like functional magnetic resonance imaging. I may write more about this at another time because it is fascinating.
Your response means a lot to me!
Earlier this evening, I attended a fabulous concert of the Minnesota Orchestra. 'D' was ill, so I invited Kristoff along. It was great to see him and have some time to chat on the trip to the concert hall. The second half of the program was a 'compilation' of music from Wagner's Ring cycle. I enjoy Wagner, although I have never heard any of his music live. Tonight's performance blew me away, so much so that at several points I felt shivers run through me. During my time in Chicago, I wrote about sitting in my car listening to Wagner. I was waiting for the end of the a Wagner's
'X' will be visiting over the long Memorial Day weekend and will stay with us.
It is always wonderful to hear from you!
When I met up with 'D', I never expected things to work out. In part, that's because he knew me for years when we both worked for the same company. He knew me when I was not Danya, at least not at the office! We were also work colleagues when I transitioned. It's been nearly a year since we 'met' and I'm very happy we're together.
Ah, Chicago. One reason I love it is that it reminds me of the East Coast, where I grew up. There is so much to do and see. In downtown, you see a terrific mix of ethnicities. Even at the suburban Chicago Botanic Garden, one of my favorite haunts, there was a wide variety of people and languages. Perhaps I (we, with 'D'!) will move there one day. 'D' likes it, too. I would probably prefer moving to northern California, Portland or Seattle. If a get a better job here, I will be glad to stay.
It's some of the advances in technology that have helped establish some of the principles of more recent understandings of pain and how to treat it. Like functional magnetic resonance imaging. I may write more about this at another time because it is fascinating.
Your response means a lot to me!
Earlier this evening, I attended a fabulous concert of the Minnesota Orchestra. 'D' was ill, so I invited Kristoff along. It was great to see him and have some time to chat on the trip to the concert hall. The second half of the program was a 'compilation' of music from Wagner's Ring cycle. I enjoy Wagner, although I have never heard any of his music live. Tonight's performance blew me away, so much so that at several points I felt shivers run through me. During my time in Chicago, I wrote about sitting in my car listening to Wagner. I was waiting for the end of the a Wagner's
erg. A part of that often leaves me feeling like waves are washing over my naked body (even though I am fully clothed). Tonight's music had the same effect, only more so.
'X' will be visiting over the long Memorial Day weekend and will stay with us.